AITA for telling my MIL about my “Energy Diet” and saying it’s the reason why I don’t come to her weekly family dinners anymore?

Jude Roberts Hours
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Imagine a dining room aglow with soft light, where family gathers weekly for hearty meals. For one 33-year-old woman, these dinners with her mother-in-law (MIL) feel like a gauntlet of jabs about her body, job, and infertility. Each comment stings, leaving her drained and dreading the next invite.

Fed up, she coined an “energy diet” to skip these gatherings, sparking tension with her MIL and husband. Shared on Reddit, her story begs the question: is she wrong to guard her peace? Let’s explore her tale, Reddit’s reactions, and expert insights on family boundaries.

‘AITA for telling my MIL about my “Energy Diet” and saying it’s the reason why I don’t come to her weekly family dinners anymore?’

So my f33 MIL has a tradition, and that's hosting weekly family dinners at her house where everyone visits. In every dinner she hosts she'd find a way to comment about my hair, body, job, age, and worst of all my infertility. It upsets me, makes me feel uncomfortable and puts me on the spot. MIL says she's just looking out for me and my husband thinks I'm being too sensitive.

During 'my' last dinner there, MIL commented on my infertility by telling me to hurry up and get pregnant soon because 'I'm not getting any younger'. After that I no longer felt comfortable going over there and be part of her weekly family dinners. My husband threw a fit but eventually started going alone. This went on for 2 weeks.

Now after missing the 3rd family dinner I got a call from MIL sounding as nice as she could asking me about my health and stuff. I kept it short and civil. But she asked if I was going to show up for next week's family dinner. I said no..she was like 'why are you still sick?' (I found out my husband lied about me beingsick as excuse for my absense, that is another story for later) I said 'no??',

I'm actually on a diet' she laughed and said thatI indeed need to lose 'a few pounds' and said thar she'd see if she'd make me some 'healthy side dishes' just to get me to come but I said 'oh no, I'm actually on an energy diet, this means that if there's anything that bothers me, makes me uncomfortable, puts me on the spot then I don't want it and don't want to waste my energy on it'.

she got offended and said that I was being rude to her for no good reason. I cut the call short few minutes in. My husband got home later and started yelling at me for I said to his mother. I told him I don't want to go there anymore when his mom keeps making digs at me for her own amusement.

He again said that I was being too sensitive but added that I was embarrassing him infront of his whole family and said that by deciding to no longer show up, I'm basically telling his family 'F**k Y'all' to all of their faces.

We argued about it for half an hour then he took my phone and tried to get me to call her to 'unfuck' what I just 'f**ked' and take back what I said but I took the phone back and turned it off. He got more livid and said that I have one day to make this right and start showing his family some respect.. AITA? I just wanted to tell her why but in a nice way.

Family dinners should unite, but here they’re a stage for scrutiny. The OP’s “energy diet” cleverly sets a boundary against her MIL’s intrusive remarks on her infertility and appearance. Yet, her husband’s dismissal of her feelings as “too sensitive” reveals a loyalty gap. A 2023 APA study notes 68% of couples face in-law tension over boundaries (source).

Dr. John Gottman says, “A partner’s loyalty is key in in-law conflicts” (source). The husband’s demand for an apology prioritizes his family over her well-being, risking resentment. The OP’s indirect approach, while witty, muddied communication.

She could directly say, “Your comments about my personal life hurt, and I need them to stop.” Counseling might align her husband with her needs.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit dished out spicy support for the OP, with a side of humor. Here’s the community’s take:

frenchEthanhope - NTA,. I really like the energy diet! I might steal it from you one day.. But you have a husband problem... not defending you, throwing you under the bus.. Also he should start showing you some respect.

Johoski - NTA but your 'energy diet' thing is too indirect and doesn't work toward resolving the problem. 'I haven't come to the last few dinners because I am uncomfortable with the way you talk to me and criticize me. I'd like to come, but I am tired of fending off remarks about my weight, fertility, and other things.

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[Reddit User] - Tell your husband I hate him NTA 'Too sensitive' Maybe your husband should spend the next few years being bullied about how he must lack the ability to be a good husband if he's so happy to let his life get bullied by his family.

These are private, personal matters, and it is unkind to repeatedly criticize me. So, I have chosen to stay home because it's safer and more pleasant for me. I understand that you would like me to return to dinners, but that can only happen if I am no longer a target.'. Also, weekly dinners are a bit much. It's a red flag of enmeshment and control.

CrankyUncleMorty - NTA. I would call mother in law on speaker phone in front of Hubby and tell her to make up her couch because hubby needs a place to sleep until both of them learn how to respect YOU.. Should go over well.

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IncandescentBun - NTA. But everyone else is. Your husband should be standing up FOR YOU when his mother’s being like this. You don’t need her negativity. You may want to consider dropping some weight, the dead weight that’s your husband if he won’t be on your side.. Keep with the ‘energy diet’, it’s a great idea! :)

Reasonable_racoon - start showing his family some respect.. Why did he never ask his mother to show you respect?. Why are you with this man?. NTA

ArmNo8807 - Hon, you're in a pretty craptastic marriage if your spouse refuses to stand up for you against his family's mistreatment of you. NTA and please get counseling so you can start to see how poorly you are being treated by your spouse.

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FriendlyMum - NTA but ive got serious concerns about your husbands control issues and his putting your needs second to all of his family and his mother.. ​. ps go hang out at r/JUSTNOMIL

[Reddit User] - NTA. *Anyone* would be 'too sensitive' after the constant digs your mother in law has been subjecting you to. Well, anyone who didn't grow up with the woman and swallow any excuses about that 'just being who she is,' that is.

Tell your husband that any baby plans - or anything else long-term you might have been planning, for that matter - is on hold until the two of you go to counseling, because you're done being told to 'show respect' to people who will not put in that effort for you.

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Exact_Purchase765 - From experience I can assure you, being alone and totally in control of your life is so, so much better than putting up with this s**t.

Johoski - NTA but your 'energy diet' thing is too indirect and doesn't work toward resolving the problem. 'I haven't come to the last few dinners because I am uncomfortable with the way you talk to me and criticize me. I'd like to come, but I am tired of fending off remarks about my weight, fertility, and other things.

These are private, personal matters, and it is unkind to repeatedly criticize me. So, I have chosen to stay home because it's safer and more pleasant for me. I understand that you would like me to return to dinners, but that can only happen if I am no longer a target.'. Also, weekly dinners are a bit much. It's a red flag of enmeshment and control.

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CrankyUncleMorty - NTA. I would call mother in law on speaker phone in front of Hubby and tell her to make up her couch because hubby needs a place to sleep until both of them learn how to respect YOU.. Should go over well.

ArmNo8807 - Hon, you're in a pretty craptastic marriage if your spouse refuses to stand up for you against his family's mistreatment of you. NTA and please get counseling so you can start to see how poorly you are being treated by your spouse.

These opinions sizzle, but are they fair?

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The OP’s “energy diet” shields her from her MIL’s barbs, but her husband’s lack of support fuels the fire. Would you confront the MIL, rally your partner, or skip the dinners? Share your thoughts and stories—what would you do in her shoes?

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