AITA For telling my nephew his dad had an affair?

In a quiet moment, a 17-year-old boy’s search for answers about his late mother shattered years of carefully guarded lies. His uncle, torn between loyalty to family and a promise to be truthful, shared the painful reality: his father’s affair ended his parents’ marriage, and his mother never abandoned him. The revelation, spurred by a therapist’s advice, unleashed a storm of emotions and threats from the boy’s father, leaving the uncle questioning if honesty was worth the cost.

This Reddit story captures the weight of truth in a family fractured by deceit. The uncle’s decision to confirm his nephew’s suspicions about his father’s betrayal was meant to heal, but it sparked conflict with the boy’s father, who now bans contact. Was the uncle wrong to speak up, or did the nephew deserve the truth to move forward? Readers are drawn into this tangled web of loyalty and loss.

‘AITA For telling my nephew his dad had an affair?’

My sister was with her 1st husband for 4 yrs dating & then married for 14 so 18 yrs total. 13 years ago, On their 14th wedding anniversary, he finally admits to my sister that he has been having an affair & is leaving my sister for the affair partner. They had a 4 yr old son when this went down.

BIL kicked my sister out of the house. It wasn't my sisters choice for her marriage to end or to be forced from her home. He married his affair partner and things remained contemptuous. My sister passed away very suddenly 5 yrs ago.

All of these years I had a feeling that BIL wasn't telling my nephew the truth about her death but he was a kid and I wasn't the parent so I tried to respect boundaries. I knew that one day my nephew would come to me with questions

and I decided that when he was old enough to think to ask these questions, he would be old enough to hear the answers. This was something I really struggled with because I knew that those answers would be extremely different from what his dad had told him.

I didn't want to cause problems in their relationship and I didn't want to hurt my nephew. That day finally came 2 weeks ago. Nephew is 17 ½ now. He started going through a depression at Christmas time with his mom once again not being there with him.

He could tell his dad was lying about things. He ended up going to therapy and his therapist encouraged him to talk to me to get the answers he needed. I feel like the lies were seriously hindering my nephews ability to cope with the loss of his mom.

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When BIL & his wife (affair partner) asked Nephew why he was depressed & he answered it was about his mom's death, the wife looked at Nephew and said, “That happened years ago. You should be over that by now”. BIL had been telling him lies about his mom that I won't go into here.

So Nephew's 1st questions was about his mother's death. I explained the autopsy results as gently as I could. His next question was, “Why did she abandon me?” Given his age & the fact the his therapist encouraged him to come to me for answers, I told him the truth. This was a huge blow to him. His dad had lied about so many things.

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Edit: She didn't abdanon him. That was a lie. BIL kicked them both out of the house to move Affair Partner in. BIL is a pathological liar. So when Nephew asked him point blank if he'd had an affair with Step Mom, BIL lied to his face. But Nephew is smart & had confirmed everything I said with a close family friend.

So Nephew said, “So, guess who else I talked to?” He was caught. He told my nephew he had the affair “to keep Nephew safe”. 2 days later BIL contacted me, said a bunch of vile s**t & told me I couldn't talk to my nephew anymore, at all.

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BIL is threatening me with legal action if I contact my nephew & will not allow my nephew to contact us. I feel like I did the right thing by telling Nephew the truth. But it's been 2 wks since I've heard from my nephew and it's killing me. Am I the a**hole for telling the truth?. Edit for clarity

Edit 2: I came into this fully prepared to be The A**hole and to apologize to BIL if that was the case. I'm relieved that so many people think I'm NTA and I truly appreciate all your your msg's. I haven't had time to reply to all of them but I'm reading them all and your kind words of support mean the world to me.

A common question was what could BIL possibly do to me legally. The answer is I have no idea but hes a crazy mother f*cker and I wouldn't put anything past him.. As crazy and assholish as he is, my nephew is physically safe with him. He was never physically abusive.

I do not have any trusted friends or family that could help me get a discreet msg to Nephew. The family friend that confirmed the affair to him was the only one and BIL has warned them off too. BIL is a teacher at Nephew's high school so I can't leave a msg there either.

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I am still on the fence about trying to contact him. I don't believe BIL would actually be able to get a restraining order against me but my Nephew is too important to us to take that chance. He has another yr of high school so it would be difficult for him if his dad is threatening to cut him off if he speaks to me.

Several people asked about Nephew staying with me & my husband. He is absolutely welcome to live here and both of our kids have offered to give up their bedrooms to give Nephew his own room. It will be completely up to Nephew but he has that option.

Telling a teenager the truth about a parent’s betrayal is like navigating a minefield—one wrong step can cause lasting damage. The uncle’s choice to answer his nephew’s questions, backed by a therapist’s encouragement, prioritized the boy’s emotional healing over family secrets. The father’s lies, painting the mother as an abandoner, deepened the nephew’s depression, while the stepmother’s dismissive “get over it” comment showed a lack of empathy. The uncle’s honesty aimed to free the nephew from a false narrative.

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This situation highlights the broader issue of how parental deception impacts children. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 59% of teens exposed to family lies about significant events struggle with trust and mental health. The nephew’s depression, worsened by his father’s falsehoods, underscores the harm of withholding truth.

Dr. Kenneth Barish, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Honesty with adolescents, when they seek it, fosters trust and helps them process grief” (kennethbarish.com). The uncle’s decision aligned with this, offering clarity to a grieving teen, though it provoked the father’s wrath. The father’s threats to cut contact reflect a controlling response, not a protective one.

The uncle could maintain support by leaving open channels for the nephew, perhaps through a trusted intermediary, while respecting legal boundaries. Offering a home if the nephew chooses to leave could be a lifeline.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s got a lot to say about this family drama, and they’re not holding back! The community rallied behind the uncle, praising his honesty and slamming the father’s lies and threats.

Wikidess - NTA - your nephew is about to be an adult and eventually, when he's no longer under his father's control, he knows where to find you.

SciFiEmma - NTA. Can nephew live with you if he wants?

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FriendlyMum - NTA Nephew came to you with genuine questions on the advice of a medical professional. You told the truth. Yeahhhh child is a minor but the BIL can crap on all he likes about you not seeing Nephew.... Nephew will be an adult fairly soon and be able to make his own decisions

anonsnake99 - Nta good for you that you were able to tell him the truth. That’s what he deserves

junaidaslam1983 - NTA - Poor nephew. You’re such a good strong uncle. Your sister would have been proud of you for being there for him.

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kill4kandy - I'm not sure where you live, but in most states in the US a child at 17 can legally move out of a parent's home. I hope he bounces out of that situation soon. His father and stepmother sound toxic as f**k.. I'm glad you're will to let him move in with you if/when he wants to do that.. NTA.

royalrainbowow - NTA even if your BIL wasn't a manipulative liar, the guy is essentially a grown up and deserves to hear truths no matter how harsh to anyone

Unusual-Image - Info so your sister was cheated on and then just didn't go see her child anymore?

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Master-Manipulation - NTA. The past and lies were seriously affecting your nephew, and you gave him the liberating truth. You did nothing wrong. The father is just mad that the truth is out and he can no longer control his son through lies.

It’s obvious his current wife doesn’t care either by her response to your nephew’s depression. Offer him your shoulder to lean on, maybe even let him live with you. I get the feeling that if he could get out of that house he’d feel so much better

graemevsworld - NTA - this was never information you should have had to tell your nephew in the first place, and the fact you respected his intelligence and dignity as a person when he asked is important.. Despite what your BIL thinks, you didn’t start drama, it’s really not even your drama.

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Your nephew could have handled this situation more delicately without the name drop to avoid the strife you’re currently experiencing, but we were all 17 once and we don’t always go into these things calmly so.

These takes highlight a shared belief that truth sets teens free, but do they oversimplify the fallout of breaking family secrets, or is honesty always the best path?

This uncle’s choice to tell his nephew the truth was a brave step to help a grieving teen, but it came with a cost—family tension and threats. By prioritizing the nephew’s healing over the father’s lies, he offered a chance for closure, even if it meant risking their bond. What would you do if a teen asked you for painful family truths? How would you handle the backlash? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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