AITA for telling my husband to get off his ass and do s**t for himself?

Imagine a kitchen buzzing with the chaos of a 9-month-old’s dinnertime, where a mom juggles plates, purees, and her own fraying nerves. She’s the queen of the household, cooking and cleaning with love, but her husband’s endless requests—grab a drink, whip up dessert—pile on like unwashed dishes. Last night, after a teething toddler’s marathon, she hit her limit, snapping at him to get off his couch and do it himself.

Now, with him sulking in silence, she’s left wondering if her outburst was too sharp. Was she wrong to demand a break, or is this a cry for fairness? Readers, settle in for a story of love, labor, and a marriage teetering on unspoken expectations—where’s the line between teamwork and taking advantage?

‘AITA for telling my husband to get off his ass and do s**t for himself?’

I will try to be quick about this. We have a 9mo daughter. I work from home PT and my husband works full time away from the house. Most domestic labor is my responsibility. He will cook dinner occasionally, he does all garbage and laundry once a week. Everything else is me. I have no issues with being the home maker.

I don't mind cooking (I enjoy it). I don't mind cleaning (I love it). I don't mind being the default parent (I selfishly get more love than he does). It's the extra that pisses me off. So, he will get home from work around 4 and relax with the baby. Usually setting her on the couch beside him or on the floor in front of him, while I make him a plate of dinner.

When he eats, I feed the baby. I eat after she does (I can't eat dinner right after I've made it. It might be an eating disorder, I have no idea, but it physically makes me ill). He goes outdoors to work on his projects around 6pm. Around 8pm he goes and sits at his computer and either games or watches YouTube.

During this time if I ask him to hold the baby for literally any reason at all, he starts asking me to do s**t for him. Heat him up more food, make him cookies, grab him something from his truck, get him a drink, etc. Every single time, never fails. S**t that he absolutely could have done himself before I passed off the baby OR could still do even, while holding the baby.

On the off chance that I get to

But last night I was touched out. The baby had just gone 3 days teething and cranky. I was irritated. I didn't want to be touched, looked at or breathed on. I made a big dinner. I served him. I fed the baby. I bathed the baby. He asked me to make desert with him, so I do, just to do 80% of the work and not have any (I don't like chocolate or ice cream).

I pass the baby off to literally go to the bathroom and he goes

He then goes

If you're that incapable than we have some big issues that need to be addressed.

Parenting’s a team sport, but this mom’s playing solo—and she’s exhausted. She handles most home duties, cherishing her role, but her husband’s constant asks—like fetching water while she’s juggling their baby—tip her over the edge. Her snap to “do it himself” was met with humor, then sulking, leaving silence. It’s not just water; it’s respect, or the lack of it.

He sees his requests as small, leaning on her homemaker role, but she’s drowning in “extras.” His pouty retreats—especially after a bad day—hint at guilt-tripping, intentional or not. She’s touched-out, a common postpartum feeling, yet he misses the cue. Meanwhile, she’s enabling the cycle by always stepping up.

This mirrors a broader issue: unequal domestic loads. A 2023 Pew Research study found 59% of mothers in dual-income homes do more childcare than fathers, often leading to resentment. Dr. John Gottman, a marriage expert, says, “Small bids for connection—like helping without being asked—build trust.” Here, he’s bidding for service, not partnership.

They need a reset. A calm talk—maybe over coffee, baby napping—could split tasks clearer: he cooks twice weekly, or bathes the baby. She could pause before jumping in, letting him problem-solve. Readers, how do you share the load at home? Join the chat below.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t mince words on this one, dishing out takes spicier than a homemade curry. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered vibe:

Special_Lemon1487 − You are so NTAH. What did his last servant die of? He needs to spend 48 hours alone with the child to figure out how to do his own crap with a baby to watch just like every other parent.

xxbananabreadxx − Nta- your husband is a grown man. There's no reason he can't get off his ass to get his own damn ice water. Unlike your baby who actually doesn't have the capacity to do things for themself. Your husband isn't supporting you the way you need. It's only natural that may stress you out. He's acting like an man child.. WTF you're not an extension of him. That's a weird sketchy thing to say…

AsparagusOverall8454 − So you’ve got two children. How fun.

[Reddit User] − NTA umm are you a wife or indentured servant. Why the hell are you serving him dinner? Did he lose both hands? Seriously your life sounds like you hate yourself.

JarethsBuldge − NTA I'm sorry you have two children. Your husband is being a selfish a**hole. There's no reason why you need to do everything for him. Like you said, you do everything while holding the baby so why can't he do simple s**t like getting water?. This same dude will be on here in 6 months crying about his

Madrugada2010 − You have two children.. Married single motherhood is a sad, lonely, thankless existence.

springtimemoon − People like your mom annoy the life out of me, You work from home, you work in the home & a baby is work, babies are hard little bosses & he can't gve you a toilet break without you doing something for him??. He's sounds deluded,. Time to sit as a chat is needed as your hubby is a man child. Nta could he be jealous of the baby & the time spent on her

Odd_Turnover_5853 − NTA - I'd have lost my s**t pretty instantly with this behaviour. Doesn't sound like he's pulling his weight in the relationship or as a parent

mariruizgar − I guess by his line of thinking you just don't drink water because you can't possibly get a glass of water with a baby in your arms.

Nightnurse23 − And just like that he got out of doing anything for the rest of the night. He is exhibiting

When he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum and marches off in a huff. Believe it or not, you taught him this behaviour by allowing him to continue his life as a teenager with a mummy who does everything for him. Stop doing everything. Stop being a martyr.

Start telling him he needs to cook and clean. He needs to do a couple loads of laundry, washing, drying, folding AND putting it away. Same with the dishes. Feeding the baby, letting you eat unencumbered. Until you stop enabling this behaviour it will continue.

These zingers hit hard, but are they fair, or just fanning the flames? The mom’s at her wit’s end—does her snap make her the hero, or did she misfire?

This kitchen clash leaves us stirring a pot of questions. The mom’s a domestic dynamo, but her husband’s endless asks turned her spark into a flare-up. His silence now feels like a dodge—was she too harsh, or is he coasting on her hustle? Marriage thrives on give-and-take, but where’s the balance here?

We’re craving your stories! Ever snapped under household pressure? How do you split chores with your partner? Spill your thoughts below and let’s dish on making home life fair.

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