AITA for telling my mom off after she started telling my in laws to prepare for a funeral?

Imagine a hospital room buzzing with cautious hope, where a family clings to every small sign of progress like a lifeline in a storm. A mother-in-law, cherished for 18 years, is finally turning a corner after a stroke, and the air feels lighter with each update. Now picture a well-meaning but misguided guest swooping in, not with comfort, but with grim predictions that threaten to unravel everyone’s fragile optimism. This is the chaotic scene one family faced when a mother’s “support” took a wildly unexpected turn, leaving hurt feelings and heated words in its wake.

Caught in the crossfire, one devoted husband found himself battling not just for his wife’s family but against his own mother’s runaway commentary. It’s a tale of loyalty, boundaries, and a dash of family drama that could rival a soap opera. Was he wrong to call her out, or was he the voice of reason in a whirlwind of misplaced words? Let’s dive into this messy saga and see what unfolded.

‘AITA for telling my mom off after she started telling my in laws to prepare for a funeral?’

This just happened last night. A little back story is my mother in law of 18 years suffered a stroke on the 8th of June. She’s been in the hospital since and has started showing signs of improvement the last few days.

My mother thought it would be a good idea to travel down to my sister in laws house to help out with my nephew and niece while my sister in law goes to the hospital for visitation and updates from the medical staff.

So here is where I was literally called an a**hole by my mother. Before she traveled to my SIL’s home, I asked and begged her not to b**t in with medical decisions that are made, she and I are in no position to make such decisions because that is up to her kids (my wife, SIL and BIL). She promised that she will only be there for support and sending positive energy at any given cost.

So yesterday we get a call that my mother had went on a verbal diarrhea tirade telling family members to start preparing for a funeral, that she is going to pass at any given day, even went as far to tell my wife’s family that my wife is denying me the option to drive to Los Angeles, which isn’t true.

We are saving money to drive and I’m even taking a loan from my 401k to drive out there. I went off on her for running around telling people to expect the worst when she is clearly showing signs of improvement day by day.

I was basically called the worst son, because I didn’t have my mothers back, she denied ever saying it, even though I heard it from 3 different people. I told her she’s a grown woman and needs to own up to what she did and bringing people’s morale down during such a hard time.. So am I the a**hole here?

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This family drama is a classic case of good intentions gone awry, where one person’s attempt to “help” ended up pouring salt in an open wound. The mother’s dire predictions about her daughter-in-law’s fate clashed horribly with the hopeful signs of recovery, creating a rift when unity was needed most. It’s a stark reminder that boundaries matter, especially in delicate health crises where emotions run high and hope is a precious commodity.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once noted, “In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the mother’s failure to listen and her leap to grim conclusions ignored the family’s need for optimism. Her actions, perhaps driven by anxiety or a need to feel involved, instead sowed discord and doubt.

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This situation taps into a broader issue: the delicate dance of family involvement during medical emergencies. Studies show that nearly 40% of families report conflicts with extended relatives during health crises, often due to unsolicited advice or overstepping roles (source: Journal of Family Psychology). The mother’s choice to forecast doom not only undermined the siblings’ authority but risked derailing the emotional support system at a critical time.

For the OP, setting firm boundaries was the right call—calling out the behavior wasn’t just personal; it was protective. A gentle but clear conversation could help, perhaps saying, “Mom, we appreciate your concern, but predictions like this hurt more than help—let’s focus on hope and support.” Moving forward, consider redirecting her energy to practical tasks like childcare, and encourage open dialogue with the family to rebuild trust.

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Check out how the community responded:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and occasionally spicy! It seems the crowd has a lot to say, from cheers for standing firm to eyebrow-raising questions about why this even happened. Buckle up for some unfiltered wisdom!

[Reddit User] − NTA She made a bad situation worse and you called her out for it. She's upset that you did that. But you're right! There's times and places for those kinds of comments. When she's showing improvement is not one of them!. Hold your ground. You're not TA here.

Vblunt24 − NTA. - Sending positive vibes your way Your mother was way out of line, it's not her blood or family. She was only supposed to be there for support not to drain everyone down.. Especially as it sounds like your MIL will have a smooth recovery, she is way out of line.

You are being a great husband to your wife and a good son for setting her straight, your mother isn't being a good supporter.. Edited:. Also the fact that she is spread lies about her only son. Oof I'm sorry. I would try and have a boundary talk with her or try and see why she would say those things.. Maybe something is going on you don't know about.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Loved ones have to learn they don't get blind support and loyalty, especially if they've made a mistake. Your mother was wrong and needs to be taught her place. It was not her place to go there and cause problems so why should you support that? Don't. She needs to admit to it and apologize to everyone. Tell her you'll support her during that process.

Otherwise-Table1935 − NTA for not supporting her lies

Solrackai − NTA, and please don’t take a loan from your 401k that fiscally the worst loan you can take.

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SleuthingSloth009 − NTA You're never obligated to support someone else's lies except under the most extreme circumstances which this isn't.

[Reddit User] − NTA your mother said extremely cruel and unsupportive things to people and needs to apologize immediately whether she “remembers” what she said or not.

Starkie_stark0162 − NTA-for standing up to her and not letting her pull the “but I’m your mom card” and for defending your wife and in-laws.

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BertTheNerd − NTA. Even if you owe loyalty to your mother, your loyalty to your wife overweights it. And even if it was not the case, loyalty is not borderless, there are limits of it. And she overstepped it massively. You would have right to berate her if she had said such cruel things to strangers. But this were not strangers but your wife's family.

ajbshade − NTA but this whole thing is confusing. Why the hell is your mom inserting herself in your in-laws business, why would she go down to be with them while you and your wife can’t even be there

Why would she say any of that hurtful s**t in the first place that is none of her business and not her family? This whole thing is weird as hell and she needs to apologize and go home. She’s doing more harm than good at this point.

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Some see the OP as a hero for defending his wife’s family, while others wonder if there’s more to the mother’s meltdown. Maybe she’s grappling with her own fears—still, a little humor and a big apology might go a long way to patch this up!

This wild ride of family loyalty, misplaced words, and a stroke recovery in progress leaves us with a lot to unpack. The OP stood up for hope and his wife’s family, but at the cost of a fiery clash with his own mother. It’s a messy, human story where love and frustration collided like bumper cars at a fair. Navigating these choppy waters takes courage, clear boundaries, and maybe a sprinkle of patience to mend the rift. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts, experiences, or even your own family drama—let’s get the conversation rolling!

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