AITA for telling my sister I don’t want her and her new poly partners staying with us even though I was initially ok with just her bf?

Nestled in a serene lakeside haven, a family home buzzes with the laughter of kids and the promise of a sister’s long-awaited visit. The plan? A two-month escape for the sister and her boyfriend to soak in the tranquility of this picturesque retreat. But the idyllic scene sours when the sister drops a bombshell: she’s now in a polyamorous relationship and wants to bring three new partners along. Suddenly, a cozy family reunion feels like an overcrowded reality show.

The homeowner, a mom balancing her kids’ comfort and her own boundaries, draws a line: only the sister and her boyfriend are welcome. The sister cries foul, accusing her of prejudice against her poly lifestyle, sparking a tense standoff. Was she wrong to protect her home’s peace, or is this a fair stand against unexpected guests? Let’s dive into this family drama where boundaries and beliefs collide.

‘AITA for telling my sister I don’t want her and her new poly partners staying with us even though I was initially ok with just her bf?’

My sister had plans to stay with us for months. She lives in a city that’s had a hard time during the pandemic and wants to stay with me, my husband, and my kids for ~2 months to unwind and escape. We live in a very tranquil/picturesque part of our state. I was totally ok with this. We have a big house and my kids love their aunty.

The issue is she tells me she’s been in a new polyamorous relationship since late last year. And she wants to bring her 3 new partners along. I haven’t seen her all this time and I haven’t met any of these people. I only know her long-term boyfriend of 5 years as they’ve visited us many times in the past.

We’re now having a rough time because I basically said no, I don’t want your other romantic partners here but you and your bf are still welcome like in my initial invite. She has tried to explain the dynamics of their poly relationship and I tried to understand as best I can but I still don’t want 3 additional strangers all sleeping together under my roof.

She said they would all be sleeping in one bedroom and we would probably see them cuddling/being affectionate in public living spaces, but that it’s no different than what her and her bf would do anyways, just with more people. It’s hard to verbalize why I’m so against this so my sister is using this as evidence I am secretly bigoted and need to re-evaluate my prejudices.

My sister did point out that I once let two of her college friends that I hadn’t met before stay with us during spring break. I felt like that was different because they were 1) only friends and 2) not in a s**ual relationship with one another. I just feel really uncomfortable knowing that there will be a total of 5 people in my home likely engaging in group s** while my family is nearby.

AITA if I maintain this boundary? I feel like I’m probably carrying some prejudices against their form of relationship but on the other hand it’s also my home and my kids to protect. My husband agrees with me but says it’s my choice to make because it’s my sister. She has been ignoring me for the past few days since I said no and told me she thought I was better than this.

Welcoming family into your home is a gesture of love, but it comes with limits—especially when surprise guests upend the plan. The woman’s discomfort with hosting three strangers, regardless of their polyamorous dynamic, stems from a natural desire to protect her family’s space. Her sister’s push to equate this with hosting platonic college friends ignores the intimacy and duration involved—two months of group affection in shared spaces is a lot to ask.

Polyamory, while increasingly visible, remains misunderstood. A 2020 YouGov poll found only 16% of Americans view polyamory as morally acceptable, often due to unfamiliarity . The sister’s accusation of bigotry may reflect her defensiveness, but the homeowner’s unease isn’t inherently prejudiced—it’s about boundaries, not judgment. Her prior openness to her sister’s boyfriend shows she’s not closed-minded, just cautious about strangers.

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a polyamory expert, notes, “Introducing new partners to family requires clear communication and consent, especially in shared spaces”. The sister’s last-minute expansion of the guest list feels inconsiderate, especially during a pandemic. The homeowner could explore meeting the partners separately to build trust, but her boundary is valid.

For those facing similar family requests, experts suggest honest conversations about comfort levels and gradual introductions.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s serving up some spicy takes, like friends dishing over drinks about houseguest horrors.

edgeoftheatlas - NTA.. 1. There is a PANDEMIC. She's lucky she and her primary are invited. 2. Why in the world should you be obligated to host additional people that you don't know and didn't plan for? 3. You can have no issue with her being poly while taking issue with her inviting over some randos that she just started dating. Sounds like she's trying to use your tranquil home as a booty vacay.

salukiqueen - Hold up, did I read that there will be FIVE people? As in sister, boyfriend, partner a, partner b, and partner c? Forget the polyamory part, as long as they’re happy and have a healthy relationship it doesn’t matter what they do,

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but why would they think it’s ok to bring that many people into a house with children during a pandemic? Also who wants to live in a house of nine people all cooped up in quarantine?? I’ve seen reality tv shows, you’re not in for a good time. NTA that would be a hard no for me too.

[Reddit User] - NTA Look, ignore for a moment the nature of their relationship. You invited 2 people to stay for 2 months, not 5. That many house guests for 2 months is going to be overwhelming for everyone.. A couple friends for spring break is completely different from 3 stranger for two months.

Now, are you also prejudiced against poly relationships? Maybe. But your sister did a bad job of introducing her partners. Offer to meet them at a park or whatever socially distanced responsible place to get to know them. Even if you are prejudiced you sound like you’d be willing to work on that which is what matters.

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[Reddit User] - Poly person here. NTA. If someone was coming to stay with me and I told them they could bring their dog, but then they told me they were bringing an additional three dogs, I would say absolutely not. And I love their dogs, and I support the right to have that many dogs, but that’s an insane number of dogs to accommodate in my house.

Stw_Reylla - NTA 5 people? So instead of the expected 2 people you would be hosting 5? That's a lot different and s**ual relationship or not would be enough for me to say no.. Edit: made judgement after getting clarification.

V0mitBucket - NTA - Your house your rules. Additionally your sister needs a reality check, not being comfortable with 5 people, 3 of which you’ve never met, having group s** in the house you raise your young children does not make you a bigot

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socialjusticekimchi - NTA. The more non-bioligically related people in your home, the greater the risk of abuse to your children.

ItisntRocketSurgery - NTA Truth be told you **are** refusing because you’re uncomfortable, that doesn’t make you a bigot or prejudiced. Sister is being an AH for several reasons: She doesn’t get to surprise invite 3 more people to your home no matter what their relationship. Especially not for two months or more! And NOT DURING A PANDEMIC (oops, sorry, I’ll stop yelling)

She doesn’t get to call you prejudiced because you don’t know how to deal with this yet. She sprung it on you, you get time to process, which she isn’t giving you instead choosing to pressure you.

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It is supremely disingenuous to compare two college friends staying for a week, most likely in separate bedrooms to what she’s demanding now.. If she can’t stand to be apart from her poly group, then she’ll just have to stay with them.

Bnorm71 - Nta nobody wants to hear aunty getting spit roasted

Farraterra - NTA Honestly your sister sucks for springing this on you. Your invite was initially for her and her boyfriend, two people, and she’s expanded it to FIVE because she’s now poly?? That’s just rude. I don’t care what your relationship label is like.

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These comments bring the heat, but do they capture the full nuance of family and boundaries?

This lakeside drama highlights the tug-of-war between family ties and personal comfort. The woman’s firm boundary protects her home’s peace, but her sister’s hurt suggests a need for better communication. Could she have softened the blow with a compromise, like a shorter visit, or was her hard no the only way? If your sibling sprung surprise guests on you, how would you handle it? Jump into the comments and let’s unpack this boundary battle!

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