AITA for telling my sister-in-law she’s not getting a dime of my brother’s inheritance?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A tense family dinner fizzled out before the dessert was even served, leaving a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth. The air was thick with unspoken resentment as a sibling, tasked with guarding a hefty inheritance, stood firm against their brother’s free-spirited wife. This wasn’t just about money—it was about loyalty, love, and a promise to protect a vulnerable brother’s future. With emotions running high, the clash over a house purchase and a lavish necklace unveiled deeper family fractures.

The story unfolds in a modest suburban home, where the weight of responsibility hangs heavier than the chandelier. The older sibling, now in their late 30s, has been more than a caretaker—they’ve been a parent, a bank, and a gatekeeper since their brother was just a boy. Readers can’t help but feel the tug-of-war between duty and distrust, wondering if this guardian’s grip is too tight or just right. Will this family find common ground, or will the inheritance tear them apart?

‘AITA for telling my sister-in-law she’s not getting a dime of my brother’s inheritance?’

I have a brother and I am 15 years older than he is. Our parents died when I was 21 and I took in my brother. The only proper thing my parents did was invest in real estate and left behind a will that left me and my brother half. However, I am the trustee of my brother's half until he is 35.

My brother married at 22. He's 25 now. I don't like his wife. She's self-centered, a b**ch, n**ty and can't be nice. But my brother is in love with her. They are very open about never having children, which both saddens and relieves me at the same time. My brother also has some health issues as well.

Whenever my brother needed money and he did not have it (he works as a machinist) , he would have to ask me. I run his half of the inheritance. I sold all the real estate my parents owned and made a ton of money. I am very strict with what I approve, much to my brother's anger.

I tell him I might his brother, but I am also the bank and banks just don't give money out. For example, he wanted to buy his wife a $25,000 necklace and I refused. $25,000 is a drop in the bucket, but that money isn't going to wasted on stuff like that.

Recently, he wanted to buy a nice house and asked for money. I told him that it was probably the smartest thing he's ever asked money for. It's a nice house and a good investment. It will give my brother a good project to work on. I said I would, but only if the house deed is in the name of the trust.

He asked why. I told him because I didn't want his wife getting it if something should happen. He started up with his whole 'it's my money' rant and I told him it is, but I control it for another 10 years. His wife ended calling me (I haven't spoken to her in years).

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She tried making the issue of the house as something for my brother. I told her that the trust is between me and my brother and it's none of her business. She has no claim to it. She asked what did she do to me that made me 'hate' her. I said I didn't hate her, I just want to make sure she doesn't get any of the trust money.

The idea of my brother getting ill and dying and all that money going to her makes me sick to my stomach. He lost both parents when he was 7, had health issues and has a massive trust. I am just doing everything I can legally do watch out for his best interests.. I have not heard from them in 2 weeks.

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EDIT: I forgot to mention this, but his wife encouraged him to get a lawyer to wrestle control of his half away from me. But even he didn't want to do that because he knows the trust is iron-clad and all Hell would break loose.. EDIT: For people saying it's his money. It is NOT his money. It doesn't become his until 2030.. EDIT: For people wondering why he has to be 35. That was decided by the courts, not me.

EDIT: About the necklace. My brother called me and asked me to wire him 25K. I asked him for what. He and his wife randomly took a trip to LA and were at Cartier of Beverly Hills. He wanted to buy a 'couture' necklace for his wife.. I told him no.

EDIT: My brother does get a monthly allowance. That allowance includes his rent and medical insurance/costs. He has those bills sent to me and I either pay them or I don't. Anything to do with his wife, I won't pay.. EDIT: My brother has cystic fibrosis.

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This family feud is less about money and more about trust—or the lack thereof. The sibling’s tight control over the inheritance stems from a deep-seated need to protect their brother, especially given his cystic fibrosis and the wife’s perceived recklessness. But is this control justified, or does it cross into overreach? Both sides have valid points: the sibling wants to secure their brother’s future, while the couple craves autonomy.

This scenario reflects a broader issue of financial control in families. According to a 2023 study by the National Endowment for Financial Education, 38% of Americans report family conflicts over inheritance management, often due to differing values. Here, the sibling’s distrust of the wife fuels tension, but their strict oversight risks alienating their brother.

Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes, “Money often amplifies existing relationship dynamics, turning personal grievances into financial battlegrounds” (source: CNBC article). In this case, the sibling’s dislike for the wife shapes their decisions, potentially blinding them to their brother’s wishes. Dr. Klontz’s insight suggests that open communication could ease this standoff.

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For a resolution, the sibling could involve a neutral financial advisor to mediate, ensuring the brother learns money management while protecting the trust. Setting up a term life insurance policy for the wife, as suggested by a Redditor, could also address her security without compromising the trust’s integrity. Transparency and compromise are key to mending this family rift.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out opinions as spicy as a family barbecue gone wrong. Here’s what the community had to say about this inheritance saga:

[Reddit User] − YTA. So, you've beocme the controlling parent now.. I suppose as executor of the estate you have that right, but the cost seems high.

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nom-d-pixel − YTA. He is an adult, and adults get to make decisions that other people disapprove of. You are using the money to control him, and from the way you talk, I suspect the reason you don’t like his wife is that she stands up to you.

If you give a damn about your brother’s long-term financial health, set him up with a financial advisor who specializes in helping people lay out budgets and plan for the future. The way you are going now, the second he gets control of the trust , he will burn through the money and cut off all contact with you until he comes begging for yours.

typicalaquarius − YTA - there’s a difference between helping him responsibly manage money and being vindictive because you don’t like his wife. It is HIS money ultimately, not yours. If I were in his position, I would want to know that my spouse was taken care of in the event of my death, and not shamelessly evicted and left homeless by my family. Sure, he doesn’t need to buy 25k necklaces, but having the deed to his home in his own name is completely reasonable.

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ik101 − NTA He will be thankful when he’s 35 and there’s still actual money left. He will be able to do whatever he wants with it while being more responsible than now. An inheritance should never go to the daughter or son in law. Unless the parents specifically told you they wanted that. You can put the money in a house you both live if, but if you were to get divorced the money should go back to the original owner.

thatonepersoniam − NAH - as a psudo-parent and the person responsible for this money until he's 35, you're doing things exactly right. Smart use of the money and not having control while he's young and growing up was your parent's plan, and it's a good one.

He's in love and wants to take care of his wife. That's what he should want. You may think she sucks, but he's dedicated to his spouse. That's a good quality.. Your SIL is right that you're controlling the money. It may be well-intentioned control, but it's still control.

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You need to set up something for the wife in case he dies. Term life insurance is pretty cheap. She deserves at least that. You may also want to let him blow some money. Not $15k necklaces, but he needs to learn to spend the money correctly if he's ever going to manage it well at 35.

That will include some stupid, wasteful purchases. But better some small dumb spending vs him blowing it on his 35th birthday because he's never learned. Teach him to handle money she give him some rope to learn and mess up now and learn.

Edit:OP, I apologise for calling you a 'psudo-parent'. When I reread that you raised him from 6 years old on, I realized that you are clearly a full on Dad. You deserve the full title for taking on an amazing job. I'm sorry I was not clear on that.

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bittr_n_swt − Reddit is stupid. NTA by a mile. Your brother is immature and will go bankrupt before he’s 35 if he ever controls the money. £25k for a necklace wtf. It does sound like you’re a bit controlling but you wouldn’t have to be if your brother wants to make unwise decisions

PrincessBabyMuffin − Your math doesn't make sense. If you're 15 years older than him, and your parents died when you were 21, then he would have been 6 years old at the time - not 10 years old as you later stated. I call BS. UPDATE: OP has now edited the post to say that his brother lost his parents at the age of 7, but has not called out or disclosed the edit

cactusflowerspoop − NTA. I'm sorry but if he wanted to spend 25,000 on a NECKLACE, then clearly he isn't responsible enough to handle his own trust. Also for anyone saying that OP is manipulative... sure, but his brother is willingly contributing to that.

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If I were his brother, I would just cut off OP for a decade then get my trust after that. But he can't survive on his own even though he and his wife are both able-bodied adults which proves yet again, how irresponsible he is with money.

mousemilks − YTA. Your brother has cystic fibrosis, which has an average life expectancy of 37 years, and you are making him wait until 35 to be able to LIVE with it!? What is the money being saved for - your account when he dies? He should be able to do everything he wants with his family unit (him and his wife) until the end.

pineappleglimmer − YTA. Yes you’re in charge of the money for now, but it’s his. I think it’s great you’re trying to help him be responsible with it, but if they stay married then he has a right to want things to go to her.

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Some see the sibling as a hero, others as a control freak—truth likely lies in the messy middle.

This tale of family, money, and mistrust leaves us pondering where duty ends and control begins. The sibling’s heart may be in the right place, but their iron grip might cost them their brother’s trust. What would you do if you were caught in this financial tug-of-war? Share your thoughts—would you side with the sibling, the brother, or find a middle ground?

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