AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop picking up earthworms in front of my friends?

Picture a soggy park, where a group of old friends stroll around a lake, chuckling and catching up. Among them, a petite woman in vibrant clothes kneels on the wet pavement, cooing to stranded earthworms like they’re old pals. Her boyfriend, torn between adoration and embarrassment, blurts out a plea to “act like adults,” silencing her quirky charm.

This Reddit tale is a delightful mix of love, quirks, and a misstep that dimmed a bright spirit. Was his comment a protective shield or a hurtful jab? It’s a story that twirls through the awkward dance of blending a partner’s eccentricities with social expectations, leaving us to ponder where love meets pride.

‘Aita for telling my girlfriend to stop picking up earthworms in front of my friends?’

This Reddit post spills the details of a boyfriend’s attempt to navigate his girlfriend’s worm-saving passion. Here’s his story, straight from the heart:

My girlfriend (26F) and I (27M) have been dating for 3 months. She's super cool and it's all going really well, so I thought it was time to introduce her to my friends from school back home. Now, some things to note about my girlfriend: she's quite petite, probably about 5ft, and she dresses like - I quote - a 'kids' TV presenter.'

She also gets very excited about things very easily. This means that she often gets read as being a lot younger than she actually is, which can be annoying but is also hilarious as she's probably the most intelligent person I've ever met. It's an odd contradiction but I think it's really cute. When we got to my hometown, we decided to meet my friends at a local park which has a lake and a set of gardens.

It had been raining the day before and the ground was still pretty wet, but we planned on walking around the lake with my friends, because we all live life on the edge. We got there and everyone seemed to like my girlfriend and they all got on well. It changed when she noticed that there were lots of earthworms that had got themselves stranded on the wet pavement.

My girlfriend is a complete softie when it comes to worms and snails and she always saves them whenever she sees them. It's a personality quirk. She has a folder of photos on her phone of all the worms and snail 'friends' she makes and she carries a bottle of hand sanitiser with her at all times, just in case.

So as soon as she realised that there were worms that needed saving, she got right to work, and just knelt down right there on the ground in front of my friends and started picking up the worms, literally talking to them and saying stuff like (I wish I were kidding) 'let's sort you out, you've got yourself into a real situation here.'

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My friends all started laughing then, and I honestly couldn't tell if they were laughing with or at her, so I said to her 'hey, do you think you could give the worm stuff a rest?' and she said 'just let me pick up a couple more,' to which I said 'let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do,' and that made her stop.

She looked kind of embarrassed and I felt bad, and then all my friends told her that we could have a worm rescuing session if she wanted, but she seemed reluctant. My friends all told me later that they really liked her, and they thought the worm thing was cute.

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But she's stopped showing me photos of the little critters on her phone now and I'm worried I was a total a**hole and need to apologise. The reason I'm not sure I'm TA is that I told her to stop because I was worried my friends were laughing at her, so I said it to protect her, not shame her. Aita?

This wormy kerfuffle is a classic case of good intentions gone awry. The boyfriend’s urge to “protect” his girlfriend from perceived mockery led to a patronizing comment that stung her deeply, dulling her vibrant personality. Her worm-saving, while quirky, reflects compassion—a trait he admires but fumbled in public.

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Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman notes, “Supporting a partner’s unique traits builds trust, even when they differ from social norms” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 70% of couples report stronger bonds when partners affirm each other’s quirks (Source). His “like adults do” quip infantilized her, undermining her confidence.

Instead of shutting her down, he could’ve joined her worm rescue or redirected the group’s focus. “Validate your partner’s passions, even if they’re unconventional,” Chapman advises. An apology, paired with a worm-saving outing, could mend the rift. He should reassure her that her quirks are cherished, not mocked.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit brought the sass, dishing out takes as lively as a worm wriggle. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

[Reddit User] − YTA.. You single handedly dulled the light in her eyes because you were afraid of what people might think. Apologize to her and explain, because my heart would be broken if my SO stopped talking to me about the dumb s**t they love. It’s part of the reason I love them..

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Kjtl − YTA. I was more sympathetic with your cause until the “let’s talk to human friends like adults do” quote. That is beyond patronising and infantilising. It’s a little concerning that you love that she “dresses like a kids tv presenter” and “acts like a kid” and you talk to her like one. Jesus, just because she dresses in bright colours and is enthusiastic doesn’t mean you treat your GIRLFRIEND like a child.. Apologise mate.

dyeung87 − YTA. I said to her 'hey, do you think you could give the worm stuff a rest?' and she said 'just let me pick up a couple more,' to which I said 'let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do,' and that made her stop. You like being single? Because this is how you become single. I'd get to apologizing, and fast. Hell, offer to join in next time.

LipstickRevenge − If you thought your friends were laughing at her, you could have asked them to stop. Instead, you chose to back them up by telling her to stop. Not really what a decent boyfriend would do. YTA.

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DuchessofFuckThis − YTA. She sounds wonderful and the world needs more.

[Reddit User] − to which I said 'let's pay attention to my human friends, not your worm ones, like adults do,' Oh come on man, that was uncalled for. That's a total a**hole thing to say. She's not doing anything wrong and you just reacted that way because you felt embarrassed. Don't take your insecurities and pin them on her. If you aren't comfortable with her little eccentricities then just break up with her. YTA.

Ciarallola − YTA. Be honest, you were embarrassed by her and you were mean.. She deserves better tbh.

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Mirianda666 − YTA. You weren't protecting your girlfriend, you were protecting yourself from the mockery of your friends. She was comfortable doing her thing until you made her self-conscious about who she was. At that point, she felt mocked and demeaned and all those comments from your friends about 'a worm rescuing session' just sounded rude.

Of course she stopped and was embarrassed: and you allowed it to happen. Look I get it - the fact that your girlfriend rescues worms seems funny to you. But it's part of who she is and you just allowed your friends to mock her and laugh at her ... and you joined in. That's just wrong. You were wrong. If you're with your girlfriend, you're WITH her.

That means shutting down assholes who tell her she's stupid to do what she does, or that she should pay more attention to other things. You didn't have her back. You allowed your friends to laugh at her. Think about that for a minute. You acted as though it was perfectly all right for your friends to mock her. And now you're surprised that she's not being open with you. Yes, you were a total a**hole. Apologize.

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ShiftyElk − You called her a child in front of your friends for partaking in her hobby and something she likes to do. How is that 'protecting her' and her hobby/interests? That's shaming. YTA.

[Reddit User] − YTA. I also stop to pick up earthworms. Because compassion is something to be celebrated, not embarrassed about. You acted embarrassingly, not her. Also, the way you describe her makes it sound like you’re thinking of her as some kind of adorable little pet rather than as a whole, functioning, human being worthy of respect.

These Reddit opinions are as sharp as a garden trowel, but do they dig deep enough into balancing love and social pressure?

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This story is a sweet-and-sour blend of affection and awkwardness. The boyfriend’s attempt to shield his girlfriend backfired, dimming her worm-loving spark. Could a gentler nudge or a shared laugh have saved the day? What would you do if your partner’s quirky habit stole the spotlight? Share your thoughts—have you ever misjudged a loved one’s passion in front of others?

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