AITA for telling my sister I won’t be her surrogate?

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Picture a cozy living room, where the glow of a TV flickers over two sisters sharing laughs and a bowl of popcorn. For Celeste and her identical twin, Stacy, these moments of sisterly bliss were sacred—until a single question shattered the warmth. Stacy, her eyes brimming with hope and nerves, asked Celeste to be her surrogate, a plea that landed like a thunderbolt. For Stacy, it was the key to her lifelong dream of motherhood; for Celeste, it was a line she couldn’t cross.

The air grew heavy as Celeste’s refusal sparked fury, with Stacy storming out, leaving a broken picture frame and a fractured bond in her wake. Readers, you might feel the ache of this sibling clash—love tangled with boundaries, dreams clashing with personal truth. Was Celeste wrong to say no, or is Stacy’s reaction the real misstep? Let’s unravel this heartfelt saga of sisterhood and sacrifice.

‘AITA for telling my sister I won’t be her surrogate?’

Excuse my errors and etiquette, Im not a frequent to reddit. My friend suggested I use her throw away account to make this post, so please be gentle with me as much as strangers on the internet can be. I, Celeste(30F) have an identical twin sister, we’ll call her Stacy for the sake of the story. Our mother unfortunately passed in child labor and we were raised by our father.

Stacy has been married to Jeff for 8 years, I have been in a relationship with Mike for 3 years now. One thing I’ve always known about my sister is that she wanted to be a mom, even when we were children she was always thinking about wedding ideas, nursery themes, baby names, etc. I was always more focused on books and having fun.

I am now a flight attendant, I am also attempting to become a published author. My sister has not worked, ever honestly. When we graduated high school we went straight to college, she met her boyfriend in college and once she graduated became a stay at home girlfriend until she became his wife.

I have known for a while that my sister has been attempting to become pregnant, unsuccessfully. She has experienced a single miscarriage and has been unable to become pregnant again after thousands and thousands of dollars being spent on IVF and pretty much anything they could do because she wanted to experience pregnancy.

After 5 years of no success, they have started to discuss other options. My sister isn’t interested in adoption and is very adamant on having a child that has both of their DNA (her words not mine.) About 3 weeks ago she came to my house and we were hanging out as we usually do, just chatting and watching Modern Family.

She told me she had a serious question and needed to ask me while she still had her nerves, it scared me but she asked if I could be her surrogate. I was frozen for a second and asked what she meant, she told me that I know what a surrogate was- she needed me to be her surrogate.

I expressed that she knew that I wasn’t interested in having children, this could definitely be due to how we came into the world, but I’ll be honest and say I have NEVER found the thought of having children appealing in any way. I told her that I would have zero issue with donating my eggs to her, how ever many she needed she could have them all, but I could not carry her child.

Upon hearing that, she became so angry. Her face was so red and she was just yelling about how it’s obvious how jealous and hateful I am because this is a small task. I didn’t want to bring it to her attention that she has always spoke about having more that 4 kids, would the expectation be for me to do this every time? I dont know, Im starting to feel so bad.

She ended up telling me that if I couldn’t do this one thing for her how could I ever call myself her sister? She broke a picture of us I have sitting on my mantel and stormed out. Since then she’s only texted me pictures of her diaries from when we were kids, and all of there vision boards saying that I’m stopping her from creating a family for no reason and to think about the bigger picture.

My boyfriend refuses to give me advice saying that it’s my sister and he doesn’t feel comfortable attempting to sway me in either direction because it’s such a touchy subject. Honestly, this is the longest I’ve ever gone without communicating with my sister and I am seriously on the verge of giving in. . TLDR: AITA for not wanting to be a surrogate for my identical twin sister?

This sisterly showdown is a masterclass in emotional tug-of-war, with Stacy’s desperation for motherhood pitted against Celeste’s fiercely guarded autonomy. Stacy’s outburst—calling surrogacy a “small task”—betrays a disconnect, ignoring the profound physical and emotional toll of pregnancy. Celeste, shaped by their mother’s tragic death in childbirth, understandably recoils from carrying a child, even for her twin. Yet Stacy’s pain, fueled by years of failed IVF and a miscarriage, makes her plea raw and real.

The issue taps into a broader societal tension: the pressure on women to prioritize family dreams over personal boundaries. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 45% of women in close-knit families face guilt when declining reproductive assistance requests. Stacy’s reliance on Celeste’s identical DNA highlights a fixation on biological legacy, often at the expense of others’ agency.

Dr. Elaine Tyler May, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Requests like surrogacy can strain even the closest sibling bonds when expectations override consent.” Her words underscore Celeste’s right to say no—surrogacy isn’t a favor like lending a dress; it’s a life-altering commitment. Stacy’s manipulative tactics, like sending childhood diary photos, only deepen the rift.

Celeste’s offer to donate eggs is a generous compromise, and she should stand firm. Stacy could explore professional surrogates, as many agencies ensure ethical standards. Therapy might help them rebuild trust, addressing Stacy’s grief and Celeste’s boundaries. Join the discussion below! (Source: Journal of Family Psychology)

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s armchair therapists and fiery commentators didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of support, snark, and practical tips. Here’s a taste of the community’s spiciest takes, sprinkled with a dash of humor:

Duck-Duck-Goose1 − Most doctors would refuse to allow you to be a surrogate as you've not previously had children. She'll be hard pressed to find one that would. Not to mention, she's asking her sister to sacrifice her body and potentially her life to fulfil her dream... that's not fair at all.. If she can afford IVF, she can afford a surrogate.. Nta

EntertainmentOk6284 − Nta. Pregnancy is hard. Your body never ever goes back the way it was. There are risks involved, especially with surrogacy because of all the hormones you would need to take. Recovery takes ages and again, your body will not be the same. Plus, you don't know how attached you will be to the baby.

It's an extraordinary ask and unless the surrogate feels

tiny-pest − Nta. But any reputable facility will outright deny this being and option. Almost all places in the US require you to go through therapy to make sure you are 200 percent on board. You have to have already have kids. What she is asking will be shot down, and the places that would agree to it are places that are not caring but about money, so your health and any child you carry are at risk.

This isn't a small thing. There are reasons they require you to have kids first. For health reasons as well as mental on you. How will you handle carrying a child. Even if you don't want kids, being pregnant is hard. The attachment you make with growing a baby. The mental of her and hubby making demands.

What you can eat. How much you can work. Going out. Having a life. For 9 months, they will think they have more rights than they do. Make demands as they want. Are you going to be ok with them wanting to be at the doctor appointments where you are vulnerable. Touching your belly when they want because you are nothing more than an incubator and your needs and boundaries don't matter.

Being in the delivery room as well as deciding who gets to be there or how you will deliver. No, this isn't a small ask. If she is determined to have a baby of their DNA, you can donate eggs, and they can find a surrogate who will carry the baby. Demanding you do it because they want to live the pregnancy through you. Run over you and your boundaries and needs, which a legal surrogate would put them in place.

When they are doing it to save more money, it is selfish.. So tell her. I will donate eggs for you to find a surrogate, but you don't get to tantrums and manipulate me into doing something with my body I don't wish to. You have just shown me how my pregnancy would be because you are not respecting me now, so why would you while I deal with carrying your child.

It's time for a step back from you because while I feel for you, I will not be abused because your wants are not more important than my needs.. Then, take a step back. Because everything she is doing is wrong and she has no right. Also concerning you, bf. Do you think it ok to make him watch you have someone else's kid. How about them saying he can't touch you or your belly. Cant sleep with him for whatever reason.

You can love your sister but giving in means most likely putting yourself at risk. Ending a relationship with bf. Destroying the relationship with an entitled sister. Mentally screwing you up. Stop letting her manipulate you and use your love for her to get her way. That is wrong, and as much as you love her letting her destroy your life so she can have a baby the way she wants is not worth it.

TrixIx − She's too unhinged to be a mother in her current mindset.  Don't help her dreams become a child's nightmare.

Irish_beast − I'm a dude so can only compare it to donating a kidney. I might donate a kidney to one of my siblings. But if they demand it. Disown me, break pictures if I don't jump at the chance!. That's no longer abuse, that's insanity. Sorry your sister is insane. Or she's worried her husband will leave her. Or make her go to work. She's a stay at home mother who can't have children. She's thinking how dare sis refuse the obvious solution to my problems.

No_Mix_7068 − This sounds like it is going to get messier. The OP may need to go low contact for a while and consider hiring a lawyer to write a cease-and-desist letter to the sister and her husband if they refuse to take no for an answer for being a surrogate. Stay safe.

[Reddit User] − NTA, how is this a

alisonchains2023 − Holy s**t, your sister is entitled and manipulative. Being a surrogate s a HUGE ask. And a single “No” should have sufficed. Next she’ll be wanting you to have s** with her husband to bypass the IVF process. For her to continue bothering you about this is ludicrous—she can hire a surrogate like many families do.. No, you are absolutely NTA.

Serious_Bat3904 − You can not be a surrogate if you yourself haven’t had a live birth.

WebInformal9558 − NTA, that's obviously a huge request, and no one has the right to expect you to do it. It would be incredibly generous of you to do it, but you definitely don't need to.

These Reddit hot takes beg the question: do they capture the messy truth of sibling loyalty, or are they just fanning the drama flames? One thing’s clear—they’ve got us hooked.

Celeste’s stand against surrogacy is a bold reminder that even twins don’t share every burden. Stacy’s dream of motherhood deserves empathy, but her tantrum over Celeste’s refusal feels like a fumble in the game of sisterhood. As they head toward a family football night, here’s hoping they can tackle this with cooler heads. What would you do if your sibling asked for a sacrifice this big? Share your stories below—let’s keep this heart-to-heart going!

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