AITA for telling my half sister she and her siblings can figure out s**t with dad on their own?

Picture this: a family torn by loss, stitched back together with fragile threads, only to unravel again in a whirlwind of drama. A 36-year-old woman and her brother, still haunted by the ghost of their late mother, face a dad who’s made a career out of speed-running relationships. When their father’s second wife passes, the half-siblings come knocking, desperate for backup to stop him from replacing her—again. But our heroine, seasoned by years of emotional tug-of-war, isn’t here for the circus. With a shrug and a sharp tongue, she tells them to sort it out solo.

Can you feel the tension simmering? The weight of a dad’s cold mantra—“leave the past behind”—clashing with the raw grief of kids who just won’t forget? This messy, blended family saga has Reddit buzzing, and we’re diving in to unpack the chaos, the karma, and the question: is she the asshole for walking away?

‘AITA for telling my half sister she and her siblings can figure out s**t with dad on their own?’

Here’s the raw scoop, straight from the Reddit trenches. A family fractured by a father’s relentless quest to “replace” loved ones collides with half-siblings blindsided by his latest move. Buckle up for the original post:

I (36f) have a brother (38m) and we have three half siblings from our dad's second marriage (25f, 23m and 21m). My brother and I lost our mom as kids. Our dad took a year and told us that was 'enough time hanging onto the past'. He remarried within the year of saying that (so a little under 2 years after the death of our mom).

He told us once people die they need to be left in the past after a period of time and you work on filling their role and replacing them as much as you possibly can. The whole thing was gross. He would become extremely frustrated when we did not 'leave mom in the past'. His second wife was also part of this mindset. It worked for her so she really pushed for us to do the same.

When she was pregnant with half sister she told us it would be unfair for the baby to be born into an ununited family and that my brother and I had to accept she was our mom now and she had taken her place. Dad was cheering her on with that little talk. My brother and I were never close to our half siblings. They picked up a lot of their parents attitude about 'we should leave mom in the past and let second wife be mom'.

They blamed us for others knowing we were not a true nuclear family and instead were a blended family. I never cared, my brother enjoyed seeing dad and second wife have egg in their face when they would claim we were her kids and people knew because of us that she was a stepmother at best but more like a dad's wife.

Second wife died a few months ago and half siblings all believed dad would be widowered for the rest of his life and not remarry because he loved their mom so much... They wanted to talk to him about having one of them live with him or for him to live with half sister... He told them he was already looking for his replacement wife.

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Half siblings went nuts and tried to involve my brother and me but this is nothing to do with us. Neither of us have talked to dad in almost two decades. We hardly talk to them even. My half sister decided she wanted a face to face talk about this with me where she tried to say 'as the only two girls' and how unfair it was to her mom for dad to replace her.

She told me we need to get on board and help them with dad and figure out how to stop him. I told her that was none of our concern and dad replaced my mom so I wouldn't care if he replaced someone I never cared about. She told me I should care and her mom did an amazing job with my brother and me.

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I told her she and her brothers are adults and are way older than brother and I were when we lost mom and dad remarried, so they can figure s**t out with dad without us. I also reiterated I would not lend any assistance with this.. I was told I was a s**tty sister, person, daughter and that I f**king suck.. AITA?

Navigating a blended family can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield—especially when a parent’s playbook is “replace, don’t grieve.” This dad’s rush to remarry after loss, twice over, has left scars on all sides. The original poster (OP) and her brother, still tender from losing their mom, faced a father and stepmom who demanded they erase her memory. Now, the half-siblings, reeling from their own mother’s death, beg for unity to block dad’s next wedding. Ironic, right? The same “move on” mantra they once echoed now bites back.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in a 2018 Psychology Today article, “Grief is not a race; forcing closure fractures bonds more than it builds them” (Source). Here, dad’s insistence on swapping out spouses like old shoes ignored the kids’ need to process loss. OP’s refusal to jump in? It’s a boundary, not betrayal—self-preservation after years of being sidelined.

Let’s zoom out: blended families often grapple with loyalty conflicts, with 40% of stepfamilies facing tension over roles, per the National Stepfamily Resource Center (Source). The half-siblings’ plea reeks of desperation, but their past alignment with dad’s “replace” philosophy undercuts their case. OP’s not wrong to step back—empathy’s tough when you’ve been dismissed.

So, what’s the move? Experts suggest clear communication: OP could calmly restate her stance, offering empathy without entanglement. For the half-siblings, therapy—solo or family—could untangle this grief knot.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid, cheeky, and ready to roast. When karma swings a 2×4, you know the comments are golden:

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[Reddit User] - NTA Some people can not be alone and your father seems to fit into that category. Whether or not your father marries for a third time is his decision. He didn't care what his children felt about remarrying after his first wife died, what makes your half-siblings think this time will be any different? You are all adults and it's not a problem that has to be 'solved' and you told your sister as much.

Careless-Ability-748 - Nta your father and stepmother were AH. People can move on with their lives but to say you should forget about someone and replace them is gross. And your half siblings are now experiencing what you went through. I wonder why they thought your dad would be any different now?

jrm1102 - NTA- what in the goldfish memory is this? They forgot that their step dad had already shown he had no problem remarrying? You’re right, definitely not your circus, not your monkeys.

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SoImaRedditUserNow - Um no, NTA. IT amazes me sometimes how utterly oblivious people can be when irony, karma, whatever you want to call it just smacks them in the face like a dead fish tied to a 2x4. I am baffled that, rather than finally thinking 'ohhhhhhh, wow i finally get where 'OP' and her brother were coming from.

We should probably discuss this, and maybe I should apologize' (Or something along those lines), she Instead goes down the path of denial, and 'but its DIFFERENT in this case' (i.e. its different because the stepfamily is the one affected now).. ​. Sorry about this situation. I understand the no contact.

harleybidness - NTA. There is no such thing as replacing a loved one. Remarrying is adding someone to your life. Not subtracting the loved one. Father made a terrible mistake insisting that the boys replace their mother. It isn't possible. We can love another, but we can't replace love lost.

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Psycho_Bunny_Cutie - 'now you know how we felt when our mom died and yours moved in.' NTA and I'm so very sorry that your father has that kind of mindset about people. Would he have the same reaction to losing one of you?

ironchef8000 - NTA. Karma can hit hard sometimes. It’s beyond hypocrisy for them to now - on the short end of a raw deal - magically come around when it suits them. And then try to drag you in, too. Wow.

Thingamajiggles - you work on filling their role and replacing them as much as you possibly can. The whole thing was gross.. Yep, that's pretty gross.. I was told I was a s**tty sister, person, daughter and that I f**king suck.

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You're not a s**tty sister, person, daughter, and you definitely don't f**king suck. You're fine. You've got healthy boundaries and you're enforcing them. Good for you! Let them know you've filled their roles and replaced them with people who respect and care about you. NTA.

BatpigMama - NTA, karma for them. Remind them of how important that mindset was to their mom, they wouldn’t want to dissapoint her. Make sure they leave their mom in the past and stop hanging on to her .

Altruistic_You737 - NTA and honestly I bloody love this. I always say that the second partners should consider how quickly the first was replaced and just remember it will happen to them and their kids too but they always think that ‘their love is different/special’. Well clearly that’s b**lshit.. And I love that Karma is hitting your siblings and dad in the face.. Have a great day.

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These are the Reddit crowd’s spicy takes, but do they hold up? Is this a case of cosmic justice or just a family stuck in a loop of lousy coping?

What a rollercoaster—grief, hypocrisy, and a dad speed-dating through widows like it’s a sport. Our OP’s drawn a line in the sand, leaving her half-siblings to wrestle with dad’s “replace and repeat” routine. It’s a messy tale of boundaries, karma, and clashing loyalties, served with a side of Reddit snark. But where do you land? What would you do if you were caught between a dad’s cold logic and a half-sister’s plea? Drop your thoughts, feelings, or wild family stories below—let’s get this chat popping!

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