AITA for telling my mom I’ll never forgive her if she fucks up my adoption?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a world where family bonds can be as tangled as they are transformative, one young girl finds herself caught in an emotional tug-of-war. The vibrant yet fragile threads of her life are interwoven with both past neglect and present security. With the warmth of her aunt’s consistent care contrasting sharply against the ghosts of abandonment, the stage is set for a dramatic and heartfelt confrontation.

The air is thick with anticipation as loyalties collide and long-dormant pain resurfaces. In an environment filled with affectionate family traditions—from casual outings to cozy movie nights—the girl’s defiant response to her biological mother’s return becomes more than a mere reaction. It is a bold declaration of where her heart truly lies, highlighting the difficulties of reuniting with a past that may undo the promise of a secure future.

‘AITA for telling my mom I’ll never forgive her if she fucks up my adoption?’

I’ve (14f) been living with my aunt (my mom’s sister) since I was 8. It was originally because of an issue with her ex boyfriend and CPS placed me with my aunt then she used to say she couldn’t handle 4 kids as a single mom so I had to stay with my aunt then we just didn’t talk for a few years.

My aunt has been trying to adopt me for years. We’re finally able to try to get my mom’s parental rights terminated because she didn’t speak to any of us or send money or anything for 4 years. I really like living with my aunt. On Tuesdays we go out to eat. She says we take turns choosing the restaurant but I get to choose almost every week.

On Fridays we order pizza and watch a movie and eat ice cream in our pajamas on the couch. When I started middle school she started taking me to get my nails done with her so now we do that every other Saturday and at least once a month (sometimes more during summers or school breaks) we get to visit her condo in the mountains.

There’s a little beach and the past couple years she’s been letting me hang out with my friends or alone by the beach or downtown or at the pool or wherever as long as I keep my location on my phone and I’m home by the time it gets dark.

After my mom got notice that her rights were going to be terminated she got in contact with my aunt and started emailing my old email address saying she misses me and she wants to see me. She’s sent me pictures of her new family and she’s sending my aunt money so she can say she’s a part of my life and she’s taking care of me.

My aunt told me not to contact my mom yet and to let her take care of everything. I listened for a while then my mom sent me a picture of a bed at her house with a bunch of shopping bags on it and she said that’s my bed and she has presents for me and she can’t wait for me to come home.

I emailed her back and told her that I don’t want to live with her. I haven’t seen her or talked to her for 4 years and I don’t even know who half the people in the pictures she sent me are. I also said that I really love living here and that if she fucks up my adoption I’ll never forgive her and I’ll never speak to her after I turn 18.

My mom called my aunt crying about what I said and my aunt got mad at me because she told me not to contact my mom. Now I’m wondering if I was the a**hole for contacting my mom when I wasn’t supposed to and being rude to her.

When long-dormant family ties suddenly resurface during an ongoing adoption process, the situation turns both legally sensitive and emotionally charged. The child is placed at the intersection of a secure, nurturing environment and the unpredictable complications brought by a neglected parent’s re-entry. These sudden shifts require careful handling, as every conversation can leave a significant legal footprint that affects her future.

In this case, the 14-year-old’s decision to reject her mother—although heartfelt—carries potential legal implications. Even though the response is understandable given her feelings, experts warn that such communications might be scrutinized in court. Every message, especially those sent via text or email, can be dissected and used to question the stability of her current living arrangement and ongoing adoption proceedings.

Beyond the immediate legal concerns, this scenario shines a light on the broader issue of parental alienation. Research indicates that children thrive in environments characterized by consistent and secure caregiving, and sudden emotional upheavals can jeopardize their long-term well-being. Experts suggest that while the child’s emotions are valid, adhering to professional advice minimizes risks. Clear guidance from legal and mental health advisors helps maintain a supportive framework during such family realignments.

Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting advises, “When a child is suddenly exposed to reconnecting with an estranged parent, consistency is key for long-term stability.” This insight, supported by several parenting resources (see Aha! Parenting ), highlights the importance of measured, expert-guided steps. By prioritizing steady, professional support, families can navigate the emotional complexities while safeguarding the child’s future, ensuring that her best interests remain at the forefront.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and a mirror to the diverse perspectives of those who weighed in. These opinions, though varied, capture the complex mix of legal caution and raw emotion that defines this case.

While some urge strict adherence to the aunt’s guidance, others empathize with the palpable feelings fueling the child’s defiant message. The conversation remains vibrant and thought-provoking, reflecting the many challenges that arise when past neglect collides with the desire for a secure, loving environment.

LobToOneSide − YTA, but softly. Your Aunt told you not to talk to your mom not because the things she’s saying is correct, but because she doesn’t want you to mess up the adoption process. You’re a kid, you don’t know what you’re saying, and it’s really easy to accidentally say something that messes it ip legally.

Especially since it’s over text, every single little thing that’s communicated is going to be heavily scrutinized by your mother’s legal team. More than that, if you talk to her, your mother is going to get super defensive and try harder to block this from happening.

If you trust your Aunt, bear it and listen to her. You’re not a bad person, but you’re not the one who is supposed to be in charge of what to do right now, please let her get you all through it.. Edit: I don’t really know what awards do but thanks!

kykyLLIka − As difficult as it might be, please keep your emotions in check and do what your aunt tells you as far as your mom is concerned. Your aunt has to follow the law & the advice of her attorney, so don't make their job harder and don't complicate it.

You will have your chance to tell your mom how much she hurt you, later, preferably after the adoption goes thru. But for now, let your wonderful aunt do her job.. Good luck to you, kiddo! EDIT: obviously NTA, simply because the kiddo is 14 and has been dealt a very crappy hand in life. Bio mom sucks

hyundai-gt − I think your aunt is concerned that if you start emailing your mom, she won't be able to say to the courts that your mom has gone 4 years without communicating with you - so this maybe could hurt your adoption process.. Best to talk to your aunt to understand better. NAH , good luck.

pennywhistlesmoonpie − I’m not going to call a 14-year-old who is being manipulated by her birth mother an AH. NTA, sweetie. But going forward, definitely listen to your aunt. She has your best interests at heart, and now there is a paper trail establishing that your birth mother has been in contact.

You’re allowed to react emotionally, it’s very, very human and understandable. If you get the urge to send another message, please go immediately to your aunt. She will listen and help, I promise.

potaytoh_potahtoh − YTA because you may have made your adoption process harder by responding to your mom. I understand why you did it, but it wasn't the right time to talk to her. There is something called

and if the court believes her then it might be more likely to decide you have to move back in with your mom. Listen to your aunt from now on and do what she says, because she is probably following instructions from a lawyer.

Few_Cable7034 − A gentle YTA, I’m sorry you’re going through this situation. You’re only 14 years old, it’s understandable that you reacted that way but yes, you may have made it difficult for your aunt in the process. I hope it all works out, it sounds like you and your aunt are a great pair.

AnIncredibleIdiot − YTA. Listen to your aunt! Your mothers behavior after 4 years of no contact can be used against her, but likely only if you don't engage. By responding your mother you gave her ammo to use to stop the adoption process.

She could easily claim parental alienation, among other things, to say that you clearly do want to be in contact with her because you responded but the aunt is stopping you, preventing a mother from reconnecting with her daughter, etc.

All you've done is light a fire under your mother to motivate her to take you back and made it that much harder for your aunt to adopt you. The courts always favor biological parents over other family members.

Your aunt has an uphill battle trying to adopt you as it is. Don't make it any harder for her because at 14 it's very likely the court will consider you too young to make this decision on your own, and will force you back with your mother if she pushes it.

taisynn − YTA, but only to yourself and your aunt. Your womb donor is going to try to block the adoption and this may make it be harder. Block her and let your aunt take care of the rest.

gurlwithdragontat2 − YTA for not following instructions, but you’re literally 14 so what else is new? There is a reason your aunts told you not to speak to her; *so if you trust your aunt so much you want to live with her than you need to trust the other directives she gives you, because they have your best interest at heart.*

That’s literally the downside of having a good parent, kid. **However,** all of your feelings are entirely valid. You are completely entitled to feel exactly the way you do surrounding your mother.

I would recommend keeping a journal that can maybe be given to your mother after this is all over we’re in you share the feelings you’re having there instead of with her.. I truly hope this works out for you! Pizza and movie Fridays sounds awesome!

Booger_Picnic − I'm not going to say y t a, that's way too strong. It was a mistake to reply to your mom, but completely understandable why you felt the need to respond. It's a hard situation when your mom, who hasn't bothered with you in years, comes back and tries to manipulate you into going back.

Honestly, how dare she? You have absolutely every right to be angry. But from now on, just forward her emails to your aunt so that she can pass them on to her lawyer. Good luck, and I hope that the adoption goes through!

In conclusion, this intricate family saga highlights the challenges of balancing a painful past with the promise of a secure future. The young girl’s emotional response and the expert analyses reveal just how delicate such situations can be. As families navigate these treacherous emotional landscapes, every decision carries significant implications. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and join the discussion.

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