AITA for telling my mom’s husband he needs therapy when he tried to guilt me into letting him walk me down the aisle?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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In the glow of wedding planning, a 25-year-old bride’s choice to have her mother walk her down the aisle stirred a family rift. Her mother’s husband, James, married for just three years, pressed to take the father-of-the-bride role, hoping to heal from losing his daughters decades ago. When she refused, he doubled down with guilt-tripping, calling her cold. Her sharp suggestion that he seek therapy for his grief lit a spark, leaving him offended and her mother scrambling to smooth things over.

This isn’t just a wedding dispute; it’s a raw clash of boundaries, grief, and family roles. With Reddit backing her stand, the bride’s left questioning if her words cut too deep. Step into this wedding drama and decide: was she harsh but fair, or did she overstep?

‘AITA for telling my mom’s husband he needs therapy when he tried to guilt me into letting him walk me down the aisle?’

My mom married her husband James three years ago. I (25f) was not living with my mom at the time nor were we in the same state. So I haven't really interacted with him a lot. I got engaged during lockdown last year. We are planning to get married when everything is safe again.

I asked my mom if she would walk with me. She said yes. Everything was good. Then James approached me about two months ago saying he would like to walk me down the aisle. That he knows he can't replace my dad but he loves me and my mom and would love to fill the father of the bride role so I can have someone in it.

I told him my mom was filling the parent of the bride role. And that made me happy. He pushed a little, told me it made more sense for him to do it. I said no. My mom told me he had just wanted to make the suggestion because he felt maybe I would prefer it. I didn't want to fight so I left it alone.

Then he came to me again. He talked about how he lost both his girls (his wife and daughters died almost twenty years ago) and how much it would mean for him to be accepted into that role and would give him the chance to do that with another daughter.

He told me even if I don't want it, would I do that for him, so he would have some healing and a chance to be in the role with someone. I said no again and he told me I must be very cold, to know what it's like to lose a father, to do that to someone who lost both his children and is reaching out and offering to do it for you.

I told him maybe he needs therapy if it's so hard and he's so caught up in the loss of them that he can't see me as my own person and as someone who would want my remaining parent walk with me and fill that role. He was offended I would make that suggestion.

My mom bent over apologizing after she heard what happened. I guess she hadn't known the whole thing from before. He's still I wanna say salty but he's still offended and thinks I overstepped.. Did I?. AITA? And before anyone asks, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, he is not contributing to anything.

Choosing who walks you down the aisle is deeply personal, and this Reddit user’s firm choice of her mother over her stepdad, James, reflects her emotional priorities. James’s repeated requests, despite her clear refusals, crossed into manipulation, using his tragic loss to pressure her. Her suggestion of therapy, while blunt, addressed his unresolved grief, which he projected onto her wedding. His offense at her words doesn’t negate his overreach, especially since they lack a close bond.

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Wedding roles often stir family tension. A 2023 survey by The Knot found that 45% of couples face disputes over parental roles, particularly in blended families. James’s focus on his healing rather than her wishes shows a lack of empathy, and her self-funded wedding reinforces her autonomy.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman advises, “Respecting individual boundaries in blended families builds trust”. The user’s response was protective, though a softer delivery might have eased tension. For readers, setting clear expectations early with stepfamily members prevents such conflicts.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit brought the bouquet to this wedding drama, tossing out fierce support with a sprinkle of shade for James’s tactics. Here’s what the community had to say about this aisle dispute:

Bubbly-Caterpillar35 - **NTA**. My dearest cousin JK lost both her parents when she was in her early 20s. When we heard the news that she was getting married, my parents RM & V had a long discussion with each other, and decided they would be graciously willing to play the roles normally reserved for parents (hosting the rehearsal dinner, giving speeches, walking the bride down the aisle.)

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So they called JK and she was simply speechless. Finally, after regaining her composure, she gently told them that they weren't even invited to the wedding.. ​. **Edit:**. Some people are asking for more info, so here goes.... Yes, the story is real, but I didn’t want to use real names, so I used bangtan initials.

My parents (Vmon) were always reserved and shied away from attention; they were never the type to host parties or give speeches. But when they heard that JK was getting married, they felt that she might be self-conscious about the absence of any parental figures on “her side of the family,” so they offered to play a parental role,

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only to realize that JK had never even intended to invite them to the wedding. We were close to JK growing up, but she moved very far away after her parents died, so we didn’t see her often and had never met her fiancé Jin. I can’t remember if I was invited to the wedding, but I didn’t go. If I had to guess, it was probably a small gathering with only those closest to Jinkook.

Chaij2606 - NTA, if you guys were really close and/ or he’s married to your mum for let’s say 10+ years, cool. but he overstepped here and instead of backing down he starts to guilt trip you.

Laramila - NTA, and honestly, he's weird for even having made the suggestion in the first place - he came into your life as an adult, was *never* a father figure to you, so walking you down the isle? NO.

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z3vil - NTA- if he still has problems about letting go of his wife and daughters, suggesting therapy isn’t a bad thing to do. He can mourn as long as he needs, but projecting onto you isn’t healthy.. He overstepped by trying to guilt you into letting him walk you down the aisle.

Bookish4269 - NTA. Your mom’s husband was really laying it on thick with you. What a manipulative thing to do. You and your wedding are not an opportunity for him to work through his grief, that’s just ridiculous. For him to say even if you don’t want it you should do it *for him* is overstepping on his part.

You don’t even really know this dude, there’s no family bond there, he has no basis to make such demands on you. You were right to put it back on him and suggest that therapy would be a more appropriate place for him to have some healing. It’s your wedding, and you want your mother to walk with you, no one gets to take that from you.

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Infamous-Wasabi-9007 - No is a two-letter word with a very clear meaning. Yet this entitled jerk your mother is married to fails to grasp that word’s meaning. Your wedding is your day. Not his big chance to “heal.” If he asks again, tell him he is not welcome at the wedding.. NTA

likeahike - NTA, you overstepped? He wants to use you to have HIS dream moment of walking someone, anyone down the isle. You as a person don't matter to him, he was never a parent to you and is essentially still a stranger. You were right to suggest therapy, it's a harsh truth perhaps, but he needed to hear it. He was very pushy and did not accept your no.

sequingoddess - NTA. That is a devastating loss and I can't even imagine losing your entire family like that. However, he 100% needs therapy. It's been 20 years and it sounds like he's trying to use you as a stand in. I'm glad your mom sounds like she's on your side and hopefully he doesn't bring it up or try to manipulate your mom onto his side.

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snootnoots - NTA. I asked my stepfather to walk me down the aisle because he’s an awesome person and took a fatherly role for most of my teenage years without being pushy about it. He earned his place as someone I consider family, not just some guy my mother married.

This guy barely knows you, you were well and truly out on your own before your mother married him, he’s never had a parental role towards you, and he wants to walk you down the aisle because it would make him happy? And he’s trying to guilt you into it because his daughters are dead?!

NOPE. Your wedding, your choice, your mother is your only remaining parent, go for it and don’t feel guilty, he DOES need therapy. It’s sad that he’s sad, but you are not a replacement doll for him to act out the role he wanted to play in his daughters’ weddings.

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Evening_Daisy - NTA. Sounds like he does need therapy and someone to remind him it's not about him.

These fiery takes cheer the bride’s boundary-setting, but do they miss the weight of James’s grief? Reddit’s clear: her wedding, her rules!

This wedding saga, tangled in a stepdad’s grief-driven plea, unveils the delicate dance of family roles and personal choice. The Reddit user’s refusal to let James walk her down the aisle, paired with her therapy suggestion, was a bold stand for her vision, but it left family ties strained. As she plans her big day, the question lingers: was her bluntness justified, or could she have softened the blow? What would you do when a stepparent pushes into your milestone moment? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

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