AITA for telling my mums friends I wasn’t pregnant, when I am obviously pregnant and running away?

In the warm glow of a garden gathering, a shy 31-year-old woman, 25 weeks pregnant, steps into a whirlwind of unwanted attention. Dropping off cupcakes for her dad, she’s ambushed by her mother’s friends, their hands on her belly, bombarding her with questions. Her anxiety spikes, and in a flustered moment, she declares, “I’m not pregnant,” before waddling away in tears, overwhelmed by hormones and the invasion of her personal space.

This awkward encounter, born from a clash of her reserved nature and her mother’s extroverted circle, leaves her mother demanding an apology for the guests’ embarrassment. Yet, the woman’s panic speaks to a deeper need for boundaries during her pregnancy. Straight from Reddit’s vibrant discussions, this story captures the tension between personal comfort and social expectations, inviting us to explore the delicate dance of asserting oneself amidst family pressures.

‘AITA for telling my mums friends I wasn’t pregnant, when I am obviously pregnant and running away?’

My mum (64F) and I (31F) are close, but definitely have very different personalities. I see my parents maybe once or twice a week. We go out for lunch or something every month or so. The main difference between us is that I can be shy and anxious when I’m surrounded by lots of people or just people I don’t know.

My mum on the other hand is very loud and will tell her whole life story to someone she’s only just met. I’m hesitant to tell her any secrets as when she has a couple drinks in her, she tells everyone everything, secrets generally first. My husband (34M) and I got married during lockdown,

which was perfect as it meant LEGALLY we could only have 28 guests. I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant, with my first child, parents first grandchild. I get uncomfortable and anxious when people stare at me. I’ve made it clear to my family that I will tell people in my own time and I don’t want a big fuss.

No baby showers or surprises are wanted or needed. Obviously people that need to know, have already been told. My mum had a couple of friends over for drinks in her garden, I haven’t met 3 of them before, I’d only heard my mum talk about them.

I went over to drop off some homemade cupcakes that my dad had asked me to make. I only went out to the garden to tell her I had put them in the fridge for dad. The next thing I know, 2 of the women I haven’t met before have there hands on my belly, all asking questions at the same time.

I panicked and I just wanted to get away. I said loudly “I’m not pregnant” (not sure why I said that) turned around and waddled myself away as fast as I could. I didn’t shout, just spoke louder than the questions. I was crying by the time I got back in my car and they heard me crying as I left.

Pregnancy hormones are not my friend and I cry at the drop of a hat. My mum thinks I was an AH and that I should apologise to her guests. Apparently the 2 that touched my belly made excuses and left shortly after!

Pregnancy often invites unsolicited attention, and this woman’s garden ordeal highlights the emotional toll of breached boundaries. Overwhelmed by strangers touching her belly, her anxious denial of her pregnancy was a desperate bid for escape, not deceit. Her mother’s demand for an apology overlooks the violation of her personal space, prioritizing social niceties over her daughter’s comfort.

Dr. Deborah Gilman, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Unwanted physical contact, especially during pregnancy, can trigger significant distress, particularly for those with anxiety” (Psychology Today, 2024). The woman’s reaction, fueled by hormones and her shy nature, reflects a protective instinct, not rudeness. Her mother’s extroversion, while well-meaning, clashes with her need for privacy, amplifying the misunderstanding.

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This incident underscores broader issues of bodily autonomy. A 2023 study in the Journal of Women’s Health found 65% of pregnant women experience unwanted touching, often leading to stress or anxiety. The guests’ actions, though likely well-intentioned, ignored consent, a critical boundary during pregnancy when personal space feels sacred.

Dr. Gilman suggests practicing assertive phrases like, “Please don’t touch me, I’m uncomfortable.” For the woman, therapy or boundary-setting workshops, such as those offered by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, could build confidence in handling such situations. Her family could support her by reinforcing her right to privacy, ensuring future gatherings respect her needs. Open dialogue with her mother could mend the rift, fostering mutual understanding.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s community rallies behind the woman, condemning the guests’ uninvited belly touching as a clear violation of personal space. They view her panicked denial as a natural response to being overwhelmed, not an act warranting an apology. Many share stories of similar intrusions, emphasizing that pregnancy doesn’t make one’s body public property.

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WebbieVanderquack − NTA. I don't ever think it's okay for people to put their hands on your abdomen without your permission, and I find it weir that people do that. But I'm confused about why you lied, and why you're keeping your pregnancy a secret generally (except from 'people that need to know').

At 25 weeks it probably is fairly obvious, and it certainly will be before long. A better and more honest response would have been 'I'd rather you didn't touch me, it makes me uncomfortable.'

TheLoudCanadianGirl − NTA. You panicked.. that does not make you TA. Tbh I will never understand why people think it’s okay to just invite themselves to touch pregnant stomachs. Like seriously, what about pregnancy is an open invite for strangers to touch you?. Do not feel bad about this at all.

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MB1428 − NTA the audacity of some people to physically touch a pregnant woman’s belly without consent is astounding.

HoneyBlue13 − I don't think you're an AH, but I do think you don't know how to set proper boundaries for yourself. It can be hard to learn how to do that when you grow up with an overbearing parent who may not have allowed you to have boundaries (i.e., your mom tells your secrets whenever she has a drink and doesn't respect your privacy).

In the future, I do think it would be more effective to say things like 'Don't touch me, thank you.' And 'I'm not going to discuss this subject. Let's talk about something else.' You are also allowed to walk away any time you feel uncomfortable.

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But saying 'I'm not pregnant' when you very clearly are does not communicate to them what you need it to. They were probably left feeling a bit confused and uncertain of what just happened. They will likely not understand that this wasn't something you wanted to share

and you were not happy they were touching you without your permission. Clearer communication and boundary-setting can ensure that people understand your expectations and have the chance to respond appropriately to them.

cassidy1111111 − Nta. When people would touch my baby bump I’d rub their stomachs at the same time. You’d be amazed at the instant horrified reactions you’ll get. Particularly from overweight men.

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ScarletteMayWest − NTA. When I was pregnant with Kiddo#1, a coworker, who never spoke to me, kept trying to get her hands on my preggo belly. One day, while I was on my haunches to reach into the work fridge, she snuck up on my and went for my belly.

I brought both my arms down on hers and yelled, 'DO NOT TOUCH ME!!!!' She stumbled back, looking scared and left me alone for the rest of my pregnancy. She did not turn me in, which still surprises me.. Pregnant bellies are NOT community property.

Allimack − NAH except for the belly-touching which shouldn't have happened. If you are open to advice, I'd suggest you look into counseling or therapy to get your anxiety under control. You can do this, Mom!

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In order to be an advocate for your child and yourself, you have to learn to calmly and truthfully communicate your needs and feelings, rather than react anxiously in ways that are not consistent with who you want to be.

jiffyfly6 − NTA no petting! Unless you invited them to touch you they should've kept their entitled old lady mitts off you.

hey-demons-its-me-ya − NTA I’m so sorry but the image of you shouting “I’m not pregnant” and then pregnancy waddling away did make me laugh a tiny bit. I will **never** understand why people think it’s fine to just put their hands all over someone,

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let alone basically a stranger, just because they are pregnant. Don’t touch people without permission, it’s not hard.. What exactly would you even be apologizing for in this scenario?

Alternative-Major-44 − NTA - maybe work out what you're going to say/do next time someone tries to touch your belly, it might help you deal with it next time without getting so upset. take care.

Commenters urge her to prioritize her comfort, suggesting assertive responses for future encounters. They see her mother’s reaction as misguided, prioritizing guests over her daughter’s distress. The consensus is clear: no one should touch a pregnant woman without consent, and her reaction, while unconventional, was a valid cry for boundaries.

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This garden misadventure, both cringe-worthy and relatable, reveals the raw struggle of maintaining boundaries under pressure. The woman’s flustered escape from unwanted hands speaks to the universal need for personal space, especially during pregnancy. Her mother’s call for an apology misses the heart of the issue—respecting her daughter’s comfort. Have you faced moments where your boundaries were tested? Share your stories below—let’s unpack the art of standing firm in love and chaos.

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