AITA for telling my parents they don’t celebrate my achievements and it feels like they aren’t proud of me?

Jonathan Hours
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When achievements shape our sense of self-worth, feeling unacknowledged—especially by your own parents—can be incredibly painful. In this story, a 15‑year‑old debater shares how, after a major win at a school debate that secured a place in the finals at Parliament, her excitement was met with indifference at home.

Instead of celebrating her success, her parents casually complimented her older brother for a minor accomplishment. Feeling that her hard work had been brushed aside, she confronted her parents about how little they appeared to care about her achievements. Now, she wonders if she was wrong for speaking up.

‘AITA for telling my parents they don’t celebrate my achievements and it feels like they aren’t proud of me?’

I (15f) have been doing debating for my school this year. We beat out 50 teams and managed to get into quarter finals, and then the semi finals. Today we had the semi finals. It went for 1.5 hours and it was a really good debate. Fortunately, my team managed to come out on top. Now, we are in the finals, and we’ve been told it is going to be held at Parliament.

We’re going to be debating in the Debate Chamber, where elections are held and decisions are made. This is one of, if not my greatest, achievement. I came home to tell my parents, and they said “cool.” And then started talking to my older brother about how he did his PE assignment, and how proud they are of him.

He did a compulsory assignment and he gets all the praise in the world. I get to debate in the same place our prime minister is decided, and I get a “cool.” I’ve only been debating for 6 months, as has my whole team. We’ve beat 50 teams and have accomplished a huge thing and my parents don’t care. So I said so.

I told them they don’t value my achievements and my brother is always praised for things that don’t need praising. They got mad at me for ‘disrespecting’ them and now won’t talk to me. I feel like I just want to be appreciated and no matter how many times I’ve told them that, they just don’t care. AITA?

Family therapists underscore the importance of validation in a child’s emotional development. Dr. Melissa Hart, a licensed psychologist specializing in adolescent development, explains, “When young people share significant achievements and receive a tepid response from their parents, it can deeply affect their sense of self-worth. Positive reinforcement is crucial, not just for immediate motivation but for long-term emotional health.”

Dr. Hart also notes that siblings often internalize comparisons, and when one child is consistently favored or validated over the other, feelings of neglect and jealousy may emerge. “Parents need to be aware that celebrating each child’s unique strengths helps establish secure attachments and boosts self-confidence,” she adds. She further emphasizes that open communication is key: “If a child feels unappreciated, it’s important to talk about those feelings in a calm environment, so that misunderstandings don’t fester into long-term resentment.”

This expert insight suggests that while the daughter’s reaction is understandable, it may be beneficial for the family to engage in a calm discussion where the daughter can express her feelings and the parents have a chance to understand and adjust their approach.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community’s reactions to this dilemma have been largely supportive of the daughter’s feelings: Many commenters expressed empathy, with several noting that it’s completely valid for the daughter to feel hurt when her achievements are undervalued, particularly in a family setting.

Several remarks pointed out that it isn’t fair if one child’s accomplishments are always celebrated while others are ignored. They stressed that every achievement matters and deserves recognition, especially when it comes from hard work and dedication.

Artedia − NTA. First of all congrats for that great achievement!  It's a parents job to value all achievements their kids have, not only the ones they maybe can relate more to or the golden child has. They should listen to their child if it doesn't feel validated and think about what they can do to change that, so that every child feels like a part of the family.

Instead they threw a hissy fit and behave like teenagers in giving you the silent treatment, maybe because they know they are in the wrong and wouldn't stand a chance in debating this topic with you, as you clearly showed them, that you are good in debating ;) 

[Reddit User] − I did debating and public speaking when I was your age ( and won a national public speaking event). I know exactly how much work it takes, the need for both advance prep and thinking on your feet, and having mental flexibility to look at questions from a lot of different angles. All that while speaking fluently off the cuff!

You've done brilliantly, and you're building a skill set that will stand you in excellent stead when you're getting your place at uni, and then entering the working world. I'm sorry your parents don't seem to appreciate your achievement. Please accept a massive hug from a mum on the internet who does understand it. I'm incredibly proud of you.

It may be your parents don't get it, or they are focusing on your brother's feelings, or I don't know what. That is hurtful to you, whatever the motive, and you're not the AH for wanting more from your parents. But in the long run, you are going to do a hell of a lot better in life as an articulate, independent young woman who sets her own standards of achievement than by having people applaud you for doing the bare minimum.

GundyGalois − NTA I think anyone would feel the same way. Do they typically favor your brother, or do they just not understand debate very well? If you waited for a calmer moment and told them you wanted to talk to them about something important to you, would it help? People, even if in the wrong, often can't really hear what's being said to them in the heat of the moment. Most parents don't really want to hurt the feelings of one of their kids, but people can also be defensive.

abortedinutah69 − NTA. I’m older than enough to be your mom. If it helps, I’m very proud of you! Do you know what you want to study at Uni or do as a career? You have a very special skill and I hope you take it as far as you want to.

zara_starkerstreber − NTA your parents should be happy for you. You should communicate that you feel a lack of support. The way you do it is important though. It is an emotionally charged topic and that can be hard, but try to choose your words thoughtfully and respectfully, and leave your brother out of it.

I have personal experience of that sibling rivalry and resentment being brought into adulthood. My advice is just remember that the roles your family assigns you are arbitrary and mean nothing. Once you leave the nest this will become more evident. Don't let this spoil your relationship with your brother.

Altruistic_You737 − NTA! This internet stranger is really proud of you!! Getting to debate at Parliament is awesome! In fact the whole concept of a debate team is really really cool (it wasn’t a thing when I was at school but I wish it was) . You should be so chuffed! Well done 👏 

giveusalol − NTA Hey, as a former debater and debate coach, that sounds like an amazing run for 6 months! Absolutely well done! Are you doing British Parliamentary, World Schools or Aussie style debate? What do you enjoy about it? I’m so sorry your parents don’t take more of an interest.

It sounds like they take your good behaviour and/or high achievement for granted, but you have every reason to be proud. You communicated very clearly and respectfully in my opinion. If they choose to be defensive instead of considering your words and feelings, that’s on them.

Tough_Breadfruit_830 − Your parents suck. I wouldn't tell them about any achievements from now on. Hell be petty don't even invite them to your graduation cause if they don't want to celebrate your achievements then they don't get to celebrate one of your biggest ones. They clearly have a favourite child.

TooCool_TooFool − Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!. It's rich that *they* claim to be disrespected because *you* had the audacity to feel disrespected by them.. NTA. Your parents are immature. You could always show them silence is a two-way street. E: You quite literally never have to speak to them again.

That wouldn't be conducive to a healthy home life, but since you already don't have that... Things would likely get worse before there was even a potential to get better. But you don't have to interact with people that don't respect you; even if they're your parents.

In conclusion, you are not the asshole for expressing your hurt feelings when your parents didn’t acknowledge your hard-earned achievement. Your reaction is a natural response to a situation where you felt overshadowed and undervalued, particularly in contrast to the praise given to your brother. While it might help to have a calm, honest conversation with your parents about how their responses affect you emotionally, your desire for validation is completely justified.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced family favoritism or felt that your achievements were brushed aside? How did you address these feelings? Share your experiences and advice in the comments below—let’s discuss how to build supportive family communication.

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