AITA for telling my mom that her marrying her husband didn’t change how I felt about his son?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a blended family, five years in the making, where a mom and her husband pour time and cash into crafting picture-perfect memories—vacations, game nights, the works. At the heart is a 16-year-old, cherishing solo moments with Mom but dreading time with her stepbrother, a kid they’ve known since kindergarten and never clicked with. He’s no bully, but his knack for mocking mishaps and tossing slurs grates, unchanged from age 6 to now.

Tensions peak as Halloween nears, with Mom nudging the teen to invite this stepbrother along, hoping a kinder crowd flips his script. But a blunt “your marriage didn’t make me like him” drops, and now disappointment hangs heavy. Was this teen too harsh, or just guarding their space? Buckle up for this tangled family tale, sprinkled with heart and a sly grin!

‘AITA for telling my mom that her marrying her husband didn’t change how I felt about his son?’

My mom got married 5 years ago. I was 11. I knew her husband for years before she married him because his son and I have been in school together since kindergarten. I don't like his son. Never did. As far as I know he's not like an instigator kind of bully but he is the kind of person who finds it funny when something embarrassing happens to a kid, he's the kind of person who will bring it up again and again,

he's also the kind of person who uses slurs. Even now at 16 he's not all that different from when he was 6. My mom and her husband over the years have tried to make the four of us a family. They have spent a lot of money and time trying to create these bonding moments and memories to look back on fondly but my favorite part of all those moments was spending time with my mom, not her husband's son.

I still wouldn't call him family or my sibling. I wouldn't call him a friend either. Ever since April his friends and him have seen each other way less, because his dad and some of his friends parents are clamping down on the friendships hoping they will end up being better people and less influenced to go with the crowd.

My mom and her husband have tried to encourage us to spend more time together.  I have been asked to include him with my friends. He's been encouraged to apologize to people and try to make other friends. He's done none of that. I have been pretty clear with my mom that my friends and I are not interested in including someone like him.

My friends and I have Halloween plans and my mom was looking for me to include him, because he has none, and he was trying to meet up with his friends secretly. I told my mom there was no way I would let him ruin mine and my friends plans. She told me it would be a big thing for him to have someone like me to introduce him to a different crowd, a kinder crowd.

She talked about us being family, being brothers. I told her that just because she married his dad, didn't mean I started to care about him or like him, I told her it only made us family in the sense that we lived together, but we would never be family like she wanted.

She told me she was disappointed in me for not giving him a chance. She said if I would just try I could be really surprised. That family is important. Caring about people too. Apparently her husband has had the same conversation with his son many times. She didn't with me for so long because she hoped I would soften with time and open myself up to trying at some point.. AITA?

This blended family saga packs a punch! A 16-year-old, firm in their dislike for a stepbrother since kindergarten, rebuffed Mom’s plea to include him in Halloween plans, saying her marriage didn’t spark care or kinship. Mom’s pushing unity, banking on time and a new crowd to reform him, but the teen sees no change—no apologies, no shift. A classic tug-of-war: family hopes versus personal limits, with a whiff of frustration.

Blended families face real hurdles—about 40% of U.S. marriages form stepfamilies, per the Stepfamily Foundation, and bonding isn’t instant (source). Mom’s heart’s in the right place, craving connection, but the stepbrother’s unchanged ways—mocking, slurs—fuel the teen’s stance. Forcing ties risks resentment, not rapport.

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Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow says, “Step-relationships grow at their own pace—pushing kids to bond often backfires,” in a 2018 Psychology Today piece (source). Her wisdom fits here: the teen’s not a fixer for stepbrother’s flaws. A cheeky nod—parents can’t script sibling love!

Parents, focus on one-on-one time, model kindness, and let ties form naturally. Teens, set clear boundaries—say, “I’m not comfy including him yet.” Chat openly, no guilt trips.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit gang—bold, real, and a tad sassy! When a teen pushed back on Mom’s stepbrother plea, Redditors cheered, eyeing responsibility and respect. Dive into their vibe:

Drplaguebites − NTA- maybe your mum should start caring about you and your feelings and not expect you to parent your brother and find him new friends or be responsible for his behaviour

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crockofpot − NTA. The person your mom should be talking to is her husband. It was his job to raise his child, not yours. It seems he's making some effort now (and I don't know what the situation with your stepbro's biomom is like and if that has an impact) so maybe he did his best. But at the end of the day it's still not your job to raise his child, and it's inappropriate of your mom to put that burden on you.

PsychologyAutomatic3 − NTA. Your stepbrother hasn’t put in any work to be a better person. Bringing him into your friend group without him making any changes will negatively affect your friend group. His father should have corrected his behavior when he was much younger. That burden cannot now be placed on you.

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Drayle171 − NTA. Its not your responsibility to fix his s**tty attitude. Also even more importantly actions speak louder than words maybe if he had at any time showed you something to show he had changed you might have been inclined to consider letting him join but he seemingly hasn't and all he is doing planning to secretly meet up with those friends that are also as s**tty as he is. His action show he hasn't changed into someone you want to be friends with.

Beck2010 − Tell your mom that while you understand where she’s coming from, step bro’s behavior has been consistently poor since the age of 6. Tell her it is not your responsibility to include him.. NTA. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. You are not your (step) brother’s keeper. Ask her this: if you were to include him and he behaved in such a way to cause YOU to lose friends, what would she do?

sandystarlim − NTA, your step brother is s**tty and they are trying to put responsibility on you that's his parents problem.

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DBgirl83 − NTA, your mother cannot oblige you to like someone.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Either your mom hasn’t spent enough time trying to bond with your stepbrother herself if she thinks he possesses these hidden depths he’s never shown and doesn’t appear to have any interest in showing you,

or she’s able to bring something out in him you’re not and should take advantage of that if she’s worried about him being lonely or getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. Regardless, this one big happy family she’s pushing only works if all of you are on board, and neither you nor he are, so she needs to drop it.

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[Reddit User] − Nta. You have given him chances. 10+ years of chances and he has shown you over and over again what type of guy he is. If they had asked when you were 7, different story. But he's 16. Not to say it's too late, but, the time to intervene was a long time ago. Hanging with your friends isn't magically going to help him. If he were nice and just sorta annoying I'd have a different take. But mean, not making amends, not changing his ways, not trying... Nta

spectre893 − Sad state of affairs all around imo but ultimately, fixing your stepbro isn't your responsibility.. ​. NTA.

These are Reddit’s spicy thoughts, but do they land? Maybe the win’s in owning your line—family’s big, but so’s your peace, with a wink at Mom’s hopeful hustle!

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This family yarn spun from hopeful bonding to a teen’s firm stand, landing with a blunt truth that Mom’s marriage didn’t forge a brotherly bond. Our 16-year-old held fast, prioritizing friends and comfort over a stepbrother’s unchanged ways, leaving Mom disappointed but the issue clear. It’s a quirky lesson: family blends best with patience, not pressure, and a dash of respect for all.

What would you do if Mom pushed a step-sibling into your plans? Invite them or draw the line? Share your thoughts, tales, and tips below—let’s untangle this blended family knot together!

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