AITA for telling my girlfriend’s friend I won’t hang out with her when she is drunk again?

Being put in an uncomfortable situation by someone you trust can instantly change how safe a social circle feels. In this case, a young man found himself shocked when his girlfriend’s close friend crossed a line during a night of drinking, doing so directly in front of his partner and mutual friends.

What makes the situation more complicated is what happened afterward. Instead of cutting ties completely, he chose a middle ground: remaining friendly while refusing to be around her when alcohol was involved. That decision, however, sparked pushback and accusations of being unfair and unwilling to forgive. As emotions cooled and opinions poured in, the story opened a broader discussion about second chances, accountability, and whether being drunk truly excuses behavior that makes others uncomfortable.

‘AITA for telling my girlfriend’s friend I won’t hang out with her when she is drunk again?’

The evening took an unexpected turn when a night of drinking crossed a clear line.

My(23m) gf(21)'s friend(21f) got drunk and did something really shocking. She kissed me on the neck, right in front of my girlfriend.

After discussing it privately, the poster decided to set a clear condition going forward.

We were both caught off guard, and so were all the mutual friends there. The next day, after talking to my girlfriend, I told her friend that we can still...

The response he received left him questioning whether he was being unreasonable.

So I won't be joining any other parties from now on. She is upset, telling me she 'only misbehaved once' and I should learn to give people second chances.

This situation revolves around personal boundaries and how they are enforced after a breach. The poster’s reaction reflects an attempt to balance maintaining peace within a social group while protecting his relationship and personal comfort. By choosing not to fully cut ties, he signaled that he was open to continued interaction under specific conditions.

From another perspective, the girlfriend’s friend appears to frame the incident as a one-time mistake caused by alcohol. For some people, intoxication is seen as a mitigating factor, and they expect forgiveness when behavior is attributed to impaired judgment. This viewpoint often emphasizes intent rather than impact, which can create tension when the affected person feels dismissed.

On a broader social level, the story highlights a growing awareness that discomfort should not be minimized, regardless of gender or circumstance. Setting limits after an inappropriate incident is increasingly seen as a reasonable response rather than an overreaction. The poster’s stance reflects a shift toward prioritizing accountability and clarity, especially within mixed-gender friend groups where misunderstandings can have lasting consequences.

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Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Many users supported the poster’s decision, emphasizing distance after inappropriate behavior.

Wizard_of_Claus − NTA One of my wife's friends and I had a little fling before we got together and we were all still friends after. After a few drinks she'd...

I don't know if it was suppose to make my wife jealous or try to make me see what I was missing or what, but I have zero time for...

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External-Project2017 − “We can still be friends but I won’t hand out with her when she’s drunk again” That’s literally a second chance. So no. You’re NTA

OhmsWay-71 − NTA. When someone is inappropriate, you keep your distance. If your girlfriend confronts her and there is then a sincere apology, I would give it a second chance,...

atealein − NTA. She should learn to respect people's boundaries.

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Neko614 − NTA. She wasn’t misbehaving, she knowingly crossed a boundary and thought she would get a pass because she was drunk. Women like that are pathetic and gross, keep...

Other commenters offered counterpoints while still acknowledging the discomfort.

[Reddit User] − NTA "One misbehavior" "give her a second chance" You are doing exactly that by still being friends. You set a boundary, and if she doesn't respect that,...

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if it *really* was just being drunk, then she shouldn't have a problem with being near when sober, something deeper is definitely in the working given that truths are often...

Honestly, if I was in a "friendship" like that, I'd separate up because clearly she doesn't, one, respect **your** boundaries, but she's OK with the idea of getting close to...

(Maybe I'm just projecting😟) TL;DR, I don't know more than this, so if there's more to the story that makes you think the friendship should still go on, by all...

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Judgement_Bot_AITA − Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might...

I might be the a__hole for what I said to her since I’m not giving her a second chance. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes!

juniper-drops − NTA. All it takes it one situation of false accusations being made and your whole future goes up in flames.

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A few responses were blunt or darkly humorous in tone.

[Reddit User] − If a man did this to your gf she'd call it creepy and a__ault. She's dense af.

Briiiiiiyonce − NTA. That was definitely not going to be the last time her friend did that.

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This story shows how quickly trust can be shaken when someone behaves inappropriately, even once. The poster attempted to find a compromise by keeping contact while removing himself from situations where the risk might repeat. For him, the reaction he received raised questions about fairness and accountability.

Do you think refusing to be around someone while they’re drunk counts as giving a second chance? Where should the line be drawn between forgiveness and self-protection? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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