AITA for telling my mom to stop pretending she doesn’t have a favorite?

In a cozy suburban home, the air grows thick with tension as a 16-year-old girl watches her younger sister Ava sob, clutching a scratched cheek. The culprit? Her twin, Maya, who seems to hold their mother’s heart in a way Ava never could. The teen’s frustration bubbles over, leading to a bold confrontation that shakes the family. This tale of perceived favoritism tugs at the heartstrings, leaving readers wondering: how does a child cope when love feels unevenly distributed?

The story unfolds with raw emotion, as Ava’s tears and the teen’s courage highlight a universal struggle—feeling unseen in your own family. Readers can’t help but lean in, curious about the mother’s response and whether fairness can be restored. It’s a snapshot of a household teetering between care and neglect, where a young girl’s words spark a much-needed reckoning.

‘AITA for telling my mom to stop pretending she doesn’t have a favorite?’

My (f16) mom had my sisters Ava and Maya 4 years ago. Maya had birth defects and was in the NICU for almost 2 months and her life completely revolves Maya now. She barely pays any attention to me or Ava because “Maya’s so small and fragile” (she’s kinda small and has some speech delays but she’s mostly healthy now).

My dad and I do the majority of the care for Ava because my mom is so busy with Maya. It’s gotten to the point where Ava started calling me mama and she cries and asks why our mom doesn’t love her as much as Maya. Today Ava and Maya were fighting over a toy and Maya scratched Ava.

My mom yelled at Ava for not giving Maya the toy (Maya tried taking it out of Ava’s hand) and Ava started crying and ran to me. I calmed Ava down and let her play on my IPad while I went to talk to my mom and she said Ava was being mean to Maya (it’s the other way around 99% of the time plus Ava had scratch marks on her cheek).

I told her to stop pretending she doesn’t have a favorite and that Ava was crying because she got yelled at because Maya wanted her toy. She yelled at me for being disrespectful and ungrateful and tried to ground me (my dad ungrounded me when he found out what happened).

My dad says she shouldn’t have yelled at Ava but I should’ve been nicer and he wants me to apologize.. Was I the a**hole for telling my mom that she needs to stop pretending she doesn’t have a favorite?

This family’s drama cuts deep, revealing the delicate balance of parenting multiple children with differing needs. The teen’s confrontation with her mother exposes a classic case of perceived favoritism, where Maya’s medical history overshadows Ava’s emotional needs. According to Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, “When a child feels less loved, it’s not just perception—it’s their reality. Parents must actively counteract this by giving each child focused time” (source: Good Inside). Here, the mother’s focus on Maya risks alienating Ava, fostering resentment.

The mother’s defensive reaction—yelling and grounding the teen—suggests she’s overwhelmed, possibly grappling with guilt or fear from Maya’s early health struggles. Yet, this doesn’t excuse neglecting Ava, who’s left calling her sister “mama.” This dynamic points to a broader issue: parental burnout in families with special-needs children. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of parents with a medically complex child reported higher stress, often leading to uneven attention across siblings (source: APA Journals).

Dr. Kennedy’s advice emphasizes “connection over correction.” The mother could benefit from setting aside one-on-one time with Ava, perhaps a weekly “date” to rebuild trust. The teen, thrust into a parental role, deserves support too—maybe through family therapy to address this “parentification.” Open communication, guided by a professional, could help the mother see Ava’s pain without feeling attacked.

For now, the teen’s dad needs to step up, not just unground her but advocate for balance. Small steps, like family meetings to discuss feelings, could prevent long-term emotional scars. Ignoring this risks Ava and the teen feeling perpetually sidelined, a wound that could linger into adulthood.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their takes are as fiery as a family feud at Thanksgiving. Here’s what the community had to say about this tangled situation:

TriZARAtops − NTA your mom isn’t treating her children fairly and all you did was tell her the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. But it hurts more when a child feels like her own mother doesn’t love her

Candy2228 − Nta, but the real issue is that op is a 16 year old kid raising a child that your parents should be raising. I understand that one is sicker then the other but they both need a mother and so does op. What happens when op goes to college and moves out who will be the mother to ava if the actual mother only pays attention to the other kid?

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asmomma − Nta. I am 30 and it still hurts that my mom favors my sister so much more than me. I am 30 and I am not over the hurt feelings and pain of not feeling as liked or loved as my sister. You should be proud that you are able to confront your mother and stand up for your sister.

I am a mother and I pray that I will never let my daughters feel the way I felt and if I do, I hope they call me out on it so I can assuage their feelings and change my own behavior that made them feel that way. I’m sorry your mom was more offended at what you said than willing to make a change in her actions.

[Reddit User] − NTA Your mother blames the child who wasn't doing wrong and then yelled at you for protecting that child. She needs help, professional help, to learn how to properly care for all her children equally.

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Usrname52 − NTA And your dad should be the one dealing with this. He can see that you and he are the ones helping Ava with everything. And that Ava is hurt. He needs to have a serious sit down with your Mom and tell her how much she is hurting Ava. He's saying you should apologize because he doesn't want to deal with your mom, to the detriment of his kids.

Karyatids − NTA but I’m mostly mad at your dad for allowing this for so long. This is so unacceptable and such a terrible environment for children to grow up in. The only solution I see is him divorcing your terrible mother and raising you and Ava so she can have maya. It’s the healthiest solution. Your dad isn’t doing enough to protect you from your mother.

behindthetimes2021 − I'm gonna say you're NTA, though you may have to take a different approach if you really want to get through to your mom. Have you told her the stuff about Ava calling you mom, and asking you why your mother loves her less than Maya?

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daniel_sg1 − A 4 year old is calling you, her 16 year old sister, “mama?” Seems like you’ve had your childhood stolen from you. It’s neglectful and abusive to make your child raise their siblings. When you get older you’re gonna need to find a therapist who can help you work through all the maladaptive behaviors you’ve learned. Google “parentification” and read up on it, and hopefully you’ll be able to save yourself a lifetime of headache by getting help early. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.. NTA.

IsThatMarcy − NTA My niece was born with a problem with her neck and required surgery very young. It was frightening for the whole family, and of course they treated her as the Golden Child for a while, even when her little sister was born a few years later.

I think it comes from the fear of losing a child, that they get coddled to the extreme. For a while its even justified, I guess, I don't know as I'm not a parent. However, when they're out of the woods medically and start growing up...they become spoiled brats that nobody likes.

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Happened with my niece, she couldn't figure out why none of her cousins or her sister ~~dis~~liked her despite acting entitled, rude, insulting, selfish...you get the gist. Your dad needs to step in here and nip it in the bud. It's not good for you or Ava, and its not good for Maya either.

asdrfgbn − NTA. 'You have 3 kids, not one.'. Just say it calmly any time she does this behavior.

These hot takes from Reddit show a mix of empathy and outrage, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just fanning the flames of family drama?

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This story leaves us pondering the delicate dance of parenting—how do you balance love when one child’s needs seem louder? The teen’s bravery in speaking up shines a light on Ava’s pain, but the mother’s defensiveness shows change won’t come easy. Families are messy, and this one’s no exception. What would you do if you were in this teen’s shoes, caught between loyalty to a sibling and a mother’s denial? Share your thoughts—have you ever felt unseen in your own family?

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