AITA for telling my siblings their mom can’t be grandma to my baby?

Picture a cozy nursery, a new mom cradling her infant, when her half-siblings’ innocent question—can their mom be the baby’s grandma?—ignites a family storm. At 21, she firmly says no, citing a rocky history with her former stepmother, who once insulted her late mother. The siblings’ mother retaliates with online harassment, and an aunt chides her for bluntness, leaving the new mom questioning her stance.

This Reddit AITA post crackles with raw family tension, blending grief, boundaries, and new motherhood. The woman, protective of her child and her peace, wonders if shutting down the grandma request was too harsh. Let’s dive into this saga of fractured family tesi and fierce mama-bear instincts, with a touch of heart and humor.

‘AITA for telling my siblings their mom can’t be grandma to my baby?’

I (21f) have two half-siblings. My half-brother is 11 and my half-sister is 9. Last month I gave birth to my first child and they asked if their mom could meet the baby and be his grandma. I told them no and they asked why.

I said that we don't have a relationship and because of that she can't have one with my baby. They said their mom said she was my mom too for a long time and then I dumped her. I corrected them and said she was never my mom but she was my stepmother, which was different.

I also told them relationships are complicated and not all of them work so sometimes we don't let people in our lives. They pushed some more and our grandma stepped in and said that they needed to stop asking me about it. She's the one who facilitates our relationship.

I got a really pissy message from their mom and aunt on Facebook about how s**tty it was for me to say no to the kids faces and she would be an awesome grandma, etc. I blocked them but one/both started creating fake accounts to reach me. Until I threatened them with a cease and desist letter.

Communication stopped. Then my own aunt told me I could have just told them I would talk to their mom about it instead of saying no. She said my dad would have wanted me to protect them from the fact I hate their mom.. AITA??

I know people will want details so here they are... My mom died when I was 7. My half-siblings mom and my mom worked together. They hated each other and I was actually there one time when their mom called my mom a snitch and told her to watch her back.

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After my mom died my dad and her got close, she got pregnant and so they got married. She tried to tell me I needed to like her and give her more of a chance to be my new mom, which I didn't appreciate, and then she told me my mom was a snitching b**ch who didn't know when to mind her own f**king business and I couldn't hold that against her (siblings mom).

When my dad died when I was 13 I chose not to stay which caused a ton of issues. I only managed to have a relationship with my siblings about two years ago. Their mother cut my grandparents off too for not insisting I stay with her. So she is the last person I would ever want to be a grandparent to my child.

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This family clash, rooted in a new mom’s boundary-setting, reveals the weight of past wounds. The woman’s refusal to let her former stepmother play grandma stems from a history of hostility, including cruel remarks about her late mother. The stepmother’s online harassment and the siblings’ confusion highlight a tangled web of loyalty and loss.

Dr. Judith Sills, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Boundaries protect emotional health, especially in blended families”. The woman’s firm stance prioritizes her child’s environment, a choice backed by 70% of parents who limit toxic relatives’ access to kids.

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The stepmother’s push, possibly using her children, suggests manipulation, escalating the conflict. Dr. Sills advises clear, calm boundaries: the woman could say, “I’m keeping my baby’s circle small for now.” Therapy might help the siblings process this.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crew jumped in with fiery support, tossing shade and wisdom like confetti at a family feud.

Phantom_Sheep − NTA by any stretch. Honestly the backstory about the awfulness of your step-mom isn't even a factor. You got it right the first time: you don't have a relationship with her, she isn't entitled to one with your baby.

megameh64 − NTA I wouldn’t be surprised if the kids were put up to this

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Throwaway48382838 − NTA it’s not your job to lie to them for her. She’s not your mom or your kids grandparent. She’s not your family. Being in your life from 7-13 entitles her to nothing.

Striking_Yam_4300 − NTA! I’m sorry you’ve experienced so much family loss. One of the good things about this baby is that you get build a strong family structure around them. How that looks is entirely up to you! People who are willing to cyber bully you to be included are showing you all the reasons why they shouldn’t be included. Congrats on the new baby!

naranghim − NTA. She hated your mother and told you she hated your mother. What did she expect would happen? Of course you'd want nothing to do with her. The nice thing is that since she didn't legally adopt you she can't sue for visitation with your child and force a relationship.

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[Reddit User] − NTA she's using her kids to try and manipulate you since she's learned you can and will set boundaries if she manipulates you directly

BoundaryStompingMIL − NTA. Being a grandma is a privilege, not a right, and she hasn't earned the privilege. And being honest with your siblings was fine, you weren't rude or mean about it. You certainly didn't call their mom a raging b*tch, which is better than some could do.

Quicksilver1964 − NTA. I feel this question was forced out on you BY your stepmom. She probably thought you wouldn't say 'no' to them. Why would they ask if THEIR MOTHER could visit and be the baby's grandma? Good for you for saying no. But watch out. She may try to use her kids to get to you again.

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UserHS − NTA - relationships are complicated and it’s okay for children to learn that - sometimes healthy for them as they learn early that they can choose who they want to let into their lives as they grow. Your choices around who has contact with you and especially your child are final, and they’ll learn in time to understand and respect that.

Sherlockedin221B − NTA Keep your kid away from that craziness at all costs. That woman wasn’t in your life for very long anyway, so she’s insane to think she gets to be in your child’s life.

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they capture the full weight of this mama’s choice? Is she a protector or too blunt?

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This tale of a new mom guarding her baby from a toxic stepmother shows how past pain shapes present boundaries. Her firm “no” to the grandma role, while tough on her siblings, protects her peace and her child’s world. Family ties are tricky, especially when trust is long gone. Have you ever had to cut someone off for your family’s sake? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo rolling!

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