AITA for telling my MIL to have her own baby when she was hassling me about motherhood?

It’s a sunny weekend, family gathered, and the inevitable question hits: “When’s the baby coming?” For one newlywed, shrugging off the query wasn’t enough for her mother-in-law, who demanded a “real” answer. When pushed on her choice to stay child-free, she fired back with a quip: “Have your own baby.” The room froze—tears followed, and a family wound was unwittingly exposed. Reddit jumped in with fiery takes, debating who crossed the line in this tense exchange.

This isn’t just about a snarky comeback—it’s a clash of personal choice and family expectations, wrapped in unintended hurt. With the mother-in-law reeling and the husband urging an apology, the story pulls us into the messy heart of standing firm versus keeping peace. Let’s unpack this drama and the Reddit crowd’s bold opinions.

‘AITA for telling my MIL to have her own baby when she was hassling me about motherhood?’

My husband and I have been married for a few months, and people have started to ask us when we’re planning to have a baby. Neither my husband nor I have any interest in being parents, so we’ve just been shrugging it off and saying, “We’ll let you know.”

This past weekend my mother-in-law told me that she wanted a real answer and not an excuse, so I finally just told her that we have no plans to have any children. She wanted to hear my reasons why not, so I told her that being a parent is too much commitment/responsibility,

it’s too expensive to raise kids in the country where we live, climate change makes me uncertain about future safety of our planet, and I don’t want to put my body through pregnancy. She said that all of my reasons are selfish and that it’s wrong to deprive a potential child of love just because I don’t want responsibility, and that it’s unfair to the rest of the family that I’m stopping them from passing on their genes and continuing a legacy.

I told her that if she really wants another baby in the family so badly to get off my case about it and have one herself. I really didn’t mean anything by it other than being flip, because she’s well past child-bearing age. But the comment really upset her to the point that she started crying and saying that she couldn’t believe I would say something so insensitive. She refused to speak to me any further about it,

but later told my husband that it was a horrible thing of me to say while knowing that her own husband had died before they were able to have as many kids as they’d wanted. (I didn’t know this, it’s not something she had ever mentioned around me.

My husband said he remembered her mentioning a couple of times over the years that she wished she’d had a daughter but nothing more than that.) So I feel like she’s overreacting to what was a snarky remark but not meant to be a personal insult,

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and that she started it in the first place by giving me s**t about not wanting a baby. But she thinks I owe her an apology for crossing the line, and my husband agrees that what I said to her was harsher than what she said to me.. Was I the a**hole here?

Family gatherings can turn into battlegrounds when personal choices, like staying child-free, are challenged. This woman’s sharp retort to her mother-in-law’s (MIL) pressure wasn’t meant to wound, but it hit a raw nerve tied to her MIL’s past loss. The MIL’s push to justify a private decision sparked the clash, revealing a double standard: she demanded answers but took offense at pushback. The woman’s quip, while flippant, was a defense of her autonomy.

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This scenario reflects a broader issue: societal pressure on reproductive choices. A 2021 Pew Research study found 44% of child-free adults face judgment for their decision, often from family (Pew Research). Dr. Ellen Walker, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Family members often project their values, ignoring personal boundaries” (Psychology Today). The MIL’s accusation of “selfishness” dismisses valid reasons—cost, climate concerns, and physical toll—while her hurt reaction stems from unshared grief.

The woman’s lack of knowledge about her MIL’s past limits her culpability, but her quip escalated tension. Dr. Walker suggests “I-statements” to defuse conflict: “I feel pressured when asked about kids.” An apology for the unintended hurt, paired with a boundary—reproductive choices are private—could mend ties. The MIL’s interrogation, though, was the root issue, as Reddit noted. Her expectation of legacy ignores the couple’s agency.

For solutions, the woman could offer a sincere apology for the hurt, not the sentiment, and firmly state that kids are off the table. Readers can foster respect by honoring others’ choices without judgment. Referring the MIL to adoption, as Reddit suggested, could redirect her desire for family expansion. Open communication, like a family meeting, can clarify boundaries and heal rifts without sacrificing autonomy.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit rolled in with a wave of support and snark, serving up a lively mix of cheers and advice. From slamming the MIL’s overreach to validating the woman’s clapback, the comments were a fiery rally:

mckinnos − NTA. You accidentally said something hurtful and hit a nerve. That is, however, because she pressured you to have a conversation about why you didn’t want kids! She caused this scenario. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I think if you feel like it, you could apologize for hurting her feelings because you weren’t aware she wanted more kids, but I really think you’re in the right here.

atda − NTA she can't really blame you for her projecting her past onto your life, especially when you didn't know her past. Knowing her past now I'd say sorry I didn't know, but they're no apologies needed for your not having a child that's your choice. Also wtf is a potential child? We're just imagining people that don't exist to be harmed by lack of love?

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Dokivi − NTA, also:. she started crying and saying that she couldn’t believe I would say something so insensitive... that is RICH coming from a person who just interrogated you on your reproductive decisions and harassed you over those decisions.

Sgtmeg − 'It's wrong to deprive a potential child of love,' eh? Then she doesn't have to worry about potentials or her own age, she can go adopt. There's a crisis in the US, and I'm certain elsewhere. Plenty of kids that could use her affections while you and your husband do your own thing and live your own lives, you know, like *adults* do.

You don't need to give her excuses or reasons, OP, or snarky comebacks. You and your husband reproducing is none of her business and that's final. No is a complete sentence and the more you give her the more she's going to twist your arm about it. Just say no. Also, NTA. It was a bit rude, but I personally hate the idea that people responding to rudeness are the problem, and not the person who poked the bear for weeks on end.

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[Reddit User] − NTA also “all of my reasons are selfish and that it’s wrong to deprive a potential child of love.”. Lol there is no potential child. Her logic is just as bad as her self-victimization

AislingFliuch − NTA - your mother was able to identify what you said that was insensitive to her but for some reason has no problem pestering you about kids when there could be any number of sensitive reasons why you didn't want children. Your mother is a h**ocrite. And for what it's worth, all your reasons for not having children are perfectly valid and you are not selfish for recognising that you have no obligation to have children if you don't wish to.

Illustrious-Band-537 − NTA.. 1. She has NO RIGHT to interrogate you about your reproductive plans let alone pass judgement on them. 2. Your response was valid - she had no problem offending you so why is it different if she is offended?.

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3.The amount of children she wanted and the children you don't want are two different issues entirely. 4. She is projecting her needs on to you and THAT is what's selfish here, not you deciding not to have kids. 5. You don't ever have to provide reasons for not wanting children.

'I dont want to' is a phrase that can be applied to almost any choice in the world. If it's a good enough answer to why someone doesn't want to have s**/vote for a specific person/go to a certain restaurant etc then it shooed be good enough as a response to a question on what you're doing with your uterus.

CookiesNeedLuv − NTA. But I'm biased. I've never wanted children and I've been bingo'd just like that (you might want to head over to r/childfree to learn about child free bingo). She hit virtually every spot on the bingo card in one conversation.

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It's unfortunate that she took your flippant reply more personally than you intended since you were unaware of her history. If it were me I'd apologize with something along the lines of 'I was unaware of your personal history and that as a result you were much more hurt by my comment,

it wasn't my intention to hurt you that much and for that I'm sorry. However our decision to not have children is our own, it's not going to change and I would appreciate it if in the future you refrained from further comments about it.'

Elykscorch − NTA. If she is going to be so pushy she should expect a little push back. It is just bad luck that you struck a sore spot. Personally I'd apologize but let her know at the same time that she went past the line as well.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, good response to someone going on at you. Personally I’d apologise for hurting her feelings to keep the peace (but not for snapping), you deserve an apology from her too.

These Redditors cheered the woman’s stand, calling out the MIL’s hypocrisy while suggesting a peace-keeping apology. Some poked fun at the “potential child” logic, others urged a hard line on privacy. But do their hot takes solve the family tension, or just fuel the fire?

This woman’s sharp retort to her MIL’s baby badgering wasn’t meant to cut deep, but it exposed the raw edges of family expectations. Standing firm on being child-free is her right, yet the unintended hurt shows how words can land hard. Reddit’s support leans toward autonomy, but the call for an apology raises questions about balancing truth and tact. What would you say if family pushed your personal choices too far? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going.

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