AITA for telling my mother that she doesn’t look so skinny herself after she called my daughter fat and ignoring her attempts to help?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A family dinner turned into a verbal showdown when a grandmother’s cruel jab hit a teen’s sore spot. A 42-year-old mom, fiercely protective of her daughter’s fragile self-image, fired back at her own mother’s fat-shaming, sparking a rift that left phones blocked and feelings raw.

This isn’t just about a snarky comeback; it’s a stand for a girl’s worth. The story pulls us into a kitchen clash where love battles outdated judgments, making us wonder how we’d shield a kid from hurtful words.

‘AITA for telling my mother that she doesn’t look so skinny herself after she called my daughter fat and ignoring her attempts to help?’

I (42F) have a (15F) daughter named Mary. She’s been a bit curvier than other girls since she hit puberty at age 10. It’s been a huge source of stress for her and there’s been multiple incidents where she attempts some crazy diet (in 6th grade while at a sleepaway camp for music she didn’t eat for a week except for a few granola bars).

She’s at a point now where she’s a bit more accepting of her body and isn’t going to do anything reckless, but we have to be extra careful to not mention weight stuff around her because it makes her upset. I really want to emphasize that she doesn’t eat anything more than what other girls her age eat, and if anything she eats less.

She’s had doctors walk in the room and tell her that she’s “really big for her age” and girls at school saying similar. My daughter is at a loss of what to do, she exercises and eats healthy. Anyways, my mother pointed out at dinner 2 days ago that she was “tubby” and she suggested that I put her on a pill and sign her up for weight watchers or a similar program.

Ever since then she’s been texting me with “resources” and I got so mad at her refusal to stop that I told her that she should check out some of those resources because she wasn’t looking so skinny herself. She told me to f**k off and then she blocked me, and left me wondering if I’m the AH in this situation?

Experts in child psychology and family dynamics affirm that a child’s emotional well-being is intricately tied to how their appearance is discussed by adults in their life. Dr. Laura Markham, a developmental psychologist known for her work on childhood self-esteem, asserts, “When children internalize negative comments about their bodies, especially from trusted family members, it can have long-lasting impacts on their self-worth and even trigger disordered eating.”

Moreover, Dr. Markham advises that respectful communication and positive reinforcement are vital. When an adult, particularly a parent, defends a child against inappropriate remarks, it not only validates the child’s feelings but also sets boundaries on acceptable behavior within the family.

Additionally, nutritional and health experts emphasize that extreme dieting measures are rarely beneficial and can be harmful during crucial developmental stages. The focus should instead be on balance, body neutrality, and fostering an environment where healthy choices are encouraged without casting judgment.

In a society awash with unrealistic beauty standards, the duty of a parent is to protect their child from the toxic narratives that can arise—even from well-meaning relatives stuck in a different era. The OP’s response, though brisk, can be viewed as a necessary measure in safeguarding her daughter’s mental and physical health.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community has been overwhelmingly supportive of the OP’s stance. Numerous commenters point out that her mother’s suggestions were not only outdated but harmful, especially coming from a figure who should be setting a positive example. Many praise the OP for “calling out” her mother’s hypocrisy and for taking a stand against body-shaming—an issue that resonates deeply with those who have experienced similar pain.

A common refrain among supporters is that adults must respect the personal boundaries and emotional needs of younger family members. Some commenters suggested that the OP might benefit from having a calm, post-incident discussion with her mother once tempers have cooled. Yet, the prevailing sentiment is clear: protecting a child’s self-esteem should always take precedence over preserving a strained family peace.

Full-of-Bread − NTA. Mom can’t handle a taste of her own medicine apparently. As for your daughter, have thyroid and pituitary issues been ruled out? Excess weight can be caused by unbalanced hormones.. As long as she is healthy, it doesn’t matter how she looks.

Major_Barnacle_2212 − Normally I’d say something about not stooping to their level or whatever, but I actually think you may have made a necessary point here. It doesn’t feel very good when someone is pointing out your physical size and offering up “helpful suggestions” on how to change yourself to fit their standards.

Sounds like you told her to stop before it got to that point, so you escalated and did what you needed to do. It may be better to have a direct conversation about what kinds of conversations and comments are allowed around your daughter when you’re both calmer though. She’s from a different time and we know better now how harmful things like she was doing can be.. NTA.

Schezzi − YTA if your daughter's possible medical condition

Colleen987 − It’s was a NTA for me UNTIL the comments. OP refusing to take your child to the doctor if you suspect she has a condition that requires treatment because it doesn’t work for your “work schedule” is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen.. YTA.

irisheyes1997 − NTA. My weight went up when I hit puberty. I played 3 sports and counted calories but couldn’t lose the weight. My mom did the same as your mom. I would only be pretty if I lost weight. In grad school, I was on the edge of an ED while I was writing my thesis and working 2 jobs. Mom thought I was “looking better”.

Finally was diagnosed with hashimotos disease (autoimmune disease where my thyroid is attached. My thyroid literally looks like Swiss cheese). The gaining and losing were signs but no one saw it. Get her checked before damage is done. Please.

9and3of4 − YTA. She's had this problem for 5 years, and you might finally take her to get some blood drawn this summer because

By now she's even old enough to go see the GP on her own, and you still didn't schedule s**t. It's also your fault your mother is starting to chime in, who wouldn't if the mother of a child one loves does not take her for blood work for 1/3rd of her life.

ClassicTrue9276 − If your mother hasn't been close enough to know already what has happened, she is not close enough to offer advice.. NTA

CheckIntelligent7828 − I developed an eating disorder that was so bad I eventually sank my fingers through the back of my throat over comments like these.. Please continue to defend your daughter.. NTA

iwtv1994 − NTA at all. As a girl with a severe eating disorder, I wish my mom had stood up for me like this when I was a kid. I was never overweight, but it didn't stop mean comments from older women in my life about how my diet would eventually catch up to me.

A lot of it is internal jealousy and self-resentment, but it's actually f**king crazy for a grown grandmother to recommend her minor granddaughter for diet pills and such?!?! Good on you OP. But also, be aware that sometimes intentionally avoiding conversations around food or weight can become painfully obvious to your daughter.

Really, the best course of action is to speak to a nutritionist, or a doctor and have blood work done: there's a myriad of reasons for this. And if there's nothing, and it turns out she's just genetically disposed to carry more weight, she can *still* be extremely healthy.

One of my girl friends in college is quite severely overweight and is extremely healthy, a power lifter, and unlikely to experience major health issues anytime in the near future. She just happens to be naturally fat, and that isn't bad or ugly at all.

Body positivity, or glorifying obesity *isn't* the answer, but ignoring the conversation forever won't help either. Instead, work on body neutrality, focus on health overall, and make sure your daughter knows she's loved just as she is.

IHaveNoUsernameSorry − YTA for not ruling out that there’s nothing wrong with your daughter’s hormones because of your work schedule and causing her to not eat because of it. Take a day off work and get her checked out.

This dinner dust-up wasn’t about weight—it was about love. Mom’s fiery clapback guarded her daughter’s heart, showing that family means lifting up, not tearing down. As they heal, it’s a nudge to champion kids over critics. How do you fend off hurtful family remarks? Share your story—what’s your trick for keeping peace without losing ground?

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