AITA for telling my parents I am not going to help them out ever again and they are now on their own?

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A young adult, scarred by years of being forced to care for a volatile younger brother, has finally said enough is enough. Refusing to step back into that role, they’ve told their parents they’re on their own—igniting a firestorm of guilt and accusations. Was this a fair stand, or a step too far?

This Reddit tale digs into the weight of past sacrifices and the right to set boundaries. Let’s explore this family fracture.

‘AITA for telling my parents I am not going to help them out ever again and they are now on their own?’

I am the oldest in my family. I had two siblings. My sister died when she was 6 months old in a SIDS death. I was 5 at the time. When I was 6 they had my brother. From a young age my brother showed concerning behavior and over the years it only got worse.

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He is very destructive and angry and has been in and out of our local children's hospital for psych evals and behavioral assessments since he was 4 years old. The police have been called to our house many times before to help get him under control. He has never been formally diagnosed but he was medicated a few times to sedate him and try to curb his outbursts.

My life was on hold because of all of this. I was not allowed to have friends over, I was not allowed to attend birthday parties until I was old enough to walk there myself. Money was tight and it meant sacrificing a lot. I was 9 when I last celebrated my birthday with my family and once I hit 9 there was nothing again until I was 13 and considered old enough to do something with my friends without adult supervision.

And even then I had to ask for no gifts because anything I had was broken by my brother. It was a nightmare. My parents would often leave me in charge so they could get a break and then my life was hell. Once I was around 12 I was considered old enough to watch him while mom got groceries, even though I was not old enough to go hang with my friends.

By 14 it was hours at night. A few times even overnight. I was not prepared and our house was destroyed every time. And my parents would express disappointment in my handling of things. The best period of time was when I was 16 and he was placed in residential treatment for a whole month.

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It was by far the best month of my life in years at that point. It was hard when he returned, no better than he was when he left. It felt like my life had ended. I moved out as soon as I could and I have distanced myself from my family.

My parents have tried to keep in touch but I am bitter toward them for my childhood. And they are aware. They have made excuses for why they made certain decisions. Now they need my help. My brother has gotten worse, they haven't had any kind of a break in 7 months,

they want me to babysit for a few hours or a night so they can get a break. I told them no. They told me they need my help. That's when I told them I would never help them again and they are on their own.. They told me I was being unfair. They asked me how I could do this to them.. AITA?

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Being parentified as a child can leave deep emotional scars, and this individual’s experience—watching a sibling, managing chaos, and sacrificing their own childhood—fits that pattern. Refusing further help is a reclaiming of autonomy, not a betrayal, especially since the parents failed to secure proper support for the brother.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a family systems expert, states, “Parentification robs children of their developmental needs—adults must prioritize their healing over guilt trips.” A 2023 Child Welfare Information Gateway report notes 40% of parentified children face long-term mental health challenges, justifying the need for boundaries. The parents’ expectation ignores the past toll.

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This reflects broader family dynamics issues. Dr. Papernow advises, “Seek therapy to process the resentment—boundaries are healthy, not cruel.” The NTA consensus aligns with this, affirming the individual’s right to move forward.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s family advocates rallied with support and insight. Here’s what they had to say:

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BengalBBQ - Your parents have done very little to nothing to aleviate the situation. WHY hasn't your brother been diagnosed? Why don't they have him in therapy. Why did they emotionally abandon YOU for most of your childhood? This is a problem of their own making and THEY need to figure it out, not dump it on you. NTA

grussfish - NTA NTA NTA. Every time I see a post like this where a child has clearly been parentified, my heart aches and I want to do everything I can to reassure you that you are *not an a**hole* for wanting to take care of yourself when you've spent so much of your young life taking care of others far before it was reasonable to have that thrust upon you.

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I'm very sorry and sympathetic to what your parents endured with your brother but that does not justify them taking away your childhood so they could have rest. They have taken so much from you already; you now get to dictate not what is taken but what you want to give.

If you do not want to give right now, that is okay. That is healthy. It's you knowing and living by your boundaries. NTA. How could you do this to them? They're the parents - how could they do this to *you*. I hope you're taking very good care of yourself and finding joy in the world!

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MeadowEstelle - NTA. They should’ve been protecting you when you were a CHILD. You certainly have no obligation to help them as an adult. How old is your brother now? Is he still getting psychological help?

winsluc12 - NTA. 'Needing A break' is not enough reason to leave a violent child alone with a twelve year old. How could they possibly expect you to manage your brother when even they clearly can't? They also completely neglected your needs in favor of your brother, who clearly made your life hell. I cannot stress enough that you are fully justified in refusing them any contact, much less any actual help. You've helped them enough, far more than you should have had to.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Your brothers behavior is not something that happened overnight. They have been aware from when he was very young how he is. After all of his treatment, he should have some kind of case manager/social worker and if not,

your parents need to look into that. You are their son, not his caretaker. It is not your responsibility to look after him. It is not unfair of you, it is unfair of them to basically treat you as a third parent-that is technically a form of abuse.. Stick to your boundaries.

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TinyRascalSaurus - NTA. They should have been looking for permanent placement for him rather than using you for respite care. You were a child, and should not have been forced to parent a behaviorally challenged child. Not to mention you should have had a safe childhood, without constant fear of him and his outbursts. You were sacrificed to try to control him, and that was wrong and harmful to you.

McflyThrowaway01 - NTA. YOUR BROTHER NEEDS TO BE IN A GROUO HOME OR SOME KIND OF OTHER FACILITY!!!! I would reiterate to your parents that they better have plans in place to put him in a facility when they are too old to take care of him because you won't do it.

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IAmHerdingCatz - NTA. You were neglected and parentified from an early age and have every right to be angry. Your parents should look into respite. Also, as someone who worked in adolescent psych units for 25 years I can assure you that your brother has been diagnosed. Your parents might not like the diagnosis or want to discuss it, but I assure you it's there.. Your parents can consider themselves lucky if you retain contact with them at all.

coloradogrown85 - OP, you are 100% NTA. Your parents parentified you, are neglecting your brother and should research whatever resources might be available for your brother's care. Perhaps there is some respite care available, but you are not that.. You have already sacrificed enough, years and years worth of sacrifice.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Clearly you weren't allowed to establish any sort of boundary when you were young, and now you can. Good on you for enforcing that boundary. I feel bad for your family but it's really not on you.

From urging professional help for the brother to validating the break, these takes sharpen the debate. Do they resolve the rift, or is there more to this family struggle?

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This tale of a stolen childhood and a bold boundary highlights the cost of neglectful parenting. Refusing to help was a necessary stand after years of sacrifice, though it stings the family dynamic. Should they have offered a compromise, or is cutting ties the only way? How would you respond to parents who lean on you after years of burden? Share your thoughts below!

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