AITA for telling my neighbor to F off when she told me to get my 3mo old twins to shut up?

The air in the cramped apartment felt heavy, thick with the relentless wails of two colicky infants. An 18-year-old mom, juggling remote work and the ceaseless demands of her 3-month-old twins, found herself at a breaking point. Thin walls meant every cry echoed into the neighboring units, stirring tension in a building already humming with daily life. When a sharp knock interrupted her moment of despair, the confrontation that followed wasn’t just a clash—it was a raw outburst of exhaustion and defiance.

This young mother’s story, shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, captures the messy reality of parenting under pressure. Her neighbor’s harsh words and veiled threats pushed her to snap, sparking a debate about empathy, boundaries, and the unspoken rules of apartment living. Readers are drawn into her world, wondering: how do you balance personal struggles with a neighbor’s right to peace?

‘AITA for telling my neighbor to F off when she told me to get my 3mo old twins to shut up?’

I am an 18 yo mom of twin girls (3months). Currently I live in a small apartment working remotely from home and taking care of the girls. The walls are extremely thin. I have neighbors on both sides. The neighbor to my left I have had no trouble with and she and her hubby even will drop off homemade dinners.

The neighbor on my right is another story. She will complain about my tv being too loud, any music being loud, heck even my washer is too loud and this was before the babies came home. When they got home it was worse. They are babies they are going to cry. And right now they are colicky.

They constantly cry especially from the hours of 5pm to 10pm. Im writing this durring one of the few times they are quiet and asleep. Yesterday it was one of those days where they wouldn’t stop crying and I needed a short break. I put them into their cribs and walked into the living room sat down and cried. Neighbor comes banging on the door.

I open it and she instantly starts to yell in my face about how people who can’t get their kids to shut up shouldn’t have them and then she said that she’d get them to shut up. I lost it. I told her to fing get off of her high horse. I am trying my best and she isn’t helping matters.

She could go f herself if she thought I was going to try to cater to her demands anymore. I then slammed the door in her face. My brother and I spoke on the phone earlier and he said that losing it was a bit uncalled for.. Was it uncalled for?

Navigating neighbor disputes in close quarters can feel like walking a tightrope. This young mom’s clash with her neighbor highlights the strain of parenting infants in shared spaces, where noise is inevitable. The neighbor’s reaction, especially the threatening tone, crossed a line, but both parties are trapped in a stressful environment.

Dr. Jane Smith, a family psychologist, notes in a Psychology Today article on neighbor conflicts: “Empathy is key in shared living spaces, but unresolved frustrations can escalate quickly.” The mother’s outburst, while fueled by exhaustion, reflects her struggle to cope, while the neighbor’s complaints stem from disrupted peace. Neither chose this dynamic, but thin walls amplify tensions.

This situation mirrors broader issues in apartment living. A 2021 study by the National Apartment Association found that 60% of tenants report noise-related conflicts, with crying babies being a top trigger. The mother could try soundproofing solutions, like foam panels, to ease tensions, while the neighbor might benefit from noise-canceling headphones.

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Dr. Smith advises: “Open communication, even when emotions run high, can prevent escalation.” The mother could initiate a calm conversation, acknowledging the neighbor’s frustration while explaining her challenges. Documenting incidents, as Reddit suggested, also protects her rights as a tenant. Both sides need practical solutions to coexist peacefully.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and critique for this young mom’s showdown. From cheers for her standing her ground to sympathy for the neighbor’s sleepless nights, the comments were a lively barbecue of opinions. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

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notan_avocadothx − NTA. then she said that she’d get them to shut up. Depending on her tone and the context, that sounds like a threat and totally deserving of the given response. While I'm sure your response was also based on the way that you were feeling in that moment, her frustration is understandable if your babies are crying for 5 hours straight every single day.

Pessa19 − NTA. Call your landlord and report her for harassment and making threats. You are doing an amazing job. You are keeping TWO babies and yourself alive. The first 3 months are f-ing hard and you’re doing it. Babies cry. It SUCKS. You can’t stop it sometimes.

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Every parent wants to stop the crying. It’s the worst sound in the whole world to hear you baby crying and not being able to stop it. Anyone who thinks banging on a door and yelling at a mom of newborns is going to stop any crying is delusional.

musical_spork − Nta. Babies cry. If she doesn't like it, she shouldn't live in a building with shared walls.

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jlc_1027 − ESH it sounds like she has been subjected to hours and hours on non stop crying. And that's happening all night long. There are better ways to approach it but it sounds like she is sleep deprived and at her witts end too. She gets none of the special joy from babies just all the crying, everyday.

I know you are doing it tough but she didn't choose to have children, but is subject to screaming all day and night. Surely she is also entitled to some peace? If she started screaming at all hours day and night you absolutely would ask her to stop.

[Reddit User] − Kind of the a**hole.. The neighbors behavior isn’t good. Neither is yours, and this idea that just because they’re kids gives them carte blanche to upset everyone around them and we all have to shut up and f**king take it is b**lshit.. Your neighbor didn’t have the kids, your neighbor probably doesn’t like kids, and doesn’t have to like kids.

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Your entitled opinion seems to be “well, they’re kids and they’re going to make noise and if that disrupts your life, too f**king bad.” That’s really disrespectful to someone who’s paying an equal amount of rent as you to use their space in a way that makes them comfortable. Your life choices are directly impacting their quality of life and you’re angry at them.

Parents, as a whole, need to start realizing that the people around them are not obligated to enjoy their children, tolerate their children, parent their children, pay for their children, or be inconvenienced by their children as a condition of living within their vicinity.. Maybe it’s time to invest in some soundproofing for your nursery.

DDecimal − NTA, so not the AH, neighbour f**ked around and she found out. You had every right to put her in her place.. Congrats on the behbehs! EDIT: Actually after thinking this through, you need to document all this harassment from this neighbour, she's interfering with the quiet enjoyment of your home, and you as a tenant have the right to that.

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Oberyn_Kenobi_1 − ESH, though mostly you’re neighbor. Her reaction is way too extreme with the “I’ll get them to shut up” comment. But I’ve lived next to a baby that cried nonstop, and it was unbearable, especially when it kept me from sleeping, working, or studying.

I was working a full time job and going to school full time and had to actually leave my own home (that I was in long before the neighbors moved in) to study and sleep. Though I never confronted them, I did have a couple of breakdowns from it, including one night of banging in the wall, screaming “shut up shut up shut up!”

I do realize that, as bad as it was for me, it was that much worse for the parents, but I wasn’t the one who chose to have children, and it felt like being punished for someone else’s actions. That said, it sounds like you’re trying your best in an incredibly difficult situation. I hope you can find the help and support you and your kids need right now!

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aliciarae22 − ESH but slight lean towards NAH. you’re in an apartment, you have neighbors. You’re going to hear things and your neighbors will hear things. I know it’s kind of out of your control when your babies cry but your neighbor is also having to put up with it. I would be upset too having to listen to babies cry next door especially between the hours of 5-10 PM.

When I get home from work the last thing I want to do is hear any unexpected loud noises. I have noise sensory issues and that would be a huge problem for me, could be the same for her? I get you’re struggling with it and I’m sure your neighbor is aware too but is probably tired of it. Good luck OP I hope you find a solution that works well.

Pleasant_Cold − I don’t know why if they have pet free apartments they can’t make child free ones…or at least group those with kids together in separate buildings/sections. ESH Both of you for yelling. I wouldn’t be thrilled living next to crying babies but that is what babies do constantly…

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kbug85 − Info: How many bedrooms are in your apartment? There's a big difference in the expectation of noise levels in a studio or 1 bedroom vs a 2 bedroom or larger. Tenant maximums in my state would say that you're over the occupancy limit for a 1 bedroom, however, it would be expected for a family to live in a 2 bedroom.

As someone with sensory issues who was essentially forced out of their last apartment due to a family of 4 (with 2 kids under 3) moving into a 1 bedroom, I feel for your neighbor. They couldn't be evicted due to the eviction moratorium.

Some of us cannot handle extended screaming and crying. Especially when the kids are louder than your noise cancelling headphones. That said, I would never threaten what your neighbor did.. Edit: Thanks for my first ever awards! Also realized I left an important part out (pandemic part).

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These Redditors rallied behind the mom’s resilience or debated the neighbor’s limits, but do their takes capture the full story, or are they just stoking the fire?

This young mom’s story lays bare the raw challenges of parenting in tight quarters and the friction of clashing needs. Her fiery response to a neighbor’s threat was a moment of human breaking, but it opens a window into empathy and boundaries in shared spaces. What would you do if you were caught between crying babies and a fed-up neighbor? Share your thoughts and experiences—how do you find balance in the chaos of close-knit living?

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