AITA for telling my mom I’m staying with dad full time until I don’t have to share my room?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A cozy bedroom, once a teen’s private sanctuary, became a battleground when an unexpected guest arrived. A 15-year-old girl found her space invaded by her mom’s boyfriend’s daughter, displaced by a house fire, turning quiet nights into a tangle of hair and sleepless chatter. Frustrated and unheard, she packed her bags for her dad’s, igniting a family storm.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy heart of blended families and personal boundaries. With emotions running high, the teen’s choice to prioritize her comfort raises questions about fairness, compassion, and the right to one’s own space. Readers are drawn into a relatable tale of growing pains and tough choices.

‘AITA for telling my mom I’m staying with dad full time until I don’t have to share my room?’

I (15f) live one week with my dad and another with mom. They divorced 3 years ago and my mom has been dating John for a year. John and I don’t hate each other but not close. We all live in the same town as most my dad’s side of the family so other than my music lesson I also hung out a lot with my cousins and didn’t spend a lot of time around John.

A month ago John and his daughter Trisha (11f) moved in temporarily into my house because there was a fire at theirs. My house has 2 bedrooms so Trisha has to stay in my room. My bed is a bunk bed because I was getting a sister but my mom miscarried.

Trisha and I hung out only a few times before this but I can say the same about her and John—I don’t hate her.. But she turns out to be hard to live with. She has long hair and her hair is everywhere. She talks in her sleep and I was woken up 5 or 6 times since her stay.

She also sometimes tried to speak to me when I already turned off my lamp, a sign that I was going to sleep. I talked to my mom and she said I needed to be nicer to her since she’s been through a lot. That my issues were just minor inconveniences. That Trisha would be back at her own home soon (in late January)..

I talked to my dad and he said I could just move in with him until Trisha leaves. I then packed my bags and told my mom I’ll be staying at dad’s. She blew up at me, saying what a spoiled brat I am and that I’m making John and Trisha feel horrible for imposing. I just left. It’s been a week now and my mom never reached out to me.

She dropped my Christmas presents at my grandma’s because my dad and I would celebrate Christmas there. I don’t think my mom can get the law involved because I’m 15 and I just have to tell them the living situation and they should understand. Besides, it’s only till I can have my room back again. Still, AITA?

This teen’s bedroom drama highlights the delicate balance of family obligations and personal space. Sharing a room with a near-stranger, especially an 11-year-old navigating trauma, pushed the 15-year-old to her limit, prompting her move to her dad’s. Her mom’s dismissal of her complaints fueled the tension, revealing clashing priorities.

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Child psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Teens need space to feel in control, especially during family transitions”. The teen’s need for privacy clashes with her mom’s push for compassion toward a displaced child. Both perspectives have merit, but communication broke down.

The broader issue touches on blended family dynamics. The American Psychological Association reports that 40% of U.S. families are blended, often facing boundary challenges. The teen’s move was a boundary-setting act, but her abrupt exit escalated conflict.

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To resolve this, open dialogue is key. The teen could explain her needs calmly, while her mom could acknowledge her feelings. Compromise, like setting room-sharing rules, might ease tensions.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s weighing in with some fiery takes on this teen’s bold move—let’s see what the community thinks!

[Reddit User] - NTA But your dad should have had a conversation with your mom and he went about this all the wrong way. As a family court attorney I have a different view on much of this. In my state, if your mom ‘got the law involved’ you could be made to return. I am often asked if at 12…14…16 can I make the decision where I live or my child can pick.

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The answer is the court will consider your wishes in my state, but not let you pick. In the same way if you pick your dad your mom can’t just turn off paying support or disown you. There are rights and responsibilities involved. People too often think every case is a reasonable teen who can pick

and forget that if the law freely allowed kids to just pick sides that it would be really really easy for kids to play parents completely off each other and end up with zero supervision. All this is to say I think you have some real feelings. I think people should listen to you. I don’t think either of your parents are acting like adults.

MamaCBear - NTA. It’s hard to share your space and staying with your dad until Trisha can go back to her mum, is a reasonable compromise.. But …. The person I feel for is Trisha: Either her mum and dad split (you know how that feels) or she lost her mum at some point in the past.

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She has lost her home to a fire. You don’t say how bad the fire was, so she might have lost a lot of precious things and memories. Also your home is something that helps you feel emotionally safe and secure. She then had to move into her dad’s gf’s house, she might feel the same way about your mum as you do about her dad.

She has to share room with a teenage girl she that barely knows, possibly something she’s not had to do in the past either. Finally, you complain about her and make your dislike of her in your space well know and move out until she’s left..  Trisha is likely feeling very vulnerable, lost and scared of the future.

You don’t have to like Trisha, you don’t have to like sharing your room, you don’t have to like John but it never hurts to think about how the other person might be affected by events that happen in their life and show some understanding and compassion.. How would you feel if it was you in Trisha’s place?. There are times where you can either be right or be kind. Always choose to be kind.

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Valiantrabbit49 - NTA. A house fire is pretty traumatic. Your mom's boyfriend and his daughter have probably lost everything they had, including sentimental things. Your mother is kind to take in her boyfriend and his daughter, but you are the one stuck sharing a room with someone you don’t know well. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to stay with your dad until they move back out.

Your mother has no right to berate you for not wanting to share a room. You are not wrong to spend some extra time with your dad. Just be aware that your mom and her boyfriend might decide to make this permanent, so make sure you have everything you care about out of your room. Make another trip if you need to.

Broad_Respond_2205 - I don't see how is this a bad thing. Trisha house got burned so she had to share a room with a teen she barely know. not only this, but it seems that she and said teen just couldn't get along sleeping in the same room. So you left to another house (which she doesn't have the privilege to do) and left her with a room for herself! so nice of you. NTA

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happydactyl31 - This is one of those that kind of lives in the gray area. Everyone’s choices are understandable but that doesn’t mean they’re The Best. It’s fair to not want to share your room for a month with a preteen you don’t know that well.

Her having long hair and trying to talk and bond a little isn’t a crime - those in-the-dark conversations are the best part about sharing a room imo - but it’s okay that you didn’t love it. Your mom is right that the mature, kind thing would be to just deal with it for a few weeks to help a kid who just dealt with such a horrible and terrifying experience.

You’re 15 and you’re allowed to not be perfectly mature. At the same time - if you think you’re old enough to pack up and leave whether your mom likes it or not, you’re old enough to not really hear from her for a week. You weren’t celebrating Christmas with her and she was upset with you and she still made sure you got presents from her anyway. She’s not being vindictive or petty.

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She’s allowed to have time to be mad at you for leaving her house in a huff. NAH overall because none of this is just egregious. It’s pretty standard teenager-mom fighting where both of you are grappling with how that relationship changes as you get older, and it’s something you both probably won’t be super proud of when you look back on it. It happens.

_higglety - INFO: It does seem like some of the issues you had with Trisha could have been resolved with a conversation or two. Did you try talking with her and *telling* her that when you shut your lamp off, you're about to go to sleep and therefore don't want to talk, or did you just assume she should recognize this 'sign'?

Did you try problem solving the hair issue with Trisha or either adult, so that she could help vaccum/dust etc more frequently, and/or try wearing a braid to keep her hair more contained? You're a teen, so you're only a few years off from the next stage of your life,

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which will likely involve a dorm or apartment. At that point, you're going to have to do some communication and problem solving in order to live comfortably with relative strangers. That's a skill that it takes practice to develop.

profmoxie - I'm going to break with everyone here and go with a soft YTA. House fires are TRAUMA. We had one when I was your age and I remember having sleep issues for weeks afterward-- panic attacks at night, nightmares, and feeling like I was not safe where I was (we stayed with family). And I was 15, this is a traumatized 11-year-old.

I know it's not ideal for her to be there, but YOU have an opportunity to show her some care and understanding during a difficult time. Yes, it's an inconvenience for you, but she is essentially homeless during the holidays.

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Sure, you CAN go to your dad's but the way you did it obviously messed up holiday plans and disrupt things further. Also, there may be some custody agreements you're breaking. Unless both your mom and dad agree to the arrangement, I don't think you can just decide where to live.

You'll likely have roommates in the future, OP. I would invest in an eyemask and noise-cancelling headphones. Explain to Trisha that when your light is out that means you're trying to sleep and that could be her signal too (light out = she's trying to sleep). This is a chance to show some compassion to a young person who has had a rough time.

maywellflower - NTA and honestly you saved yourself from drama that your mother purposely is not resolving and actually escalated by having John & Trisha there. I don't believe they are leaving, I think they are going live there permanently and whatever delusions your mother has of perfect blended family was gone from getgo due both the divorce then Trisha being horrible roommate to you.

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Now your mother is upset that you have options to where to live and hates that your father's home is option for you live in both temporary & permanently - thing is this her fault especially for being dismissive of your concerns & observations, then not helping the situation; is her doing silent treatment on you which shows she is picking John & Trisha over you and well she f**ked up but not your father..

Edit Those saying Trisha is not a horrible roommate are ignoring this about her: She has long hair and her hair is everywhere. She talks in her sleep and I was woken up 5 or 6 times since her stay. She also sometimes tried to speak to me when I already turned off my lamp, a sign that I was going to sleep.

The talking in her sleep & purposely talking to OP when trying to sleep makes her horrible roommate to OP, especially since OP custody arrangement is one week at her mothers and other week at her father WHILE GOING TO SCHOOL!

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That automatic horrible roommate for anyone that not use to that along with is a light sleeper and/or has difficulty going back to sleep after being spoken to while trying to sleep (If you have no problem with having for bunkmate in a room that does that -Kudos to you but not everyone wants deal nor be around with such roommate at nights)

The hair everywhere hygiene issue made it more easier for OP to just get out. I'm sure Trisha is nice kid in the daytime & out the house, but as roommate; she is terrible especially towards OP since that is/was OP's bedroom.....

biteyourfriend - Soft YTA, not for leaving, but because of your attitude surrounding this. First of all, the fire must not have been that bad considering they'll only be out for a couple months. My downstairs neighbor's condo caught fire in 2022 and we went through hell with that. Our damage was only smoke but it still took us 5 months to get back in our condo.

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The side where the fire started took an entire year to rebuild. Unless someone's been through a house fire, it's absolutely impossible to understand what it's like. Trisha is likely experiencing PTSD. Depending on whether she was home or not, many things can trigger it. The sleep issues really stand out to me (feeling the need to talk before sleep, talking in her sleep).

I used to stay up all night terrified. I still have dreams where I have to get my cats to safety and I don't have enough time or I'm stranded where there's a fire. She lost her home dude. Your attitude behind this makes sense since you're still a teenager and your frontal lobe is still forming, but from an adult twice your age, you are definitely being an unwelcoming, unempatheric a**hole.

All Trisha wants in her situation is familiarity and comfort. She doesn't know you, she doesn't want to be there. She's attempting human connection and now she probably feels like a huge inconvenience just for existing.

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I understand your life got slightly disrupted too but you're making mountains out of molehills. It's probably good you left for a bit and gave her some space, but your bratty attitude towards someone who just wants their own home back makes you an a**hole.

BBQQuails - NTA Unless your mom tries to force the blended family on you, she should understand that you don’t need to stay and inconvenience yourself and lose sleep. Since John and Trisha need help, they can stay. You have the resources to be elsewhere aka your dad’s so you get out. No big deal.

These Redditors bring the heat, but do their opinions reflect the full complexity of this family drama?

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This story of a teen reclaiming her space leaves us wondering: when does personal comfort outweigh family duty? The girl’s decision to move to her dad’s sparked a rift, but her need for privacy resonates with many. How would you handle sharing your space with an unexpected guest? Share your thoughts below!

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