AITA for telling my mom I don’t want to take care of her?

Imagine growing up in a home where animal feces littered the floor and your clothes never fit, while your parents splurged on gadgets and shirked responsibility. For a 25-year-old woman, this was her childhood, raising her youngest sibling while her mother refused to work. Now, with her parents’ marriage crumbling—her stepdad hitting on her aunt and her mom chasing an old flame—she faces pressure to uproot her life and two kids to move 2,500 miles south. When her mother guilt-tripped her, citing her bond with her 13-year-old sibling, she snapped, refusing to play caretaker to a parent who never grew up.

This Reddit saga dives into the raw pain of emotional neglect and the courage to set boundaries. With her youngest sibling crying to stay and her family’s accusations flying, the woman questions if her blunt refusal was too harsh. Was she wrong to prioritize her own family, or justified in breaking free from her mother’s demands? Let’s unravel this tale of fractured families and hard truths.

‘AITA for telling my mom I don’t want to take care of her?’

Saying no to a parent who expects you to parent them is not just a boundary—it’s a reclamation of your life. The woman’s refusal to move with her mother and take on her financial and emotional care was a bold stand against a history of neglect and parentification. Having raised her 13-year-old sibling in a home marked by chaos, her decision to prioritize her own children’s stability—staying in a state with strong education over moving to rural Oklahoma—is rooted in responsibility. Family therapist Dr. Salvador Minuchin notes, “Parentified children often face lifelong pressure to prioritize family over self, leading to resentment and burnout” . Her mother’s refusal to work and reliance on alimony or others perpetuate a cycle of dependency the woman rightly rejected.

This reflects a broader issue: the lasting impact of emotional neglect and parentification. A 2024 study found 25% of adults raised in neglectful homes struggle to set boundaries with parents, often facing guilt or manipulation . The mother’s attempt to guilt her daughter by leveraging her bond with her sibling is a classic tactic to maintain control. The 13-year-old’s desire to stay with the woman, not their mother, underscores the depth of her caregiving role and the mother’s failure to parent effectively. The woman’s mental health struggles and history of gaslighting make her outburst understandable, not excessive.

Dr. Minuchin advises, “Breaking free from parentification requires firm boundaries and external support, like therapy or legal action.” The woman should explore legal options, such as petitioning for custody of her 13-year-old sibling, especially if her stepdad won’t contest and the home environment remains unstable. Consulting Child Protective Services or a family lawyer, as Redditors suggested, could protect her sibling. For readers, setting boundaries with neglectful parents means valuing your own family’s needs—empathy doesn’t mean obligation. The woman’s stand was a necessary step toward breaking a toxic cycle, and her focus should now be on her children and sibling’s well-being.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crowd brought fierce support, cheering the woman’s courage and slamming her mother’s entitlement with a mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the community:

These Redditors backed the woman’s refusal, but are they too quick to vilify her mother, or is this a clear case of justified boundaries? Their takes spark a debate on family loyalty and self-preservation.

This story lays bare the scars of growing up with neglectful parents and the strength it takes to say no. The woman’s refusal to move and care for her mother wasn’t harsh—it was a stand for her own family’s future and her sibling’s stability. It’s a reminder that breaking free from toxic family dynamics is a painful but vital choice. Have you ever had to set hard boundaries with a parent? Share your experiences—what would you do when family demands threaten your own peace?