AITA for telling my hiking buddy he needs to stop inviting his roommate along or I’ll stop inviting him?

The crunch of leaves underfoot and the whisper of wind through towering pines—hiking was their sanctuary, a way to escape the city’s concrete grip. For one urban dweller, these treks were a lifeline, stitching their mental health back together with every step. But when their trusted hiking buddy, James, started dragging along his chatty, ill-prepared roommate, the trail turned from tranquil to tiresome. What happens when a peaceful retreat becomes a social tug-of-war, and how do you reclaim your space without burning bridges?

The tension peaked on a crisp Saturday, when the roommate’s endless complaints drowned out the birdsong. Frustrated, the hiker issued an ultimatum: leave the roommate behind, or the hikes are solo. Now, caught between personal boundaries and a friend’s loyalty, the situation begs the question—where’s the line between self-care and selfishness?

‘AITA for telling my hiking buddy he needs to stop inviting his roommate along or I’ll stop inviting him?’

About 2 years ago I took up hiking again, I grew up in a rural area where I would do it all the time but I moved to a large city for work so there wasn't much hiking to do. Well turns out the city made my mental wellbeing decline and hiking made that way better guess it has a lot to do with growing up with loads of nature,

and now living surrounded by concrete, so I started taking long drives to areas I wanted to go at least once every 2 months(A lot more if possible). A friend James noticed I dissapeared once in a while and asked me what I was doing so I explained it, he asked if he could come along and I agreed, since then he comes along most of the time.

Usually I am not a big fan of taking anyone along, to drive that point home, I dislike even taking my GF on hikes. The reason I am fine with James coming is largely because he is there for the same reasons, to unwind, walk, take in the view and most importantly, he doesn't talk my head off which is what most people do.

With Corona I now have way more time to hike, so we have been going weekly, we go in seperate cars and keep . Well a month ago he asked if he could bring his roommate along, I said fine, I mean, whats the worst that could happen?

This dude was annoying as hell, complaining about being tired after 15 minutes these hikes are usually at least 4 hours long, put on the wrong shoes, brought nothing to eat or drink and JUST WOULD NOT SHUT UP, literally the entire hike this dude was bitching about his work and I even straight up asked him to tone it down.

Afterwards I told James that if he wanted his friend to keep coming he needed to get him to brong the proper stuff and to, well, shut up frankly. Next time, same thing, I asked James not to take him again but James took him anyways, according to James the dude invited himself basically and James felt bad because apparantly his roommate is depressed,

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and has no friends near since he only moved there a few months ago so he looks forward to these walks the entire week.We went again last saturday and again his roommate was there and I noticed I now legit dislike these hiked so I told James to stop inviting his roommate or I'll go back to solo hikes.

James got mad since he loves the hikes but feels like I am putting him in a position where he gets on bad terms with his roommate and will hurt his feelings, meanwhile I think he needs a spine since he clearly also ain't enjoying having him along. Soyou guys tell me.

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This hiking saga is less about trails and more about navigating personal boundaries. The hiker craves solitude, while James juggles loyalty to both a friend and a struggling roommate. It’s a classic clash of individual needs versus group dynamics.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in his book The Relationship Cure (available on Family Psychology), “Clear boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, as they define where one person ends and another begins.” The hiker’s need for quiet aligns with their mental health, a priority backed by studies showing nature reduces stress (see American Psychological Association). The roommate’s chatter disrupts this, making the hiker’s frustration valid.

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James’s empathy for his depressed roommate complicates things. Mental health challenges, affecting 1 in 5 adults annually (per NAMI), can foster guilt-driven decisions, like James inviting his roommate. Yet, the hiker’s boundary isn’t unkind—it’s self-preservation. A sarcastic nod to James: wanting to help is noble, but playing therapist on a hike isn’t the answer.

The solution? The hiker could suggest James and the roommate hike separately, preserving their own peace. Direct communication with the roommate, as one Redditor suggested, might also clarify expectations without James as the middleman. This balances empathy with personal needs, fostering healthier interactions.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fist bumps and sharp takes. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the trail:

TypicalManagement680 − NTA Go without James, he can go with his roommate.

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RoamingAmber − You're NTA for wanting to enjoy your hike with whomever you want to (or don't want to, in this case). James can continue to hike with his roommate if he doesn't want the guy feeling left out, or he can throw you under the bus and tell him you've made the request just to have some James time to yourself.

-Quaint- − NTA. It is a privilege for James to go with you, not a right. Nothing is stopping him from going on his own with his roommate either.

Puppyjito − NTA. You're fine hiking alone. If James wants to hike with his roommate he can do it without you.

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Himalayankitten − NTA. Why is he even telling his roommate where he is going? You do not invite yourself along that is etiquette 101.

holyfatfish − NTA but why not tell roommate yourself? Doesn't matter to you if he HATES you and it keeps James out of the doghouse

JojoCruz206 − It sounds like hiking is a meditative activity for you (me as well). I don’t like a lot of prattle. It gives me time to clear my head. I would have one last conversation with the roommate and explain it to him in these terms.

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If you were meditating, would he constantly be interrupting the quiet? Otherwise NTA. If James wants to hike with the roommate, he can continue to do so. Not your problem. As it was, you allowed James to invite him and now the roommate has outworn his welcome.

chubby-wench − NTA, uninvited roomie looks forward to these hikes but complains the entire time? Heck no. James and his roommate can go on their own hikes. Go solo and enjoy the peace.

These-Coat-3164 − NTA. But it looks like he and the roommate may be a package deal at this point, which means that disinviting the roommate means you will be back to solo hikes. The only drawback there is that it’s safer to hike in pairs.

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[Reddit User] − NAH. It’s not about having or not having a spine, though, your friend is being empathetic towards his roommate which is understandable. However, that’s not your problem.

He obviously prefers hanging out with you over his roommate which is why he doesn’t want to just go hiking with his roommate and instead wants to go with you as well. However, this is obviously a therapeutic experience for you, and you are in no way the a**hole for refusing to compromise that.

These Redditors rallied behind the hiker, cheering their stand for solo serenity or suggesting James hike separately with his roommate. Some called out James’s lack of backbone, while others saw his empathy as a factor. But do these spicy opinions capture the full picture, or are they just kindling for the drama fire?

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This tale of trails and tensions shows how quickly a sanctuary can turn sour when boundaries blur. The hiker’s ultimatum wasn’t just about a chatty roommate—it was about reclaiming mental peace. James’s loyalty to his roommate is admirable, but it shouldn’t trump the hiker’s needs. Balancing empathy and self-care is tricky, but clear communication could save the day. What would you do if your sacred space was invaded by an uninvited guest? Share your thoughts—how do you draw the line?

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