AITA for telling my girlfriend that her six y/o stinks and needs to be taught proper hygiene?

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In a cozy bowling alley, amid the clatter of pins and laughter, a 24-year-old man notices an unpleasant odor from his girlfriend’s six-year-old son. He’s grown close to the boy, playing basketball and bowling together, but this moment tests their blended family’s harmony.

After learning the child was teased at school for his smell, he gently suggests to his girlfriend that her son needs hygiene guidance, sparking a heated argument. Reddit’s buzzing with opinions: was he out of line, or just trying to help? This tale of parenting and good intentions dives into the delicate balance of raising a child who isn’t yours, leaving us wondering if his approach was fair or too blunt.

‘AITA for telling my girlfriend that her six y/o stinks and needs to be taught proper hygiene?’

Me (24M) and my girlfriend (24F) had a baby boy one month ago today, and things have been pretty awesome. We’ve really come together as a couple and our communication has been healthier than ever; even our levels of trust and little displays of affection are through the roof. All in all, a potentially stressful and chaotic situation worked out pretty well!

My SO has a six year old boy from a high school fling. The father moved several states away when he found out about the kid, and has only been around two or three times, for no more than an hour each time. Her son knows I am not his father but for the last three years I have tried to reinforce the fact that I am his friend and he can always talk to me.

We play basketball together and we go bowling every weekend, as long as he behaves in school that week, so I would think to think that we are pretty close. So two days ago (Friday) after work, the three of us went bowling while my mother watched our newborn. As we’re changing shoes, I notice a really gnarly odor akin to sour milk and garlic.

I searched for the offensive smell and I realized it was my Gf’s son’s feet. When I leaned down to put all of our shoes underneath the table, I was about a foot away from him and couldn’t help but notice he absolutely REEKED. I was a little boy once, so I shrugged it off and made a mental note to tell his mom later.

As luck would have it, she brought up to me a few minutes later how he got made fun of at school that day for smelling bad and how it hurt his feelings. Me being the i**ot that I am immediately responded with, “SO, it smells like he hasn’t wiped his ass properly in days. Does he use soap in the shower? Did you ever show him how?”

To which she blushed and vehemently responded that it was not appropriate for her to bathe with her own son. Now that he’s six, I kind of agree, but I wasn’t born knowing how to properly clean my body, I had to be taught. I told her that I felt as if it was her job as the sole parent to teach her son hygiene, otherwise this problem will never go away.

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I also stated that with our son, the newborn, I would 100% be taking responsibility for his hygiene so that I knew it would get done. She started to tear up and got really angry with me, so we finished our first game of bowling and left. She’s been pissed at me all weekend. AITA here? Should I have handled that better? Different?

Parenting a blended family is like walking a tightrope, and this man’s hygiene talk with his girlfriend shows how tricky it can be. His concern for her son’s odor, especially after school teasing, comes from care, but her defensive reaction highlights differing parenting styles. He sees teaching hygiene as her role, while she feels criticized, creating tension.

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This reflects a broader challenge: navigating roles in blended families. Research shows 65% of step-parents struggle with unclear responsibilities in child-rearing. His suggestion, though well-meaning, may have felt like a jab at her parenting, especially as a young mother managing alone for years.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Clear communication and shared goals are key in blended families.” He could have framed his concern collaboratively, like asking how they could help the boy together. Offering to guide the child himself, as a stepfather figure, might ease her burden. A calm discussion about hygiene routines, perhaps involving fun checklists for the boy, could align their efforts.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s users jumped in with fiery takes, blending support and advice. Here’s what they said:

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's definitely her responsibility as the boy's mother to teach him proper hygiene. It's something the kid has to learn to do anyway. If he doesn't want to be made fun of, he'll learn eventually. But. It seems like this relationship is pretty permanent. That means you could potentially be the boy's stepfather. If that's the case you should take more than zero responsibility for him.

nkdeck07 − NTA but I think you might need to speak to your girlfriend about revaluation of your parental role. You've been together 3 years and have a kid together. You really aren't mom's boyfriend anymore, you are a step parent and one that had been involved with this kid from toddler hood at that.

DifficultBison − YTA. I guess I'll go against the grain here. I'm not sure why you had to be this harsh and accusatory about it. Why not instead choose to have a regular conversation (not while bowling) where you say that you're concerned about his odor and the teasing and want to talk about what can be done to solve the problem?

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Sure, a parent does need to teach their kid hygiene, but it's also something that is pretty easy to fix now. The thing that underlies this, I think, is the stark differentiation you make between 'your' son and her son 'from a fling' and how your GF is his 'sole parent.' If he has no father, you all live together, and you had a child with your GF, then you are essentially his stepdad.

I guess I'm not understanding why you're insistent on being his 'friend' rather than a father figure when he doesn't have a dad. Why couldn't you just step up and teach him the hygiene without making anyone feel bad?

Anyway, I chose YTA because of how you handled it and because I don't think your GF's handling of the situation rises to 'a**hole.' She was a single teen mom who is still pretty young. No parent is perfect, and I think folks need to cut her some slack.. ​

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BonnJord − NTA that’s a n**ty truth. BUT if you plan to be in her life forever, you should try to step up and teach him better. If you can teach him to bounce a ball, you can teach him to better clean his own.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Could’ve brought it a bit nicer but come on, mom, you should know that this is a thing you have to do. 6 y/o is not too old for you to help him out if you neglected to do so for the first 6 years. Set things right.

mitosis799 − NTA but if he is showering I suggest having him take baths instead. Even if he misses spots in a bath everything will get a good soaking.

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AimMick − NTA.. These are things discussed by parents. Also he’s 6 not 16, it isn’t weird for her to supervise his shower. He’s still a little boy. No wonder the poor kid is smelly. 6year olds do not have the wherewithal to know how to clean themselves properly.

MarsNirgal − NTA. To which she blushed and vehemently responded that it was not appropriate for her to bathe with her own son.. What the hell.

mrswinchester48 − NTA. The mother or you need to teach him about washing. He's 6. It is perfectly fine for him to be bathed with supervision. My son is 5 and my step son is also 5 and we physically wash them. They have started to wash themselves but we still get the cloth with soap and hand it to them and get the places they miss. They do need to be taught. Also, just as an fyi for you. My son is well aware of.

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Who is dad is and sees him 1-3 times a year and video chats about every 4 months. My son calls my fiancee dad or daddy. He sees him as the father figure even tho he knows who his bio dad is. Guaranteed this little boy sees you in that way. He needs that connection and if his bio dad isn't in the picture, I hope you step up and take on that role. The most important figure in a kids life is the same s** parent.

constaleah − ESH. You live with him and you only just noticed he stinks? Your girlfriend doesn't have to bathe WITH him. She can wash his hair while he sits in the tub or stands in the shower. She can hand him soap and direct him to lather up his hands or feet or wherever.

There's no excuse. She doesn't have to undress to just monitor and advise him from outside the tub. You can do the same.. Letting a child get smelly to the point where people ridicule him is N**LECT, pure and simple.

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These spirited comments make us wonder: do they capture the complexity of step-parenting, or just skim the surface? Either way, they show how personal this issue feels.

This family spat shows good intentions can spark big fights. His hygiene concerns were valid, but the delivery stirred tension. Reddit’s split on who’s right, but parenting’s never simple. How would you handle suggesting changes to a partner’s parenting? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family challenge?

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