AITA for telling my parents I didn’t choose to have their kids and I will not make life easier for them once I move out?

Jonathan Hours
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A teenager stands at the edge of freedom, her 18th birthday a beacon of escape from a home where she’s been more parent than sister. For years, she’s juggled diapers and sibling squabbles, her youth buried under family demands. Now, her parents beg her to stay, leaning on guilt to keep her tethered. Can she break free?

Her story of defiance against parentification strikes a chord, stirring empathy for her stolen childhood. Readers feel her exhaustion, fueling a debate about family duty versus personal freedom.

‘AITA for telling my parents I didn’t choose to have their kids and I will not make life easier for them once I move out?’

I (17f) turn 18 in a few weeks. I am counting down the days to getting out of my parents house. They, however, have become so reliant on me that I know they are dreading the day and are wishing they could legally prevent me from moving out. I'm their oldest kid. They have 4 others, all under 10. My siblings have been put on me for a long time now.

Even when I was their ages it was expected I would step up because I'm the oldest. It was both parentification and the old school thing of the oldest is expected to help because they were born first. Not all of it was parentification but some of it sure was.

We're talking about helping with homework, making sure they didn't kill each other, walking them to friends houses, watching them while mom and dad ran errands. But you also had stuff like feed them lunch and/or dinner when mom and dad weren't home.

Babysit overnight when they wanted to go to stuff. Walk them to school once they started. I was told I needed to know how to change diapers and feed them as babies. That's the sort of stuff that happened a lot. I got some freedom, but for every afternoon I could do whatever, I needed at least three weeks of 'work' behind me.

Over time it became me being the one home more than them, and guilt trips laid at my feet if I wanted to do something and my siblings wanted me to be home with them instead, and my parents saying I should treasure those moments while they want me like that.

I'm pretty damn tired of it. I don't enjoy my siblings. Part of me wishes they had never been born so at least I could have looked out for just myself and not had to sacrifice so much. I don't feel like the benefits are there for me and it's sad because most of my friends adore having siblings. While I'm left feeling like it's a chore.

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I started saving some money when I was 14. My parents don't know but it can help me move out right as I turn 18. The topic of my birthday came up recently and my parents came to me all 'you'll still come around right, you'll still help take care of them right, you still owe us you know, we're still you're family' with that kind of stuff.

I told them no I wouldn't. They told me to think of the kids if not them. That's when I said I didn't choose to have their kids and I wasn't going to keep making their life easier and my life more difficult. That I'll be gone and they'll have to figure s**t out on their own.. AITA?

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This teen’s tale exposes the heavy toll of parentification. She’s been a stand-in parent, managing her siblings’ needs while her own go unmet. Her bold refusal to continue this role at 18 is a stand for her autonomy, despite her parents’ guilt trips.

Parentification often breeds resentment and anxiety. A 2021 Journal of Family Psychology study (source) shows parentified children face emotional challenges. Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist, says, “When parents rely on children for adult roles, it disrupts their need for autonomy” (source). The teen’s frustration is valid—her childhood was sacrificed.

This reflects a wider issue: older siblings, often daughters, are expected to prioritize family over self. Setting boundaries is key. She could write a letter to her parents, as therapists suggest, to express her needs.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users rallied with fiery support for the teen’s stand—think cheers mixed with witty jabs.

Professional_Rain739 - NTA. you were the parent during your teen years, it’s time for them to become a parent now. Happy early birthday, and i hope you get a nice place to stay and it all works out well!

outfluenced - NTA, these are not your kids. You don’t owe them anything.

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[Reddit User] - NTA and I can’t wait for the update of your moving out and thriving, while focusing on yourself. You’re right, they’re not you’re kids and not your responsibility. Your parents sound terrible and have no boundaries. Your parents had kids and expecting one of their own to raise them was not fair to you. If I were you I wouldn’t speak of this in front of your parents, I’d just sign the lease pack up my stuff and go.

Bellydancingwitch - NTA, Are you sure your money is safe? Depending on where you live you parents might have access to your bank account or even rights to just take your money. And even if they don't legally have the right to take your money,

if they have excess to it, it would be a very a hard time consuming and expensive lawsuit to get it back (and that might not even work). They might think 'if she doesn't have money, she won't move out'. Please ensure your money is somewhere they cannot steal it from you. Good luck!

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ComprehensiveSir3892 - NTA. **you still owe us you know**. '....this was determined to be a lie...'. THEY had you, so THEY are responsible for raising you, AND YOUR SIBLINGS.. Don't let them guilt you into staying involved.. Text with your sibs, and explain to them it's Mom & Dad's time to \*shine\*.

Klute7 - NTA, if you are of adult age and financially able to move out, you completely should. Hopefully with time you’ll be able to transition to just being a sister to your younger siblings rather than a parent figure, and enjoy visits.

Kialya - NTA. Run when you turn 18. You’re not obligated to assist in anyway and it’s sad that you have a crappy relationship with your siblings because your parents made you take care of them instead of enjoy them as siblings. Maybe in a few years when they also mature and grow up you can have a better relationship with them.

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000-Hotaru_Tomoe - NTA. Not all of it was parentification but some of it sure was.. Oh no, honey: according to what you wrote, this is textbook parentification. It's okay to give a hand with chores and homeworks, but changing diapers, feeding the bottle to babies are a parent's duty..

I'm horrified that your parents deprived you of your childhood, forcing you to become a third parent. And also the sentiments you nurture toward your siblings are a consequence of your parents' actions (or better: of their inaction as parents).. I wish you the best for your new life ♥ enjoy every moment of it.

NorthernLitUp - NTA. Tell them you will gladly help with the kids when you move out. Then, state your price for babysitting, to be paid in advance and overtime charges if they're not back by the agreed on time. Their free labor is over. They can either parent their own kids or pay you to do so if and when you want to.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. I grew up like this and it was terrible. It made me 100% uninterested in having kids of my own, because I'd basically already sacrificed my childhood to raise two other kids. At 37 I've still never had one moment of wavering on that. OP, run as soon as you can. Live your life.

My best advice is not to feel guilty when your siblings cry about how they miss you. Yes, it's sad, but your parents are the ones hurting them, not you. My siblings were angry with me for a decade. We all had a lot of things to work through in our teens/20s because of our warped childhood and we all had some rough years.

You sacrificing yourself for them won't prevent that from happening, because the root of their abandonment is that their parents were uninvolved and they'll have to work through that someday whether or not you stay. As adults we are all now friends who understand the 'why's' behind everything.

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These hot takes spark debate, but do they capture the full picture of family versus freedom?

This teen’s rebellion against parentification challenges family roles and unspoken expectations. Her fight for independence invites us to reflect on duty and self. What would you do, balancing sibling love with personal freedom? Share your thoughts below—let’s talk!

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