AITA For telling my MIL to just contact my wife instead of me from now on?

A woman finally reached her limit after years of being ignored and belittled by her mother-in-law. Despite being married for several years and recently welcoming a child, she found herself suddenly receiving constant messages from someone who had spent over a decade pretending she did not exist.

What began as cautious attempts at reconciliation quickly unraveled when the past was dismissed and denied. With her wife firmly supporting her decision, the situation shifted into a question of boundaries, accountability, and whether cutting off direct contact was justified after years of selective acceptance.

‘AITA For telling my MIL to just contact my wife instead of me from now on?’

The relationship with the mother-in-law was strained from the very beginning.

So this is probably post number 1736487 about MILs on this sub but here’s another. So my (33f) wife’s (33f) mother has never been fond of me.

She’s a very old timey woman who speaks like a Victorian ghost and has trouble accepting that her daughter married a woman, but even worse than that, a chef (she...

Years of dismissal and class-based judgment defined the dynamic.

I’ll sum up the past real quick: met wife in 2010, moved in together in 2013, dated until 2018 engagement, married 2019, bought house 2021 (perfect timing for that but...

The years are somewhat relevant. Between 2010-2018 I did not exist to this woman. I was a roommate for years, then they called me a great friend because girlfriend was...

She ignored my parents, my family and me for years and years even as my relationship with my now wife was getting more and more serious, we had traveled a...

When I did the traditional thing and asked her father for her support in asking her to marry me he said “of course I support you but (MIL) probably won’t...

The arrival of a child changed her behavior, but not her accountability.

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Fine. Not unexpected. Whatever we got married anyway and it’s basically the summation of how I’ve been treated anyway.. Post wedding I was met with constant career shaming/class shaming/life styling...

Fast forward to last year when she found out I’m pregnant and having her first grandchild. Suddenly she wants to talk every day and have casual coffee/drop ins you name...

I told her we can reconcile but she “doesn’t remember” treating me this way and I was met with gaslighting so I said fine then we go back to how...

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Edit: Wow thank you everyone! I feel validated. We’re definitely forming some rock solid boundaries and she’s now blocked on my phone. If she wants to meet in person it’s...

In this case, the mother-in-law’s behavior followed a clear pattern: dismissal, judgment, and social erasure until the arrival of a grandchild shifted her priorities. The sudden interest, without acknowledgment of past harm, placed the emotional burden on the poster to “move on” without resolution.

Opposing views often argue for forgiveness in the name of family unity, particularly after children enter the picture. However, reconciliation without accountability often repeats the same harm. The refusal to remember past behavior undermines trust and reinforces power imbalance rather than repairing it.

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From a broader social perspective, this situation reflects how marginalized partners are sometimes tolerated only when they become useful. Setting boundaries is not punishment; it is a protective measure. The fact that the spouse supports the boundary suggests a shared understanding of the damage done and a mutual commitment to emotional safety moving forward.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Many users supported the decision, emphasizing boundaries and consequences.

Electronic_Fox_6383 − NTA. Who needs old-timey Victorian ghost grandma anyway, lol?

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draynaccarato − NTA Treat you like garbage for years and now acts like you’re besties? No thank you.

Effective-Several − NTA. *Now*, when it suits her, she wants to be all nicely-nice. Let your wife deal with her mother. I’d block the MIL.

MissMurderpants − Aww, come on Op, don’t forget your place as the incubator for the grandchild. /s NTA Not your mother not your problem.

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thelistman1 − She doesn’t remember. The phrase goes: “the tree remembers, the axe forgets. ” You have taken blow after blow and it eats away at you.

Abusers and downright n__ty people dish out insults so often and simply don’t remember, or don’t think they were hurting you.

It sounds like you’ve given up, for good reason, trying to have any relationship with MIL. Your wife is on your side, which shows how bad MIL is. Good riddance!...

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Other commenters focused on future implications and practical advice.

SnooWords4839 − Just block. Start setting boundaries with wife to stop MIL from interfering after baby is born.

[Reddit User] − NTA I'd think long and hard about whether or not I want this person in my child's life. There's a real chance that she could at the...

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SpringfieldMO_Daddy − NTA - though you could cross over that line if she truly repents and tries to reconcile whilst you travel back down memory lane shaming her for her...

A few responses used humor or blunt storytelling to lighten the mood.

ConceptMajestic9156 − A man walks into a bar. .. The bartender asks "Why the long face? " The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another...

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I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. "The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you k__l yourself. " The man asks "Well what would...

The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd k__l...

The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks! " and runs out of the bar.

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A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face. "Did you k__l...

[Reddit User] − NTA. Actions have consequences. If she's too proud to apologize (really apologize not some BS 'sorry if' or 'sorry you feel that way') then she can have...

BTW, if she "can't remember" the past several years, she's probably going senile and should see a doctor before being left alone with an infant. I bet she suddenly remembers...

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This story illustrates how unresolved mistreatment does not disappear simply because family dynamics change. While the arrival of a child often brings people closer, it can also expose unresolved entitlement and selective acceptance.

Should reconciliation require acknowledgment of past harm? How should couples manage extended family relationships when one partner has been repeatedly disrespected? Readers are encouraged to share how they would handle similar boundaries.

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