AITA for telling my roommate I don’t cook food she likes because I don’t cook for her?

When you share a communal food budget with roommates, expectations can easily get tangled. In your situation, you, your girlfriend, and your roommate all chip in for “house food,” but the system isn’t working seamlessly for everyone. You cook meals primarily for you and your girlfriend, while your roommate’s preferences and comments about your cooking style—like calling your spaghetti “the white people way”—have sparked tension.

Ultimately, you expressed that you’re not responsible for cooking to her taste because you weren’t cooking for her. This blunt declaration has landed you in a bit of hot water, but it also shines a light on the underlying issues of your shared food arrangement.

‘AITA for telling my roommate I don’t cook food she likes because I don’t cook for her?’

Dr. Rachel Nguyen, an expert in interpersonal communication and conflict resolution, explains, “When living with roommates, establishing clear boundaries and expectations around shared resources is key. The OP’s decision to cook according to his own preferences for the meals intended for him and his girlfriend is reasonable, especially if it was understood that the shared food budget covers communal meals only.”

(source: [​]) However, Dr. Nguyen adds that even when setting boundaries, it’s important to communicate them in a way that minimizes defensiveness. “It’s not inherently wrong for someone to assert that they cook for themselves; the challenge comes in delivering that message in a way that doesn’t dismiss the other person’s input entirely. A friendly conversation clarifying that everyone is welcome to prepare their own meals if they have specific tastes can prevent recurring tensions,” she notes.

This situation highlights the delicate balance between personal cooking styles and communal living expectations. While the OP is not obligated to adjust his cooking methods for his roommate—since he’s not cooking solely for her—the way he communicated his stance may have escalated the conflict.

A more diplomatic approach, like suggesting that if she prefers the sauce mixed in, she might want to prepare her own version or offer to try mixing a small portion, could have acknowledged her preference without compromising his established routine.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many Redditors seem to agree with a “NAH” verdict. Some point out that if you’re not cooking for her, you shouldn’t be expected to cater to her taste, while others believe the communal food system itself is the problem. One recurring suggestion is to rework the arrangement—perhaps by having individual food budgets or rotating cooking duties—to better accommodate everyone’s needs without unwanted interference.

This situation highlights that shared living arrangements often require clear boundaries and open communication. While you’re within your right to cook according to your own tastes for the meals you intend for you and your girlfriend, it might be time to revisit the shared food policy with your roommate.

How can you establish a system that respects everyone’s contributions and preferences? Have you considered a meeting to sort out these responsibilities? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how to turn a contentious shared space into a harmonious home.