AITA for telling my little brother that he can come live with me anytime he wants because of his stepdad?

Tension crackles in a small family home, where a 16-year-old boy dreams of escape from his stepdad’s harsh words. The air feels thick with unspoken resentment, as Miles, a bright teen, confides in his older sibling about his struggles. His 24-year-old brother, living independently, steps up with a heartfelt offer: a safe haven away from the chaos. But when their mom overhears, her reaction sets off a firestorm of accusations and threats, leaving everyone on edge.

This story unfolds in a world where family ties are tested by clashing loyalties and tough choices. Miles’ plea for a better life pulls at heartstrings, while his sibling’s bold move stirs up questions about responsibility and love. Readers can’t help but wonder: is it right to challenge a parent’s authority to protect a loved one?

‘AITA for telling my little brother that he can come live with me anytime he wants because of his stepdad?’

For context, I’m 24 and live on my own.. My little brother Miles is 16 and living with our mom and stepdad.. Miles has had problems in the home, including yelling with his stepdad and mom. From what miles has told me, his stepdad is verbally abusive to him including telling him that he’s not his real son,

and that he should get a job and move out as soon as possible. I was talking to my brother yesterday and he told me that he is so tired of living there and that he wishes he could live with me. (We can bubble with people here now because of Covid).

Apparently our mom heard him saying that he wants to come live with me because she got upset with him and called me saying that he could never come live with me because I’m “irresponsible” and not his “real parent.” I told her that I’ve been more of a dad than our real dad (he’s in prison) or his stepdad ever has been,

and she told me that I’m on thin ice and I have to watch my step or I’ll never see him again. I’m conflicted. I know I’m not his parent but I honestly would take him in. His smart and deserves a good life but at the same time I’m not his parent and I know my mom does love him but she makes bad choices in men.. So AITA?

This family saga is a gut-punch of loyalty versus obligation. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes in his work with the Gottman Institute that “emotional safety is critical for healthy family dynamics.” Miles’ stepdad’s verbal attacks, like dismissing him as “not his real son,” erode this safety, pushing the teen toward his sibling for refuge. The OP’s offer, while bold, stems from a protective instinct, though it risks escalating conflict with their mom, who seems caught between defending her son and her marriage.

The clash highlights a broader issue: blended families often struggle with boundaries. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of stepfamilies face conflicts over parenting roles, often leaving teens like Miles feeling caught in the crossfire. The stepdad’s push for Miles to “move out” signals rejection, while the mom’s threat to cut contact with the OP reeks of control rather than care. Both actions sideline Miles’ well-being.

Dr. Gottman’s advice to “turn toward bids for connection” applies here. The OP’s offer is a bid to connect with Miles, but the mom’s reaction shuts it down. A better approach? Open dialogue. The OP could propose a family meeting to air grievances calmly, ensuring Miles’ voice is heard. Documenting interactions, as one Redditor suggested, could also protect Miles if legal steps, like guardianship, become necessary. For now, the OP should keep supporting Miles emotionally, reinforcing his worth without fueling family drama.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of fist bumps and sharp jabs. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, buzzing with support and a dash of snark:

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jasonthefirst − NTA, but... you might want to look into what the legal situation is in your state/country. He is a minor, so I’m not sure at what point it’s truly up to him. You might need to essentially go to court or something but IANAL so take that with a lot of salt.

zgamer200 − NTA - Your mom and your stepdad are. Your stepdad sucks for treating his stepson in such an awful manner and your mom sucks because she's allowing her husband to talk to her kid in such an abusive manner. And lastly, your brother is 16, not 5.

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If he's decided that he's tired of dealing with stepdad's b**lshit and wants to move in with you, he's old enough to make that decision. If anyone is on thin ice it's your mom, because I don't at all doubt that if she doesn't stand up for Miles, assuming that she somehow manages to keep him from moving in with you, he's gonna be out of there the moment he turns 18 and he will never look back.

phdoofus − NTA. Are you sure your mom and step dad just aren't using him for the tax writeoffs. Was his experience similar to yours? If possible, he'll probably need to be emancipated or get you assigned his guardian because he can't just take off.

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Froot-Batz − NTA. 'You'll never see him again.' LOL. Good luck with that, mom. The kid is 16 not 6. Worst case scenario you'd see him again in a year and some change when he turns 18 and he gets kicked the curb by his super awesome father figure. Counter that threat with 'you'll never see me again'.

SeriousMonkey2019 − NTA your brother being 16 means that your mom only has control over him for 2 more years not forever. She should watch it because if your little brother gets to pissed it might mean that she never gets to see him again after the 2 years are up.

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psychstinky − NTA, it sucks that he’s looking for an escape and your mom can’t be bothered to try to make things better and would rather berate you. Keep convos like this documented well in case things get legal

kc2295 − NTA. THANK YOU. Sincerely thank you for loving a kid no one else will. He’s lucky to have you. Good brother. Not an a**hole. I pray you actually get him with you 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Reddoraptor − NTA but you could make the situation worse for him - if you want to extend this offer to him tell him to count the days until he’s 18. You might also tell your mom that her fuckboy is making your brother miserable and has told him he wants him out as soon as possible, and that a caring or decent parent might try to protect their child from being the target of such a person...

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misstiff1971 − Nta, your mom has not provided a stable environment for him. Just be a soft place for him to land if needed.

Pollypocketful − I think you should be asking a lawyer about what your options are instead of asking reddit if you’re an a**hole. she told me that I’m on thin ice and I have to watch my step or I’ll never see him again.

Unless she’s planning to m**der your brother, that’s an empty threat. He’s two years away from legal adulthood; the most she can do is keep him away from you for two years, and even then it would be difficult for her to control a sixteen year old’s movements.

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These Redditors rallied behind the OP, cheering their loyalty while roasting the mom and stepdad’s priorities. Some urged caution, suggesting legal prep, while others saw the mom’s threats as hollow, given Miles’ age. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This story lays bare the messy reality of family loyalty, where love can clash with authority. The OP’s offer to Miles is a lifeline, but navigating their mom’s threats requires careful steps. By fostering open communication and exploring legal options, the OP can keep Miles’ best interests at heart. What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes, balancing family drama with a sibling’s cry for help? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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