AITA for telling my SIL that I don’t want to share a baby name?

The excitement of expecting a baby is often intertwined with a flurry of decisions—especially when it comes to baby names. In this particular family drama, two expectant mothers, both due within two months of each other, have found themselves at odds over a shared baby name. While one had planned out every detail, including the deep significance behind her chosen name, her sister-in-law now claims nearly the identical first name along with the same middle name, which was originally shared during early discussions.

This revelation has left her feeling frustrated and manipulated into compromising a name that holds personal meaning. With emotions running high and boundaries tested, the issue quickly escalated. The notion of sharing such an intimate decision, especially one that symbolizes identity and future belonging, has now sparked a battle that could leave lasting marks on the family dynamic. This conflict explores where personal preferences end and unwanted pressure begins.

‘AITA for telling my SIL that I don’t want to share a baby name?’

My SIL and I are both pregnant with girls due within 2 months of each other, I’m first. We shared with them the baby’s middle name before they found out they were having a girl and they recently told us they were considering a nearly identical first name and the same middle name.

When i was surprised that it was almost the same exact name she acted surprised like we haven’t previously shared the name. Which we did on multiple accounts. She said she was ok naming them the same if she decided on that name I said it could be confusing and not ok with it.

She’s now been sharing with everyone that they decided to name the baby that name and I feel extremely pressured and manipulated into going along with it. I feel like she took the name (it’s not significant to her in anyway, I asked) and when my husband and I previously shared the name we explained the significance etc.

Navigating the realm of baby names can be a sensitive issue, especially when family traditions and personal symbolism are at stake. Experts point out that a baby’s name is more than just a label—it’s a significant part of their identity and a reflection of a family’s heritage. When two parties begin to share or dispute a name, it can lead to a sense of loss of individuality and confusion in family identity.

Psychologists note that sharing deeply personal decisions like baby names often requires clear, respectful communication. Conflicts like these are frequently amplified by unmet expectations and unspoken assumptions, making it crucial for family members to discuss these choices well in advance. The author’s frustration stems from feeling that a part of her creative and emotional process is being overridden, an experience that many find invalidating.

Family therapists emphasize that establishing boundaries and respecting personal choices are essential in mitigating long-term familial conflicts. Open communication, where each party is allowed to express why a name matters to them, can often lead to collaborative solutions that honor everyone’s sentiments. This situation highlights the delicate balance between compromise and individual rights, a dynamic that becomes even more pronounced in families with overlapping pregnancies.

Finally, experts suggest that when conflicts over names arise, it might be beneficial for the family to consider a neutral approach—such as delaying the public announcement of the final name choice until both parties can reach a respectful agreement. This can help prevent future misunderstandings and ensure that every child’s identity is uniquely respected.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users have offered a range of opinions on the matter. Many side with the author, stating that she should not be pressured into sharing a name that she chose and holds dear. Some commenters advise that if she has already set aside a name with its own meaning and history, she should stick to it without giving in to pressure from others.

Others note that while sharing baby names might be acceptable for some families, it is important for personal boundaries to be respected—especially when the name carries deep emotional significance. In contrast, a few voices suggest that the issue could have been avoided if baby names were kept private until after the babies are born. Overall, the prevailing sentiment is one of support for the author’s right to maintain her unique choice.

ThatOneGirlyx05 − NTA but why are you going along with it and letting her pressure you? Use the name you and your husband have planned for your daughter and let her name hers whatever she wants. You're giving birth first so it'll look like she copied you and I suspect she'll backtrack and if she doesn't, that's her choice.

Shichimi88 − Nta. But for future reference, don’t share baby names until birth if you are that protective of it. Sil is doing it to get under your skin, which she succeeded.

Full_Revenue2097 − Happened to me 46 years ago. My SIL announced the name I picked for my daughter was her name for a future baby girl. She was ok with cousins having the same names. We weren’t so we picked a different name. Oh by the way she had two boys & ended up using my boy name I never used.

Disastrous-Nail-640 − NAH. It’s fine to feel however you want. And they’re allowed to name their child whatever they want. No one is pressuring or manipulating you. They get to name their kid whatever they want.

How you feel about it simply isn’t their problem. Also, you’re the only one who will be confused. As someone with the most common name during a ten year period when I was born, not once was I confused.

NotNobody_Somebody − For the love of all things you hold dear, people, PLEASE stop telling others your baby's name before they are even born! It is nobody's business - and there is always someone who will either

a) tell you it is terrible and make you feel bad or b) use the name as well, and this will probably upset you.. Name your kid whatever you want. Just tell people after the kidlet gets earthside.

Sea_Yesterday_8888 − My sisters did this with their girls that were born 6 months apart. 12 years later and my nieces haven’t met, and everyone is no contact over it. This will be an unpopular opinion, but for god’s sake pick a different name! My nieces are my 2 favorite people, and it has been heartbreaking to not all be together.

Scrubtech-123 − NTA, this is exactly why ppl don’t share baby names til after the baby is born 🫤

lokiswan − Get over it. It's not as big a deal as you are thinking. Your kids will be totally different. My first and middle name are the same as a cousin and I was thrilled about it. Later I realized that my middle name is either a first or middle name of many many women in my ancestry. And yep.. gave the same middle name to my daughter (as did 3 cousins). So lean into it. You aren't branding the kid.

gmanose − You can name your child whatever you want. So can she

SlappySlapsticker − Unfortunately you can't force her not to use a name. You have dibs and the great cosmic karma might be unbalanced, but that aside you can't stop their name choice. What you can do is communicate objectively and honestly to people that you chose the name, shared it with them, and they decided they wanted to use it as well.

In conclusion, the situation underscores a broader theme: how far should one go in sharing personal decisions, and where does undue influence begin? The author’s frustration centers on the belief that her baby’s name—rich in personal meaning and carefully chosen—should not be subject to family politics or public pressure.

This conflict raises important questions about respecting personal boundaries within families and the emotional weight behind seemingly simple decisions like naming a child. What are your thoughts on balancing family input with individual choices? How do you protect your personal decisions when they carry deep emotional significance? Share your thoughts and experiences in the discussion below.

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