AITA For telling my husband that if he had to choose between my self and my daughter during birth to choose me?

At a lively Christmas gathering, one woman’s candid admission about her childbirth fears stirred a storm among friends. Having faced gestational diabetes during her first pregnancy, she asked her husband to choose her life over their unborn baby’s if complications arose—a choice they reaffirmed while planning baby number two. This Reddit tale dives into a raw, emotional debate about love, loss, and preparing for the unthinkable during pregnancy.

Her friends’ shock, labeling her “negative” for prioritizing her survival, left her questioning her stance. Yet, her logic stems from wanting to remain for her daughter and avoid leaving her husband alone. Is she wrong for planning for the worst, or is this a pragmatic act of love? This story unfolds through her Reddit post, sparking a heartfelt discussion.

‘AITA For telling my husband that if he had to choose between my self and my daughter during birth to choose me?’

So my daughter was born 2 years ago, I had a very good pregnancy but develop gestational diabetes at 32 weeks (due to me being overweight I was checking my sugar levels every other day). Due to this my OBGYN schedule a cesarean I didn’t have any issues with this I just wanted my baby to be born safely.

So before going in to the hospital I talked with my husband that if something where to happened and he needed to choose between myself and our baby to please choose me. He got quiet but said that he agreed and that please let me mother know about what we talked.. Everything went according to plan and both of us where completely fine.

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Now fast forward to now trying for number two and in a Christmas party with my girlfriends the topic was brought up about babys. There’s another friend that is also trying so the topic of conversation was on that for a good hour. When my friend ask me that if I was ready for another 9 months of pregnancy and how I felt.

I answer truthfully cause honestly I was just letting all the fears and doubts go. I said that I do want another baby and that pregnancy doesn’t scare me such as giving birth again. I said that I straight told my husband again that I’m scared that something may happened to me during the birth and in the hopes of giving my daughter a sibling I could leave her without a mother.

That the original agreement stands that he needs to choose me if that’s the case. My friends where disgusted with my thinking and said that i was an a**hole to my husband in asking him to basically kill his baby (those where the exact words), that I was a very negative person and that I needed to rethink my thoughts.

I’m a person that likes to be prepared for the worse case scenario and hope for the best. I didn’t want my husband to be blindsided with who to choose and to have the answer on the spot. Nobody likes to think in what could go wrong specially in a pregnancy but I need to think every possible case that we could encounter.. So Reddit AITA!?

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Childbirth is a deeply personal journey, yet it can spark fierce judgment, as seen in this Reddit story. The woman’s request to prioritize her life over her unborn baby’s reflects a fear of leaving her family, especially her daughter, motherless. Her husband’s agreement shows mutual understanding, but her friends’ disgust reveals a societal taboo: mothers prioritizing themselves. Both sides carry weight—her preparedness versus their view of maternal sacrifice.

This touches on broader issues of maternal autonomy and risk. The CDC reports 700 annual maternal deaths in the U.S., with 50,000 more facing severe complications (source). Her proactive stance aligns with preparing for rare but real risks. Dr. Neel Shah, a maternal health expert, notes, “Empowering women to voice their priorities in childbirth enhances trust and outcomes” (source). Her clear directive eases her husband’s burden in a crisis.

Open communication, as she practiced, is key. Couples might benefit from discussing such scenarios with a counselor or OBGYN to align values.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users brought their A-game, dishing out empathy and sharp takes like a family debate at a reunion. From staunch support to personal stories, the comments are a lively mix. Here they are:

PrometheusMadLad - NTA- it's your f**king life. You can make another baby, there can't be another you. Also, if your Husband agreed, it's none of their buisness

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JohnnyIsHomicidal - NTA I told my husband the same thing and he agreed with me.

HeyScrewUGuys - NTA.. If more people put themselves and spouses first there wouldn’t be so many fucked up homes and kids

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OneTwoWee000 - My friends where disgusted with my thinking and said that i was an a**hole to my husband in asking him to basically kill his baby F**k that. If it comes down to it, they’re saying he should choose to let his wife — you OP — die. You should have turned it right back around on them, asking if they’re saying you should die in a high risk delivery.. NTA

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your husband’s opinion and your opinion are the only ones that matter here - and yours even more than his.

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Daytripsinsidecars - NTA. Doctors will make this decision for you anyway.. OBGYNS save mother first. Baby second.

tourmaline82 - NTA! I hate the modern parenting culture where mothers are expected to always martyr themselves, where her health and her needs are totally ignored in favor of the baby. It's dehumanizing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to live.

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blessedwiththree - NTA! Maybe I am different than most, but this is a conversation I had before giving birth as well. No one wants to think about these things, but I wanted to be prepared. No one wants to lose their baby or their spouse, although rare, these are possibilities during childbirth. I became especially opinionated on this after having more than one child because if I died then not only would I have a child / children at home,

there would potentially be a brand new baby without a mom and a husband without a wife, parenting all of the kids alone. Everyone is entitled to their own perspective, but don't feel bad that you and your family decided what was right for your situation because they aren't the ones that would have had to live with it.

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purplegirl1511 - NTA. This is a good conversation to have, and takes a ton of pressure off of him in an emergency situation. Good on you.

nxxbmaster69 - NTA. It’s a really hard choice. My dad faced a similar call when I was born and he chose me. My mom ended up living but she has resented him ever since. They were divorced by the time I was 2.

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These hot takes defend her choice but question societal norms—do they capture the full complexity of this emotional dilemma?

This Reddit saga reveals the raw fears and tough choices tied to childbirth, where one woman’s plea to survive sparked backlash but also understanding. Her desire to stay for her family clashes with expectations of maternal sacrifice, highlighting the need for open dialogue. What would you do if faced with this choice? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate tough talks about pregnancy risks?

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