AITA for telling my mom that I don’t think she should have another baby because she wasn’t a good mom to me?

A quiet dinner table, a mother’s hopeful gaze, and a daughter’s heart heavy with unspoken truths—this is where our story begins. When a young woman’s mother asked her thoughts on welcoming a new sibling, the air grew thick with tension. The daughter, now an adult, faced a choice: sugarcoat her feelings or lay bare the scars of a childhood marked by absence. Her honest answer sparked a firestorm, leaving her wondering if she crossed a line.

This tale of family, honesty, and lingering wounds pulls readers into a deeply personal dilemma. The daughter’s courage to speak her truth, despite the risk of hurting her mother, resonates with anyone who’s navigated tricky family ties. Her story, shared on Reddit, invites us to explore the weight of past neglect and the ripple effects of speaking up.

‘AITA for telling my mom that I don’t think she should have another baby because she wasn’t a good mom to me?’

My parents split last year. My mom is now dating a new guy and she's hinted for a while that they might have a baby together. Last week she told me that they were thinking of starting to try soon and asked me how I felt about it.

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She asked it in a way that made me feel like she was looking for a response like 'oh that's great you should definitely have a baby.' I couldn't think of a good way to express how I felt without hurting her feelings so I said I wasn't sure. I didn't expect her to ask me again, but yesterday she asked me the same question.

I had a chance to think about it more since she asked the first time, and I decided to give her my honest answer since she asked what I thought. I told her that I thought it was a bad idea because she wasn't a good mother to me growing up and I was concerned about the baby having to deal with the same things I did.

I don't hate my mom or dislike her. We get along okay now, but I don't think she is a good mother. She is more like a casual friend. When I was little she basically did nothing with me. She always let my dad play with me and take care of me. He did almost everything for me.

I can only remember a few times where we did anything together as mother-daughter. I was little but even at that age I could sense that she didn't really care about me and wasn't interested in my life. I would always beg her to come to my school events, and she would promise that she would, but she never did.

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I think she may have attended two out of dozens and dozens I had. She'd apologize and then promise to do better next time but never did. Eventually I stopped inviting her to things because I knew she wouldn't come. Then when I was nine she left my dad and me and moved in with another guy for a few months before coming back.

Nothing really changed after she came back. I still wasn't a priority, but as I got older it was easier to accept and it didn't bother me as much. I knew by that point she wasn't reliable so I stopped expecting anything from her. Things did get a little better once I got more independent and I didn't need her to take care of me.

She was okay to be around as a friend since I could take care of myself. I just think she didn't have much interest in raising a child. It was a weird situation because it was like I was raised by a single father even though my parents were married and my mother lived with us.

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My answer was not what she wanted to hear so she got mad and accused me of trying to sabotage her life. She thinks I am an a**hole for telling her my opinion instead of confirming that I thought it was a good idea. 

At this point I honestly don't care what she does because it won't affect me, but I worry about my sibling and them having to survive the same. I don't know if her boyfriend would care, but I have thought of telling him the same so that he knows if he has a baby with her he is probably going to end up being a single father.

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This family drama cuts deep, exposing the delicate balance between honesty and harmony. The daughter’s blunt response to her mother’s question about having another child reflects a broader issue: how past parenting shapes future family dynamics. Her hesitation stems from a childhood where her mother was more a distant friend than a nurturing figure, a pattern that raises valid concerns about a potential sibling’s upbringing.

Family dynamics often hinge on trust, and the daughter’s experience suggests a breach that’s hard to mend. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, “Emotional availability is the cornerstone of healthy parent-child relationships” . The mother’s absence during the daughter’s childhood—missing school events and prioritizing personal pursuits—left scars that fuel her current stance. This isn’t just about one conversation; it’s about years of unmet needs.

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The mother’s defensive reaction, accusing her daughter of sabotage, highlights a common deflection tactic. Psychology Today notes that such responses often mask guilt or insecurity .

For resolution, open communication is key. The daughter could invite her mother to discuss specific improvements, perhaps with a therapist’s guidance. Dr. Gottman suggests “turning toward” loved ones with curiosity rather than judgment, which could help rebuild trust. While the daughter’s instinct to warn the boyfriend is understandable, focusing on direct dialogue with her mother is wiser to avoid escalating conflict.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

punk_and_bi − NTA. Don’t ask for an opinion if you can’t accept the answer. Sounds like you’re right and she doesn’t need to be having any more kids.

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PrincessAri_K − I definitely don’t think you’re the a**hole! It takes a lot of courage to be able to do that kind of thing and it’s technically super responsible on your part bc you’re looking out for just the IDEA of a child.. I’d tell my mom the same thing. Only we know how they fucked us up.

airbear9801 − NTA - she asked, you answered honestly. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know the answer. And I’m pretty sure she must have hurt herself with that reach - “Sabotaging” her life? Really? She’s a grown woman and doesn’t have to listen to you. Your opinion, although most likely correct, ultimately has no bearing on what she does or doesn’t do.

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Masat_gt − NTA, you were honest and I think talking to her bf about your opinion would be a good idea.. Babies are not toys or plushies, you can't get them cause they look cute and then just abandon them.

[Reddit User] − NTA, you're nicer than I would have been. Sounds like your Dad is a good guy, I'd like to hear his opinion on this. Also don't ever let her make feel like you're sabotaging her life, if you were doing that you would sit down with her boyfriend and tell him all the reasons he shouldn't have a kid with this woman.

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scaftywit − Tell her boyfriend.. NTA.

REAL_DoritosMAN − NTA. 1. She shouldn’t ask for an opinion if she can’t handle it. 2. The truth hurts and she should know that. Also wouldn’t you be a bigger a**hole if you just lied and said its a good idea?. Also ****TELL HER BF****

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notAgirl77 − NTA. You are *exactly* the person to tell her if she’s a good parent or not.

Sweeper1985 − NTA. She probably shouldn't have asked if she didn't want an honest answer.  But I don't agree with these comments stating you should go over her head and talk to her boyfriend. I don't think that's your place, and it would probably give her ammunition for the impression that you'd be trying to sabotage her.

You're quite entitled to your viewpoint as to your own upbringing of course - but also bear in mind, please, that there might have been some reasons that your mother couldn't/wouldn't/didn't step up as well as she could have. E.g. it sounds like she was very young and probably going through some ...

life stuff. You acknowledge things are gradually improving and it sounds like your mum is at least trying. Hopefully if she does have another child, she'll learn from the mistakes of the past and do better by them than she did by you.

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oranges214 − You 'sabotaging' her life = now she knows how you feel and realizes that you might not be an enthusiastic, always-there babysitter (to raise her baby for her), so she does the thing narcissists do and DARVOs you. NTA by far.

These Redditors rallied behind the daughter’s honesty, with some urging her to warn the boyfriend and others praising her restraint. But do their cheers capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the family fire?

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This daughter’s story is a raw reminder that family ties can be as fragile as they are fierce. Her courage to speak up, despite the fallout, sparks a bigger question about balancing truth with tact. Readers, what would you do if you faced a similar family crossroads? Share your thoughts and experiences—how would you navigate a parent’s past mistakes while protecting a potential sibling?

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