AITA for telling my husband he cared more about his bathroom time then his own his own kid?

In a bustling household with two kids and a packed schedule, a wife’s frustration erupted like a pot left too long on the stove. Juggling two jobs to support her husband’s part-time work and their 50/50 custody of his 11-year-old daughter, she noticed his nightly disappearances into the bathroom—hours that stole precious moments from his kids. When he blamed her for his lack of time with his daughter, her sharp words about his bathroom obsession sparked a silent standoff.

This Reddit tale, raw with emotion, pulls readers into a family teetering on unspoken tensions. It’s not just about a bathroom—it’s about priorities, parenting, and what might be hiding behind a locked door. Her outburst, though heated, reflects a cry for fairness in a home stretched thin. Let’s dive into the drama and unpack the truth.

‘AITA for telling my husband he cared more about his bathroom time then his own his own kid?’

I (27f) am married to a man (34m). Together we have 2 children. His daughter (11), and a son we shared (4). We’ve been married for 6 years. We have the older girl on a 50/50 schedule. The way it works out,she is at our house typically 3-4 nights a week and then her mother’s house the same amount of time.

A BIG area of conflict between my husband and I is that he feels he doesn’t get enough time with his child. We fight about it all the time. And I’m. Not really sure how to help him with this. He has been divorced for 10 years and the custody schedule he has had been in place since long before I came into the picture.

Years. Recently he has been working only part time so he is off 100% of the time she is here, even if she’s at school. And I took a second job so we could work the logistics financially. Because I really wanted to help him with this. Our day to day schedule looks a lot like I get up with the kids and get them off to school, then I go to work.

Since Hubby has to be at work at 5am the days he works I let him sleep in when he is off. The kids do after care after school until I get off from work I go pick them up around 4:45pm. When we get home hubby will talk to the kids about 10-15 minutes while I walk the dogs.

Then my Son will watch tv while my SD (step daughter) and I will do her homework. My husband will take this as an opportunity to go to the bathroom. Around 5:30-6 I’ll start cooking dinner while SD and son play. At this point every single day my husband is still in The bathroom.

Around 6:30 I will knock and tell Him dinner is on the table, it takes him roughly 15-20 minutes to come to eat with us. As soon as dinner is over he excuses himself back into the bathroom. The kids and I clean the kitchen and then they do their baths etc and around 8:30 I will knock again for him to come tuck in our son.

Husband and SD will hang out for about an hour while I do the house chores and then I will go walk SD up to bed and hubby will take his shower and go to bed himself. I walk the dogs again and then do the same.

So the other night my husband told my SD she didn’t have to go to bed on time and I pulled him aside and reminded him she had a big test the next day and past performance has proven she needs effective rest the night before.

After she went to bed we had another all out fight over how he feels it’s my fault he never spends time with her. I yelled at him that if he didn’t spend HOURS every night in the bathroom he would have more time with her while she is awake. Obviously something else is going on with him because if he even cared about her he would make time for her the way I do.

ADVERTISEMENT

He has not spoken to me in 4 days even though I have tried to say I’m sorry so many times so I know I really hurt him. I think I may be the AH because I know this is the one thing he is most insecure about and I threw it into his face in a moment of anger.. So… AITA?

Spending hours in the bathroom while kids wait isn’t just odd—it’s a red flag. This wife’s confrontation with her husband highlights a deeper issue: unequal parenting and potential avoidance behavior. His part-time work leaves ample time to bond with his daughter, yet he vanishes, blaming his wife for a custody arrangement set long before their marriage. Her calling him out, while harsh, stems from carrying the family’s load alone.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes in The Gottman Institute, “Unresolved perpetual problems, like avoidance, erode trust in relationships.” The husband’s bathroom retreats suggest possible health issues or addiction, as Reddit speculated, while his defensiveness deflects accountability. The wife’s second job and childcare duties amplify her justified frustration.

ADVERTISEMENT

A 2021 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 62% of couples with unequal parenting loads report conflict over time allocation, often masking deeper issues like avoidance or addiction. The husband’s silence post-fight suggests shame or denial, not resolution.

Dr. Gottman advises addressing perpetual problems through open, non-judgmental dialogue. The wife could request a candid talk about his bathroom habits, exploring health or emotional concerns. Couples counseling might uncover root causes, ensuring both parents prioritize the kids.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew stormed in like nosy neighbors, tossing theories and support with equal gusto. From suspecting addiction to cheering the wife’s stand, their comments are a spicy mix of concern and shade—think a family cookout where everyone’s got a theory.

ADVERTISEMENT

personofpaper − NTA. You're working two jobs and doing the cooking and the bulk of the childcare and he's ... pooping? Unless you're putting laxatives in his food, I fail to see how any of this is your fault.

420eastcoastbarbie − NTA. Hate to break it to you, but your husband is either having an affair, is on drugs, or has an online gambling, or porn addiction. There’s nothing else he is doing in that bathroom. His getting angry is deflecting from his wrong doing. The angrier he is, the less you’ll question what he’s doing. Whatever he is doing, it’s absolutely, definitely, 100% shady.

meagan_gill − NTA, you’re literally doing absolutely everything for both of the kids and he eats with y’all and hangs out with her for an hour. Does he even spend time with your son?? He needs to go to the doctor since he literally cannot participate in your life

ADVERTISEMENT

talelmar − So the man spends 3-4 hours in the bathroom every night and then he complains that he doesn't spend enough time with his own daughter? NTA. You are actually a Saint to work with this situation for so long without throwing it to his face.

[Reddit User] − NTA if he doesn’t have a chronic gastro or digestive condition, then honest question: do you suspect he’s on drugs? For ref, I dated a heroin addict for a year and a half, and he had similar behaviors.

Independent-Act3560 − NTA so on the days he doesn't work he sleeps in you work 2 jobs, cook, clean, walk the dogs, help kids with homework, bathe them and get them to bed. He spends 15 to 20 minutes at beginning of evening to talk to kids then dinner.

ADVERTISEMENT

The rest of time in bathroom. He is either watching porn or has a serious digestive issue, which I would think he would have told you.. Either way he is not pulling his weight, he is letting you do it for him.

DepressedPop − NTA Are you sure that he doesn’t have a health issue or a possible addiction he is hiding? Hours a night in the restroom followed by a shower is very concerning.

If he has no health issues there is another explanation because no one spends that much time in there, no one. You’re saying 5-7 bathroom and then another hour+ after dinner. Something is wrong. Hope you get this figured out, but I see you doing nothing wrong.

ADVERTISEMENT

kimjong_unsbarber − So basically, you have 3 kids and the eldest kid (husband) is on drugs. NTA.

Adventure-ru − NTA. Please leave him. You work 2 jobs, you take care of the kids, the house and the dogs. Clearly you also take care of the bills.. And he contributes... blame, resentment, stress, arguments, and absolutely nothing else.

WHY are you with him?? If he resents you for not spending time with his kid, while working only part time hours and spending all evening in the bathroom, he is GASLIGHTING you and making his issues your fault. That's disgusting. Stop being an AH to yourself and demand better for yourself.

ADVERTISEMENT

Milo_and_Elvis − So… it’s drugs. Or some kind of other addiction. That or he’s dying. I’m going with ESH because I’ve been reading your recommends and… I must say, *holy crap* are you in denial. To the point that you’re being an a**hole to yourself and your kids. Being a good Christian man doesn’t mean he’s incapable of horrible things.

There was a time when you two wouldn’t have ever been allowed to marry because *good Christian* men wouldn’t be allowed to divorce their wives. Seriously, something is very wrong in your home and you need to pull your head out of the sand and face it. Demand answers. Let him file for separation if he want to. At this point you’d be doing yourself and those kids a favor.

These Redditors backed the wife, slamming her husband’s priorities and speculating on his secretive habits. But do their bold takes nail the issue, or are they just stirring the pot?

ADVERTISEMENT

This wife’s outburst lays bare the strain of unbalanced parenting and hidden issues. Her husband’s bathroom escapes aren’t just quirky—they’re a barrier to family connection, leaving her to pick up the slack. The story challenges us to rethink priorities and confront avoidance head-on. Have you ever clashed with a partner over family time? What would you do in this wife’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *