Aita for telling my mil it’s not my fault she married a deadbeat and to figure it out?
Imagine barely recovering from a tough C-section while juggling a newborn, only to have your phone blow up with incessant calls from your overbearing MIL. Our Redditor, a 25-year-old new mom, is still in pain and struggling to rest when her MIL’s constant demands add to her stress. Her husband, already stretched thin by taking time off work to care for both mother and baby, finds himself caught between family obligations and the need for recovery.
In the midst of this chaos, our Redditor finally snaps after being bombarded with calls and insults. Tired of the relentless pressure, she tells her MIL that it’s not her fault she married a deadbeat and that she needs to sort out her own issues. Read on for the full story and expert insights on setting healthy boundaries during such a vulnerable time.
‘Aita for telling my mil it’s not my fault she married a deadbeat and to figure it out?’
Navigating family dynamics, especially in the delicate aftermath of childbirth, is a balancing act that can quickly spiral out of control. Experts in family therapy and interpersonal communication note that the postpartum period is an exceptionally vulnerable time, where emotional and physical recovery can be severely impacted by external stressors. In this instance, our Redditor was faced with an overwhelming barrage of calls from her MIL—a person who, rather than offering support,
contributed to the chaos by demanding attention that simply wasn’t available. Family therapist Dr. Rebecca Lin emphasizes, “New mothers recovering from major surgeries like a C-section require not only physical rest but also emotional space to bond with their baby and heal. When in-laws or other family members ignore these needs, it can lead to an unsustainable level of stress.”
Here, the MIL’s expectation that her son, freshly freed from work responsibilities, should immediately pivot to cater to her needs reflects an unhealthy dynamic where personal boundaries are blurred. Rather than being a supportive figure, her incessant calls and relentless demands crossed into the territory of emotional overreach. Social psychologist Dr. Martin Hughes further explains that repeated,
intrusive communications—like the 73 calls received in one night—can significantly elevate stress levels and lead to impulsive reactions. “When individuals are sleep-deprived and overwhelmed by hormonal changes, as is common postpartum, their capacity for patience diminishes,” he notes. In this scenario, our Redditor’s response, though harsh, can be understood as a natural reaction to an untenable situation where her own well-being was being jeopardized by excessive external pressure.
Moreover, experts assert that it is vital for family members to respect the sanctity of the immediate postpartum period. Healthy relationships depend on the establishment of clear boundaries, particularly when one is recovering from significant medical procedures. In this case, while the MIL’s frustrations about her own past experiences might be valid in a different context, they do not justify imposing her expectations on a new mom who is already grappling with immense challenges.
The expert consensus is clear: while empathy for an elderly parent is important, it should never come at the cost of a new mother’s health and recovery. Ultimately, setting firm boundaries is not only justified but necessary to ensure that both the physical and emotional needs of the new family are met during such a critical time.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
From supportive cheers for setting boundaries to critiques of overstepping family roles, the community overwhelmingly agrees: new moms should not be held hostage by intrusive in-law demands, especially when recovery is at stake.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about a harsh remark—it’s about a new mom defending her right to recovery and her baby’s well-being. With emotions running high and boundaries being tested, our Redditor’s blunt response is seen as a necessary stand against relentless in-law intrusion. Do you think it’s fair for a new mom to demand space in such critical moments, or should family expectations always come first? Share your thoughts and join the conversation below!
