AITA for telling my roommate her friend needs to start paying rent or spend less time at our place?

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Imagine settling into your work-from-home groove, only to hear a video game blaring from your living room—again. For one 25-year-old Reddit user, her roommate’s friend Mike has become an uninvited fixture, crashing 5-6 nights a week, munching her groceries, and shrugging off her pleas for quiet.

Her cozy apartment, once a peaceful haven, now feels like a free hostel. When she suggested Mike chip in for rent or visit less, her roommate snapped, defending his “troubles.” In this shared space, boundaries blur, and tempers flare. Can she reclaim her home without burning bridges, or will Mike’s mooching ways keep chaos on the couch?

‘AITA for telling my roommate her friend needs to start paying rent or spend less time at our place?’

So I (25F) share a 2 bedroom apartment with a friend of mine from high school (26F). We’ve lived together for almost a year and had no problems until the last couple months. She has a “friend” we will call Mike. (he’s around our age) At first they were seeing eachother romantically, but have since decided to just be friends.

Mike is at our apartment a LOT. Like he stays the night 5-6 nights a week usually. He eats my food without asking and has basically laughed at my polite requests to replace the food he eats. If it was a snack here and there I wouldn’t mind, but I will buy groceries for the week and it’s half gone within a couple days because of him.

He sleeps with her in her room, but when they’re not sleeping or if she is at work he is in the living room loudly playing video games. I work from home and he is disruptive during my work hours most days. Again, when I’ve requested him to quiet down he laughs it off like I’m joking.

A few days ago we had a rare evening where he wasn’t at our place. My roommate was watching tv in the living room and I took the opportunity to bring up my concerns. When I brought up the behavior that bothers me, she apologized but basically said she can’t change who he is.

I then said I think if he’s going to be practically living at our place and eating my food, he should be contributing to rent/groceries. She essentially said that was unfair as he’s “not on our lease”. I told her if that was the case then he needs to spend much less time at our place, because he’s not a tenant.

She also said he has troubles at home (he still lives with his parents and is unemployed) and it would hurt their friendship if she asked him to help out or stop coming around. She thinks I’m being a huge AH and Im sure she’s told him what I said because he’s been really snarky ever since the conversation. AITA for asking that he help pay to essentially live at our place?

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This Reddit user’s clash with her roommate over Mike’s constant presence is a textbook boundary issue. Mike’s 5-6 night stays, eating her food, and disrupting her workday turn their apartment into his crash pad. Her roommate’s defense—citing Mike’s home troubles—dodges the real issue: respect for shared space. Reddit’s push for locks or moving out echoes the user’s frustration.

Roommate conflicts often stem from unclear boundaries. A 2021 Apartment Guide survey found 65% of renters face disputes over guests or shared resources. Mike’s freeloading, especially eating half her groceries, crosses a line. Her roommate’s refusal to act prioritizes Mike over their agreement, straining their friendship.

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Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever, says, “Clear boundaries prevent resentment in shared living.” The user’s request for Mike to contribute or visit less is fair, but her roommate’s dismissal escalates tension. To resolve this, the user could propose a house meeting to set rules, like no unaccompanied guests or shared grocery costs. Labeling her food or using a mini-fridge might deter Mike’s mooching. If talks fail, her plan to move out, as mentioned in her edit, is wise.

The user should stay calm but firm, documenting incidents to strengthen her case. This saga shows shared spaces thrive on mutual respect.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit served up fiery takes on this roommate drama. Here’s what they had to say:

coffeebean823113 - NTA. That is some big brass ones to hang out and interrupt your work day and eat your groceries. So your roommate basically he is an AH and won’t change. I’d be tempted to kick her out. There isn’t much of a relationship with her to damage.

Consistent-Leopard71 - NTA. Your roommate has essentially added another roommate to your living situation without your consent. He absolutely should not be eating your food nor should he be there when she isn't. They are both being completely unreasonable.

PolesRunningCoach - NTA. No one wants the uninvited extra roomie. Except your roommate, apparently. But it doesn’t seem like he’s eating her groceries and disrupting her workday.

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Kalexn - Major NTA. You are paying more because he is there. You know about food but what about utilities? It is not your fault he is unemployed and lives with his parents. He should probably look for a job to be able to move out if it is such an issue.

Coming around is one thing but living there (hanging out and playing video games during the day while you are working!) is something else entirely. If she doesn't budge on it I would be seeing if there is a new place you can move to if they both want to be roommates so badly.

theDagman - NTA Mike cannot be at the apartment when your roommate isn't. That's a violation of basic roommate etiquette of no unaccompanied guests. And yes, he needs to pay for the food he eats. It's not free, and it's not his. I'd start calling him 'Mooch'. Shame him for his moochery. Make him uncomfortable. He may get the hint and find some other place to avoid his parents.

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BellaLuna2014 - NTA He needs to go sponge off someone else! I could never understand how people can just be jobless and live off of others. BTW the reason he has ‘troubles’ at home is because his parents probably are pushing him to be a productive member of society. He needs to move out and get a job!

Accomplished_Twist_3 - Check your lease. Alot of times they state restrictions on guests. If you have limits, get management to tell roommate to nix the guest. Good luck!

scotsman81 - Nta, I had a situation like this, so I said `either she starts paying her way, or she can't stay here'. I ended up moving out, back with my parents, cause I was moving to California and had to save money

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BensMom2019 - NTA at all. Put padlocks on the cupboards and fridge and tell your roommate you’ll take them off once he stops mooching your stuff.

DaiZzedandConFuZed - NTA. Like he stays the night 5-6 nights a week usually. He eats my food without asking and has basically laughed at my polite requests to replace the food he eats. If it was a snack here and there I wouldn’t mind,

but I will buy groceries for the week and it’s half gone within a couple days because of him. Sounds like you have a *rude* 3rd roommate, and your actual roommate is clearly taking his side. IMO you should just get out. It sounds like your roommate is the issue as much as her friend is.

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These bold opinions slam Mike’s mooching, but do they miss any middle ground?

This roommate saga shows how an uninvited guest can turn a home into a battleground. The user’s call for Mike to pay up or clear out is fair, but her roommate’s loyalty to him complicates things. Setting firm boundaries or moving out could restore peace. What would you do with a freeloading houseguest disrupting your space? Drop your thoughts below!

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