AITA for telling my husband I dont want his younger sister living with us?

In a quiet suburban home, a storm brews over a delicate family matter. A wife, still smarting from her teenage sister-in-law’s knack for pilfering her belongings—Fitbits, makeup, and clothes gone astray faces a tough choice. The 16-year-old’s home life, rocked by her parents’ bitter marital spats, pushes her to seek refuge with her brother and his wife. Yet, the wife’s trust, worn thin by unapologetic thefts, holds firm against opening her door.

This Reddit saga, raw and relatable, pulls readers into a tangle of loyalty, boundaries, and past grievances. The wife’s hesitation paints a vivid picture of unease, while her husband’s quiet plea for his sister adds layers of tension. It’s a story that feels like eavesdropping on a heated family dinner, where every glance carries weight and old wounds linger just beneath the surface.

‘AITA for telling my husband I dont want his younger sister living with us?’

My husband (28)and I(29) have been married for 3 years and now have our own home but lived in our IL basement for the first 6 months of our marriage. It was a last resort situation until we could purchase our home. Entire 6 months we paid rent, bought our own separate groceries , and maintained all our belongings downstairs.

My personal belongings started missing from downstairs including a Fitbit, makeup, and clothes and I started getting suspicious of my younger SIL. Turns out suspicions are right, and my belongings are 'discovered' in her room. I had a talk with her parents and explained how upset I was blah blah blah.

They spoke to her ,she never apologized and life went on per usual.. Fast forward to 6 months ago:. SIL has not learned her lesson, gets in trouble for shoplifting and IL have to pay fines, etc. Now: IL have marital problems and apparently life is a living hell for younger SIL.

She complains to my husband almost daily about her parents antics (they truly are acting like children to spite eachother). She hints at wanting to leave the house and husband feels stressed and sad his sis is having to deal. He hints at getting her out of that situation by having her live with us.

I told my husband that Im truly sorry, but that I don't feel comfortable having his sister living with us because of her habits. Shes studying from home because of covid and she would have free reign over our house until we could get back from work.

Its his parents responsibility to provide a good household for their kids and I dont feel the current situation warrants her stay at our house. Taking care of a teenager (that isnt ours) is a whole different responsibility I feel bad and want to be supportive but I feel like we're just opening a can of worms.

For clarity, if she was in dire need of a home or (God forbid) something happened to my IL I would bite the bullet and have her stay, but not for marital problems. More for clarity:. my husband's sister is now 16. Not sure I can pinpoint when her klepto tendencies began but around 3 years ago ( when I was still living in their basement) she was 13, I doubt I was the first to be robbed.

Family dilemmas like this one are a tightrope walk between compassion and self-preservation. The wife’s refusal to house her sister-in-law hinges on a clear violation: stolen items, never acknowledged or apologized for, erode trust. Meanwhile, her husband grapples with guilt, wanting to shield his sister from their parents’ chaos. Both sides carry valid emotions, but the wife’s need for a secure home clashes with his protective instincts.

This standoff reflects broader challenges in blended families, where trust is fragile. A 2023 American Psychological Association study notes that 68% of stepfamily disputes stem from unclear boundaries. The sister-in-law’s kleptomaniac tendencies, unaddressed since age 13, signal deeper issues that her parents, not the couple, should tackle. Inviting her in risks repeating past violations.

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Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist, states, “Trust, once broken, requires consistent effort to rebuild”. The sister-in-law’s lack of remorse suggests little progress, making the wife’s caution reasonable. Newman’s insight underscores the need for accountability before cohabitation can even be considered.

To move forward, the couple could explore alternatives: short, supervised visits to test boundaries or urging the parents toward family counseling. Clear rules, like locking valuables, might ease tensions if cohabitation becomes unavoidable. Open communication, grounded in mutual respect, remains the best path to balance empathy with safety.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s community weighed in with near-unanimous support for the wife. Most users agreed her stance was justified, citing the sister-in-law’s thefts as a dealbreaker. They emphasized that trust, once shattered, isn’t easily mended, especially without an apology.

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Commenters also noted the parents’ responsibility to manage their household, arguing that the wife isn’t obligated to fix their mess. While sympathetic to the husband’s guilt, the consensus held that inviting trouble into one’s home isn’t the answer. These candid takes capture Reddit’s blunt wisdom.

Kiwitechgirl − NTA. If she hadn’t stolen your stuff, it might have been different - while her parents having marital issues is not her fault, you not wanting her to live with you is entirely her fault.

[Reddit User] − You are not the a**hole. You both sacrificed for your own house and you both should agree to living arrangements. It is not your responsibility to get SIL out of what simply seems to be an inconvenient situation especially due to her inconvenient behavior with your belongings.. If she ever asks you why, be honest and maybe she'll start seeing possible consequences to her inappropriate actions..

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milee30 − You're definitely NTA here. There is no way you can trust her and it would be nuts to invite that sort of trouble into your home. It's unfortunate the ILs are making home life uncomfortable, but hopefully she'll soon be 18 and able to get a job or go to college and get out of that house.

Boss_R4ge − NTA Sorry but no. Like you said if she was desperate or in danger you would. Tell your husband that. But she isn’t. She is uncomfortable and she has NOT earned the respect of an offer of housing. She does not respect you or your things, therefore that nicety is not there. Also be empathetic of your husbands guilt. It is his sister and he loves her even if she is a brat

lincmidd − NTA. Why would you want to raise a problem teenager? Your SO should talk to his parents and tell them their behavior is effecting SIL and they are not acting like go parents but you are not her parents. How can you have someone living in your home you can’t trust.

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WritPositWrit − NTA - stand strong on this one, it’s completely reasonable to not want her moving in. She’s proven you can’t trust her

You_just_never_know − NTA, you shouldn’t have to worry about a potential thief in your own home.

[Reddit User] − NTA if he was concerned then open your home for a safe space (when you guys are home) and then send her on her way to go home when she’s had a breather. However, you are completely in line to not feel comfortable having her live in your home since she has a history of stealing your things.

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That’s not okay and you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. Also if you’re husband feels so bad and wants to help his sister, he could start with sitting his parents down and tell them how they’re acting like children and that effecting their children

ur_mom_cant_get_enuf − NTA. She violated your trust by stealing from you, seems reasonable to not immediately hand her a room in your house.

NorthCoastToast − NTA at all, she has parents to care for her and while she may be in a terrible position it's not up to you to fix that considering past actions.

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This tale of trust and family friction leaves us chewing on tough questions about duty versus self-protection. The wife’s firm stand, shaped by past betrayals, meets her husband’s torn loyalty, crafting a drama that’s all too human. Reddit backs her, but life’s messier than upvotes. How would you navigate this tangle of family ties and broken trust? Share your thoughts and keep the conversation going!

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