AITA for telling my SIL she can’t name her baby after my mom?

At a cozy family dinner, the glow of togetherness dimmed when a woman learned her sister-in-law planned to name her unborn daughter the same as her own child—a tribute to her late mother. Grief and pride collided, sparking a heated argument that sent her brother and SIL storming out. This Reddit tale of clashing names and raw emotions asks: was she wrong to claim her daughter’s name as off-limits?

This story strikes a chord for anyone navigating family loss or naming traditions. Reddit’s split on whether she’s guarding her daughter’s identity or gatekeeping a tribute. Let’s unpack this emotional clash, explore expert insights, and hear the community’s take.

‘AITA for telling my SIL she can’t name her baby after my mom?’

For context I (25f) have 4 siblings (25f, 23f, 28m, and 30m) my mom passed away last year after a long battle with cancer. My entire family is very close and my mom loved her grand babies. Sadly she was only able to see my daughter (2f) a couple times before she passed.

My husband(26m) and I decided to name our daughter after my mom. Except we swapped my mom’s middle and first name for our daughter. (Ex: my moms name was Jane Doe our daughters name is Doe Jane) Recently my SIL(32f) announced she and my brother Jake (30m) are expecting their fourth child and it’s a girl.

While at a family dinner my SIL also announced they planned to name the baby Doe Jane after my mom. I became upset and pointed out my daughter was already named Doe Jane and my SIL asked why there couldn’t be two Doe Jane’s in honor of my mom..

This lead to a full blown argument. Where SIL and my brother stormed out after. Now my brother Jake, SIL, and other brother expect me to apologize for monopolizing a name and embarrassing my SIL. They said I can’t own a name and SIL can name her baby whatever she wants.

My husband and twin agree with me that it’s weird to have two kids with the same name. And that it’s unfair to my daughter.. My dad and other siblings do agree with me but think I went about it in an a**hole way. I can’t tell if I’m really in the wrong. I don’t want my SIL to steal my baby’s name. But she’s right I don’t own the name.. AITA?

This naming dispute lays bare the raw edges of grief and family dynamics. Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes in Ambiguous Loss that “grief can intensify conflicts over family traditions, like naming, as they carry deep emotional weight.” The woman’s reaction stems from her daughter’s name being a sacred link to her late mother, challenged by her SIL’s identical choice. Her outburst reflects a protective instinct, but the public clash fueled family tension.

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The conflict pits personal grief against shared family legacy. The SIL and brother see the name as a shared tribute, while the woman feels it diminishes her daughter’s unique tie. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that naming disputes often reflect deeper issues of control and identity in families processing loss.

Dr. Boss suggests private, empathetic talks to navigate such disputes. The woman could propose alternative tributes, like using her mother’s original name order. For others, discussing naming intentions early or suggesting unique variations can prevent hurt.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crowd dished out a mix of empathy and shade, weighing in on this naming drama. Here’s what they had to say:

SuperWomanUSA - NTA, these comments are so weird. Yes, people don’t “OWN” names, but you’re not trying to save a name for a FUTURE human being but one that already exists. Regardless how folks feel about it, yes I do own MY name.

And if someone wanted to give their child MY name (not just anyone, but a CLOSE RELATIVE), I would find it extremely rude and weird. I should add that I have a VERY common name.  Also, I should add that I have OVER 50 cousins! and oddly NONE OF US HAVE THE SAME NAME.

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Just the number of options and variants that are out there makes it so WEIRD that a person would name their child MY full name. Brother and SIL could have chose Jane Doe or Jane and something else. But to literally give your child the SAME first and middle of someone in your IMMEDIATE family is tacky, thoughtless and ridiculous…

True_Turnover_7578 - Why don’t they just name them your mothers regular name? Your daughter is Doe Jane and their daughter can be Jane Doe

jrm1102 - YTA convenient that youre making your SIL the villain. “AITA for telling my brother he can’t name his baby after his dead mother”. Fixed your title.

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SnooRadishes8848 - YTA, you don’t seem to realize you don’t own the name. Your mom was special to your other siblings too, also weird you put it on sil, your brother has as much right to the name as you

Legitimate-Stage1296 - It’s not unfair to your daughter, she was named first. Everyone who knows her is used to calling her by her name. It’s unfair to the new child. You don’t have to call her by her given name, that’s your daughter’s name. She will end up with a Nick name to avoid confusion even if it’s Baby Doe, or Little Doe. I’d start referring to the baby as that now so it catches on.

Yes, you don’t own the name and your brother and SIL can name their baby whatever they want. However, you can be a bit (malicious) cheeky in how you deal with it. Malicious is the wrong word - there is no malice intent for my suggestion. I’m editing but can’t just cross out the word, but want to own my mistake.. NTA overall.

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AlixofHesse1912 - There are several girls in my daughters generation with my Grandmothers name as a middle name, but not multiple kids with the EXACT same 1st and Middle name.

BulbasaurRanch - YTA. They weren’t asking for your permission, they were sharing information. You’re in no position to tell them what they can and can’t do.. You don’t have the authority to make decisions for them..

But oh your husband agrees with you? Means f**k all here. His opinion is just as irrelevant. If you have concerns, you can discuss it with them. Exploding over the dinner table and arguing with them is not a way to address your feelings about it.

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bubblesthehorse - So wait your BROTHER also wants to name his kid after HIS MOM and you're saying no? Because you keep saying sil like it's some stranger? Yta

BobzyBadass12345 - Why do you keep saying SILs baby? Its your brothers baby too? I understand the frustration but the focus on the SIL and truthfully you can't bag a name, even if it's odd there's cousins with the same name, sorry small YTA.

OkeyDokey654 - YTA. Why aren’t you phrasing this as “telling my brother he can’t name his baby after our mom?” Because that’s what you’re doing.

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These takes range from defending the woman’s feelings to calling out her delivery—do they capture the grief-fueled nuance? The family’s split opinions add fuel: loyalty to loss or fairness to all?

This saga of a name tied to loss shows how grief can spark family fireworks. The woman’s stand to protect her daughter’s name was heartfelt, but was her dinner-table outburst too much? Should she compromise on the name or hold her ground? How do you handle family traditions clashing with personal boundaries? Drop your stories and thoughts in the comments—let’s keep this heartfelt debate alive!

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