AITA for telling my mom that she’s not in the will so it’s none of her business?

The rolling fields of a 250-acre farm stood quiet, a legacy left by a grandmother to her two granddaughters, along with savings and lucrative mineral rights. But as the sisters sorted through her belongings, their mother’s probing questions cast a shadow over their inheritance. Excluded from the will, she pressed for details, her curiosity veering into demands to see the document itself. Years of borrowing from her mother fueled the sisters’ wariness, suspecting she sought a new financial lifeline.

When her relentless inquiries peaked, one sister snapped, bluntly stating that without inclusion in the will, it was none of her mother’s business. Guilt followed, softened by her sister’s support, but Reddit’s debate raged on. This tale of inheritance and strained ties asks: when does protecting your legacy cross into harshness?

‘AITA for telling my mom that she’s not in the will so it’s none of her business?’

My grandmother died last year. My sister and I learned that she had left everything to us. This included her 250 acre farm, the money she had saved up (wasn’t life changing, but still a good bit) and gas/oil mineral rights which she was getting paid extremely well for.

This all comes in to play eventually. My mom and her didn’t have the best relationship. They fought a lot. Mostly because my mom didn’t like how she did things. She also borrowed money from her a lot. It was always a substantial amount.

When she died, we were at the farm for weekends on end. Cleaning it out, going through things, etc. Anytime we came across something my mom would look at my sister and I and would say “I assume this place is yours now it’s up to you what you do with it.” This was before the lawyer reached out about the will.

Once she learned we met with the lawyer about the will, she had asked us for a copy. Just to clarify, there was nothing left for her. No money, land, nothing. All the sudden, she became interested in how the will was set up.  My sister and I know how she is, we said no. We knew she asked our grandma for money all of the time.

We assumed she was afraid we wouldn’t help her out like our grandma did. Every month she’d text me asking if I got my mineral rights check (she knew they were good from helping my grandma understand them). I always shied away from answering.

I don’t like talking about the money because I don’t want treated any differently. She’d ask if the estate was settled. How much money we we’re getting. All that stuff. After asking multiple times she finally broke down and told us that she needed to see how the will was set up so she could see why she wasn’t in it.

I finally had enough and told her if she was in the will, she would have been notified and she wasn’t, and it’s none of her business.. I feel bad for saying that to her, but my sister said it was the right thing to do.. AITA?

The woman’s sharp response to her mother was a boundary drawn from years of observing her financial dependency on their grandmother. Excluding her from the will was the grandmother’s choice, likely reflecting their strained relationship and past loans. The mother’s insistence on seeing the will suggests either emotional hurt or a strategic probe, possibly to contest it, which the sisters rightly guarded against by refusing access.

Estate attorney Susan L. Gold notes, “Heirs have no obligation to share will details with non-beneficiaries, especially if motives seem questionable”. The mother’s history of borrowing and her focus on mineral rights checks raise red flags about her intent to seek financial support from her daughters. In many states, wills become public during probate, per a 2023 Nolo report, so her persistence may hint at plans to challenge the estate.

ADVERTISEMENT

Inheritance disputes strain 15% of families, per a 2024 WealthCounsel study. The sisters’ discretion protects their assets, but the blunt delivery risks deepening the rift. Gold advises consulting a probate attorney to ensure the will’s ironclad and to prepare for potential contests. A calmer explanation of their privacy needs might ease tension without compromising their stance, inviting readers to consider balancing firmness with family ties.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit overwhelmingly backed the sisters, calling the mother’s probing intrusive and likely motivated by financial need. Commenters saw her exclusion from the will as deliberate, reflecting the grandmother’s judgment, and praised the blunt response as necessary to set boundaries. Many warned she might contest the will, urging legal protection.

Algebralovr − NTA. You handled it exactly right. If your mother had been in the will, the lawyer would have told her. I‘m guessing she needs extra cash to make her bills, and your mother got used to your grandma bailing her out.

ADVERTISEMENT

jefewithlameusername − Your Mom is likely probing to see if she can continue asking for financial help. Your finances are none of her business.

rainyreminder − NTA. However, you should talk to a probate attorney and make sure there's no way for her to contest the terms of the will. Depending on state and how the will is written, she might be fishing for a way to contest the will and try to get some or all of your grandmother's estate.

An attorney who specializes in wills will be able to help you understand whether you need to worry.. (And go to an actual local attorney, don't ask on reddit.) ETA: if a will goes through probate, I think it becomes public record, so it's possible she will be able to find the will anyway, but don't borrow trouble and don't tell your mother this.

ADVERTISEMENT

BazTheBaptist − It's kind of blunt but NTA. be aware that she may contest it though.

HarlesBronson − Nta.. She wants to know so she can start guilting you for hand outs.

Inevitable_Speed_710 − NTA. She mooched off her mom for years and is now looking to do the same with you. Grandma left her out for a reason and it likely was a good one. Don't let her guilt you into giving her anything. If you decide to give her anything let it be out of the kindness of your heart and not because she pressured you into it.

ADVERTISEMENT

whatwhatinthebutt011 − NTA. There’s absolutely no reason for her to need to see it. Nothing good would come from showing her.

MannyMoSTL − Too bad your grandmother’s lawyer didn’t advise her to add a caveat explaining that your mother had already received her inheritance in the form of substantial payouts totaling XXX in her (grandmother’s) lifetime. Something like that could help if mother decides to contest will.. NTA

AbbyFB6969 − NTA. It sounds like your mom is fishing for a way to challenge the will. Do not cater to her, she knows she was not in the will.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. I suspect she was trying to decide how to challenge the will.

Some noted her emotional reaction could stem from hurt, but her history of mooching overshadowed sympathy. Reddit’s consensus? The sisters aren’t wrong to guard their inheritance, and the mother’s entitlement justifies their stance.

This inheritance saga reveals the thorns of family ties when money’s at stake. The sisters’ stand to protect their grandmother’s legacy clashed with their mother’s demands, leaving guilt and tension. How do you shield your inheritance while navigating family expectations? Share your thoughts below.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *