AITA for telling my mom she was never a single mom?

In a small apartment where a young mom juggles bills and a toddler, a simple request for a $200 loan turned into a family firestorm. A 24-year-old single mother, raising her 2-year-old alone, faced her mom’s judgment for needing help, only to hear her claim she, too, was a “single mom” while married to a supportive husband who traveled for work. Picture the sting: a daughter’s struggle dismissed by a comparison that didn’t add up, leading to a sharp retort that left feelings bruised.

The mom’s anger and the dad’s plea for peace highlight a clash of perspectives on parenting and responsibility. This Reddit saga dives into the raw tension of financial strain, family support, and the weight of words. Was the daughter wrong to challenge her mom’s claim, or was the comparison a slap in the face?

‘AITA for telling my mom she was never a single mom?’

So I’m 24f and I have a 2 year old. My baby’s dad is not in the picture. My mom and dad both support me but I live alone and am solely financially responsible for me and my daughter. I’m a single mom.

When I was growing up my dad worked a lot and was always away on buisness trips, probably 2 weeks out of every month he was away. So my mom pretty much raised me and my sister alone. But he was home for half the month and he financially supported her.

With the pandemic I’ve been struggling so I asked my mom if she could loan me some money, not a lot like $200. She said that she would but that I need to learn more responsiblity as a mother and that she was a single mom my whole life and never asked my grandma for money.

This pissed me off because she never HAD to ask my grandma for money since both she and my dad were working once me and my sister were old enough to be in school. I told her that I love her and I’m grateful for her support and how well she raised us but my dad being away for 2 weeks a month is not the same as actually being a single mother.

She got really mad and told me I was being disrespectful and my dad called me and said that she didn’t mean it like that but just that they wish I was more responsible. AITA for talking to my mom that way? Or was I purposefully misinterpreting her comment about how she raised us singlehandedly?

ETA#2 since this post is still gaining some traction. Me and my dad talked today and my non apologized to me for what she said. I talked to them about my career plan and we are all good now! She understood why I was hurt by her comment and I understood her point of view too.

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Thanks so much again for all the support it really helped and I’m glad I was able to talk to my family without it being a huge issue! ETA- thank you so much for all the support wow. I feel bad painting my parents in a negative light because they have been amazing I guess I should clarify 2 things.

1) when they asked me to be more responsible it’s because I dropped out of college to raise my kid. I also am unable to work right now because of the pandemic so I’m on unemployment (thank god). I don’t ask them for money often, I think In the two years I’ve had my daughter I’ve asked for a totally of $1,000?  And I’ve paid $700 back.

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The $100 was given to me and the $200 I intend to pay back. So I get where they are coming from but I am not constantly asking them for money but they wish I was able to go back to college so I can get a “real people” job. I was working as an apprentice at a hair salon and I have that job lined up for me when things are open again.

I’m grateful my mom was able to help me by watching my kid some days when I went to work but I know that she still sees being a hair stylist as a not real adult job. It’s a difficult situation and I’m just being as transparent as I can so people can give me the best judgment.

2) why no child support? It’s a complicated situation. The short version is my baby’s father no longer lives in the same country as us and I don’t know how it’s possible to sue for child support from another country when I don’t have his address.

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I also would rather not have any contact with him. Maybe that makes me irresponsible but like I said it’s more complicated than that, this is just the short version.. Long time lurker, first time poster.

A mother’s offhand comment can cut deeper than intended, especially when it mislabels someone’s struggle. The 24-year-old’s frustration at her mom’s “single mom” claim—while married to a financially supportive partner—stems from the stark contrast to her own reality: raising a child alone without a co-parent’s income or presence. Her mom’s criticism, tied to a call for “responsibility,” dismissed the daughter’s pandemic-driven challenges, like unemployment and a paused career.

Family misunderstandings often hinge on differing definitions. A 2023 Journal of Family Psychology study found 70% of parent-child conflicts arise from mismatched expectations around support. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family therapist, notes, “Validating each other’s experiences, even when perspectives differ, prevents escalation”. The daughter’s transparency about her struggles and her mom’s eventual apology show a path forward. Open dialogue about financial pressures and career goals could strengthen their bond.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew rallied with fiery support, slamming the mom’s claim while empathizing with the daughter’s grind. From snarky jabs at the irony to nods to “solo parenting,” here’s what they said:

4614065 - NTA. A single mum means literally that. Someone who is single and is the sole carer of the child, including financially. A lot of people think it means the other parent just isn’t in a loving relationship with them. It’s really dumb.

Grrrrtttt - NTA. Having a husband that travels for work is not the same as being a single parent with sole custody and no financial support from the sperm donor. It just isn’t. My husband travels for work a lot, and while it gives me some appreciation of what my single parent sister goes through, it isn’t even in the same ball park.

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If she was just trying to empathise/connect with you I would have said you could maybe have been a bit less harsh. But she wasn’t, she was having a go at you for having trouble making ends meet.

holyylemons - NTA. She tried to lecture you by claiming that she was been in the same situation and handled it better. But she was about as much of a “single mom” as women who claim to be “hunting widows” during duck season are actually widows. It’s callous and demeaning to your situation and struggles.

Illustrious-Band-537 - NTA. That's incredibly insulting to your dad.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. You are a single mom, working and raising a child. Your mom wasn't a single mom she was married to a husband and there was two incomes not just one. Your parents sound like dicks.

emeraldpeach - NTA. What a despicable thing to say to say. My parents aren’t together and my mom didn’t even refer to herself as a single mom. She used to say “if your children’s father is physically/emotionally/financially available to them, you are not a single mom, you are a single woman”

And your mother wasn’t even a single woman. Arguably she parented alone half the time. But she literally was and still is married to your father and clearly had his support. She has no right to be shaming you for asking for help when you aren’t getting any help from your child’s father.

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Lively_Sally - NTA- I'm sorry but is really really disrespectful to disregard your fathers contribution to the family and also really ignorant to actually think she made it alone.

snow_whiteish - NTA. Your mother was disrespectful towards you! With a pandemic on people all over the world are struggling, even the most financially responsible people are having a very difficult time with family deaths and job losses. She sounds awful.

[Reddit User] - NTA. There's a term I heard recently which would describe what your mum did: solo parenting. It's for situations like hers when the other parent goes away sometimes for work but is generally supportive (emotionally, financially etc). So the parent at home isn't a *single* parent, they're just a *solo* parent for now.

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I've had quite a few stints as a solo parent, either a few days straight up to 2-3 weeks, and there is no bloody way it's the same as being a single parent day in, day out. It has its own challenges, absolutely, but you're right, your mum's situation is nothing like yours and she could have cut you some damn slack and been a little more gracious.

tailofthecrackfox - NTA. I love how she calls herself a single mother... and gets your Dad to defend her! 😂😂

These Reddit takes hit like a well-aimed jab, but do they miss the mom’s side? Or is the daughter’s clapback the real mic drop?

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This family feud over a loan and a label reveals the raw edges of support and misunderstanding. The daughter’s challenge to her mom’s “single mom” claim was a stand for her reality, but it stirred hurt on both sides. Their eventual reconciliation shows hope, but was she wrong to snap? Share your thoughts—have you ever clashed with family over misjudged struggles? How would you mend this mother-daughter rift?

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