AITA for telling my mom and sister the best help they can give is to shut the f**k up?
When a new baby arrives, the joy of parenthood can sometimes be shadowed by unexpected tensions. Our OP, a caring husband and new dad, shares the struggles his wife faces after giving birth six weeks ago. Physically doing well, she’s emotionally fragile—dealing with postpartum anxiety and resurfacing mental health challenges.
Although she chose not to breastfeed for personal reasons, her family, especially his mother and sister, are militant about breastfeeding and have bombarded her with unsolicited advice. Despite his warnings, they pushed their “helpful tips” on her, leaving our OP to draw a firm line for the sake of his wife’s well‑being.
Now, with family members still pestering and pressuring her, the OP had to step in decisively. During a group call when his mom and sister wanted to visit, he told them bluntly that the best help they could offer was simply to “shut the f**k up” and support his wife. This heated exchange has sparked debate over whether his response was justified.
‘AITA for telling my mom and sister the best help they can give is to shut the f**k up?’
Letting well-meaning family members cross personal boundaries during such a vulnerable time can be damaging. Dr. William Sears, a renowned pediatrician, once remarked, “There is no one best way to feed a baby—what matters most is the health and well-being of both mother and child, and that decision should be made without external pressure.” In this case, the OP’s wife is experiencing postpartum anxiety and emotional fragility, and the unsolicited advice is only adding to her stress.
Respecting a mother’s feeding choices is crucial for her mental health, as research suggests that pressure and judgment can exacerbate postpartum depression. Dr. Sears further explains that support, not judgment, helps families navigate the complexities of new parenthood.
When relatives insist on idealized norms, such as militant breastfeeding advocacy, they risk undermining a woman’s confidence and recovery. Establishing clear boundaries is a vital step in ensuring that personal well-being is prioritized over rigid traditions.
Moreover, studies indicate that a supportive environment free from unsolicited advice is essential for positive postpartum outcomes. When extended family members disregard set boundaries, it not only strains relationships but can also have lasting impacts on a mother’s self-esteem and mental health.
The OP’s firm stance in telling his family to “shut the f**k up” is, while harsh, a necessary assertion of his family’s autonomy. It highlights an important truth: genuine support means respecting personal choices, even when they differ from longstanding family ideals.
Finally, setting boundaries like these can pave the way for healthier interactions in the future. Instead of constant criticism, family members are encouraged to offer empathy and understanding—qualities that foster a nurturing atmosphere for both mother and child.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
In a nutshell, the Reddit community was overwhelmingly on the OP’s side. Most commenters praised his unwavering support for his wife and his insistence on clear boundaries, noting that unsolicited advice—especially on such a personal issue as breastfeeding—is not only unhelpful but potentially harmful.
Many felt that genuine support means respecting a mother’s choice, whatever that may be, and that family members should focus on offering kindness rather than judgment. Overall, the consensus was that protecting a loved one’s emotional well‑being is far more important than enforcing outdated expectations.
![[Reddit User] − NTA. They brought me into a group call a few days ago and told me they want to come see us and I asked if they were going to respect the boundary. They told me they just want to help. I told them the best help they can give is to shut the f**k up and be supportive of what she's doing. I said otherwise their help is not needed and would not be helpful in any way. I am voting you husband and new dad of the year!!! You rock, and your shiny spine can be seen from space!!!!](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/25354cmf1-01.png)
![[Reddit User] − I couldn't breastfeed. I just had pathetically bad milk supply, and nothing fixed it. I cannot tell you how many women set out to make me feel as bad as humanly possible about that, including one absolutely heinous individual who explained to me that *of course* all breasts produce milk efficiently, it's what they're designed to do.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/25354cmf1-06.png)
In the end, this isn’t merely about breastfeeding—it’s about respecting boundaries and prioritizing the well-being of those you love. The OP’s decision to insist on silence and support for his wife is a powerful reminder that genuine help comes without judgment. What would you do if your family ignored your boundaries during a challenging time?
How do you balance family traditions with personal care? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let’s discuss how to foster support while maintaining healthy limits.
