AITA for telling my sister her rainbow baby isn’t special?

At a lively backyard birthday bash for 6-year-old twins, a spoiled nephew’s tantrums turned joy into chaos, pushing one mom to her limit. When her sister excused his antics as her “rainbow baby’s” privilege, a heated outburst about his behavior sparked a family rift.

Reddit buzzed with takes, some backing the mom’s frustration, others eyeing her harsh words. This story of clashing parenting styles and lingering grief dives into the messy balance of family love and discipline. Let’s unpack this party meltdown.

‘AITA for telling my sister her rainbow baby isn’t special?’

Alt account for reasons. I (27F) have a set of twins, Ben and Betty. They just turned 6. My sister (32F) has Conner who is 4. My sister and her husband lost their first baby due to SIDS. It was devastating for the whole family and I was behind my sister 100% of the way. I couldn't imagine what it was like. Anyway when she found out she was pregnant with Conner, we were all excited.

The pregnancy went well and Conner got a good bill of health. Everything was fine. I love my sister and I love my nephew but my sister is convinced that cause he's her rainbow baby, that means he can do whatever he wants. Conner is incredibly spoiled and a brat! He throws fits to get his way, hits, kicks, cries - whatever it takes. My sister and her husband give him no discipline.

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He's their rainbow baby so that is their excuse for his bad behavior Their lives are to serve whatever Conner wants. Every year my family takes a vacation (me, my husband, kids, sister and her husband and our parents). We all decided on Yellowstone. Last minute my sister tried to get us to change to Disney World and we refused cause we felt our kids were still too young for it.

They ended coming to Yellowstone but complained the whole time that Conner wasn't having fun. That is just a brief example so now onto the reason for the post. My twins just turned 6 and we had small party for them. We invited friends from their day care and some family. Everyone was having a good time but Conner.

He wanted cake, didn't like the games, wanted to watch tv, wanted ice cream now, didn't want other kids to touch him - etc. Basically the whole party Conner threw a tantrum! The final straw came at present time. My husband went to get the gifts out the living room only to find Conner had ripped nearly all of them open!

My sister made excuses saying he just excited and wanted to play with my kids new toys. I lost it! I told her that Conner isn't special! That he's a brat and he's been ruining the party since he got there! My sister immediately went on the he's her rainbow baby, he didn't mean it and maybe I should have put the presents where he couldn't get them.

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They were in the living room, the party was outside. No one was inside. I lost my temper, I know I did. This was my kids' party though! I said some n**ty things to her, told her that Conner isn't a baby anymore, he's not special and she's raising a self centered brat who will grow up to be a self centered adult! She left the party.

Later my parents called. They said they understood my frustrations and everything about the situation then said they still felt like I should apologize to my sister. Why? Because I have two healthy kids while she lost one and she's still having to deal with it. I told them no!

My sister should apologize for how her son acted at the party. My husband and the guests who were at the party are on my side. My sister hasn't really spoken to me in a few days, just posted passive aggressive things on social media which I just blocked her.AITA here?

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Parenting clashes can ignite when grief and discipline collide. This mom’s outburst at her sister’s indulgence of her “rainbow baby” reflects frustration with unchecked behavior versus her sister’s protective leniency. The sister’s excuse—tied to her loss—clashes with the need for boundaries.

A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association (source) notes that consistent discipline fosters healthy child development, while overindulgence risks social issues. Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, says, “Children need limits to feel secure, even after family trauma.” The sister’s coddling may stem from grief but hinders her son’s growth.

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This highlights broader issues of parenting through loss. Therapy, as the family tried, could help, but ongoing indulgence suggests deeper issues. Dr. Markham advises family counseling to address grief and set consistent rules. The mom might apologize for her tone but urge a serious talk on discipline.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit served up a storm of opinions, from fiery support to sharp critiques. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, hot off the community press:

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jadepumpkin1984 - Nta at all. Is he still going to be the rainbow baby in high school? I'm sure when he commits his first crime the judge will be very understanding that the rainbow baby needs cuddles and not confinement

AlwaysAngryFox - NTA Conner knows what he’s doing. He knows his mom and dad let him get away with anything cause he’s special and I would bet that every day they tell him that he is special. There is nothing wrong with loving your child but clearly your sister and husband could use some family therapy to deal with the lose of their first child. They haven’t gotten over it.

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Conner is basically the replacement for their dead baby and that is going to mess him up in life. You admitted you lost your temper and said some n**ty things. In this case, you had every right to do so. Your sister was letting Conner dictate the party. Who opens someone’s presents? She likely took him inside, let him open them, and thought you wouldn’t say anything. You’re NTA OP.

NorthernLitUp - NTA: You owe no apologies and assuming Conner is going to school soon, she and he are about to find out how 'not special' he is and how the world doesn't cater to his tantrums and his s**tty upbringing.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. You can raise your kids and spoil your grandkids. Or you can spoil your kids and raise your grandkids. Pick wisely.

KateBeckinsale_PM_Me - NTA. Sometimes the truth hurts and hopefully your sister will reflect on this after the pain of hearing it subsides a bit. The big thing is that your kids will see that you stood up for them when another kid basically ruined their party. Them knowing that you noticed he was a little brat and that you called him/his parents out on it will hopefully linger in their minds and they'll know you have their backs.

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I had some friends who adopted a baby many years ago. They would still have game night at home and the volume would be slightly adjusted, but they said things like 'he lives in OUR house and as such there will be game nights as stuff, and he needs to get used to that'. They also didn't coddle him and if he cried a regular cry at night, they didn't run to comfort him etc.

They seem to be amazing parents and the kid seems really well-adjusted and happy. It's weird that how they raise their kid should stand out to me, but maybe it's because I see so many more where the kids are coddled and it irks me.

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Noltonn - NTA, they sound like s**t parents, simple as that. Also, who keeps on consistently referring to their child as a rainbow baby? Like, that will severely f**k a child up right, once they find out what that means? To be consistently identified as not your own person, but as 'the one that didn't die', essentially? But, yeah, your response was warranted, if she uses such s**t logic to excuse the behaviour of her s**tty kid.

pizzasauce85 - Some of yall need to watch the Bluey episode where Muffin learns that while her parents think she is special, she is not special to everyone else.

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DannyBigD - NTA. She needs to take responsibility for her child's actions.

GothPenguin - NTA-I’m not going to pretend I understand the pain of losing a child and my heart goes out to her and her husband for their loss. That doesn’t mean it’s okay for their rainbow baby to be raised to do whatever he wants and for everything he does to be the result of someone’s else’s actions. They need to curb this before it’s too late.

tomtomclubthumb - NTA - children need boundaries. They also shouldn't be defined by a relationship to a dead sibling. That is a really creepy way to look at things. Sometimes being a parent means doing things that your kid doesn't like. It is cowardly and abandoning the role of the parent to refuse to do them at the expense of the child's future.

These bold takes fuel the debate, but do they capture the heart of this parenting standoff? One thing’s clear: this family feud is a wild ride.

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This tale of a party wrecked by an indulged “rainbow baby” exposes the raw edges of grief and parenting. The mom’s sharp words, born of frustration, clashed with her sister’s protective excuses, leaving trust strained. Was her outburst a needed wake-up call or a step too far? It raises questions about balancing empathy with accountability. How would you handle a family member’s overindulged child? Would you confront or tread lightly? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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