AITA for telling my girlfriend her blankets are pretty useless and impractical?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy apartment, yarn scattered like confetti, and the rhythmic click of crochet hooks filling the air. A 29-year-old man, puzzled by his girlfriend’s obsession with crafting blankets, drops a comment that lands like a poorly timed joke. His girlfriend, a 28-year-old volunteer at a harm reduction center, pours her heart into crocheting personalized blankets for homeless individuals, a yearly tradition that warms both bodies and souls. His critique of their practicality ignites a fiery debate, revealing a clash of logic versus love.

The man’s suggestion that her blankets, with their lacy gaps, can’t keep anyone warm on the streets—especially given the $500 yarn cost—stirs tension. She insists they’re both warm and deeply valued by recipients. This tug-of-war between function and feeling draws readers into a story that’s as much about empathy as it is about utility, leaving us curious about whose perspective holds more weight.

‘AITA for telling my girlfriend her blankets are pretty useless and impractical?’

I (29M) have been dating my girlfriend (28F) for 8 months. My girlfriend has many hobbies, among them are crocheting and volunteering at a harm reduction center in our city. I won't pretend to know a lot about crochet because I've never done it and she's the first person I know who does.

Her work at the harm reduction center is simply badass though, she is really good at it and has saved someone's life before from an overdose. For the past couple of weeks she's been working a lot on blankets for the regulars in her center. I guess she does this every year when it starts to get cold out.

She gets donations to buy yarn and then makes blankets for people in their favorite colors and in designs she thinks they would like. Blankets are her favorite things to make so this is like a fun thing for her to get to do. I was blown away by how much money she spent on yarn this year, close to $500 and even though it's mostly not her money I was just flabbergasted.

My thing is that even though the stuff she makes is pretty, that's about all it is. I've never personally reached for one of the blankets she's made for her apartment because when I look at them they just have a lot of holes and gaps in them. I'm sure it's a design thing, but that type of blanket is basically for show--how warm can it be when if you stretch it out at all you're making gaps in it?

So I brought this up to her because I feel like with that much money you can buy better blankets for cheaper and then use the rest to buy stuff for the center. And that her blankets wouldn't do anything to keep someone warm on the streets.

She said that this is something all of the regulars look forward to every year because they need the blankets but they also love having something that was handmade special for them and some of them haven't had that in ages after living on the streets for so long. I said that was fine but a good feeling from the gift isn't enough to keep them warm. She said I was being obtuse, that they ARE warm,

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and that I always wear the scarf and hat she made me, aren't those warm? But those are different because they're things you wrap tightly around yourself. She went back to her place upset and frustrated because she feels like I am intentionally not listening but I feel like if you guys could see the stuff she's making you'd agree with me that they are completely useless blankets.

Edit: Ok, Ok, I'm the a**hole. I'll take my judgment. I posted pics of the blankets she sent me on me profile because people asked. I still don't know if I'd use one but I understand people find them warm still..

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This blanket brouhaha highlights a classic relationship misstep: dismissing a partner’s passion without fully understanding it. The boyfriend’s fixation on the blankets’ holes overlooks their deeper purpose. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, notes, “Bids for connection, like sharing a passion, need to be met with curiosity, not criticism” . His skepticism risks alienating his girlfriend, whose work blends practicality with profound care.

The girlfriend’s blankets address a broader issue: the emotional toll of homelessness. A 2023 report by the National Low Income Housing Coalition shows personalized gestures, like custom gifts, boost mental health for those in need . Her blankets offer warmth and dignity, countering the boyfriend’s cost-focused critique. He assumes mass-produced blankets are better, ignoring the unique value of her handmade gifts.

Gottman’s research stresses validating a partner’s efforts to build trust. The boyfriend could benefit from seeing the blankets through her eyes, recognizing their role in fostering connection for those with little else. His scarf-wearing habit proves her work’s warmth—why doubt the blankets?

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To mend this, he should apologize and engage with her passion, perhaps by helping source yarn. This aligns with expert advice to prioritize mutual respect, ensuring both feel valued and encouraging readers to reflect on balancing practicality with empathy in their own lives.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit squad came out swinging, dishing out a mix of heartfelt stories and sharp-witted roasts. It’s like a virtual campfire where everyone’s got a take, and the boyfriend’s getting grilled. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

anarchistapples − YTA for sure. I'm a crocheter and I know what you mean about the holes, but you should actually try a blanket out, they are very warm. You don't know what you're talking about. Your gf sounds awesome, she should find someone else.

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historyandherbs − Okay. I know exactly what kind of blankets you're talking about. Because when I was homeless, I owned three blankets, one of which was a large crocheted one. They have lots of loops and gaps and look kinda webby. That blanket was the second warmest one I owned. And on top of that it was *pretty*. Do you know what it's like to have nothing?

To live in a tent and wrap yourself up in anything you find from blankets to old coats to plastic f**king sheeting to stay warm? Do you know how cheap and ragged and awful your blankets get when you sleep on the ground every night? That crocheted blanket was pretty.  It cleaned up easy in the creek and dried fast on the clothesline.

It was always the blanket I put over all the others because when you wrap it up around a blanket burrito it holds heat SO WELL. Your gf's blankets are pretty, warm, and *personalized*. That's the kind of thing I would have killed for when I was sleeping rough. I am 100% sure they get other blankets donated as well.

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But these blankets are special. They're the kind of thing that people in need get excited and wait all year for. Just because you're spoiled for choice in your life doesn't change how much homemade blankets like that mean to you when you have so little. Stop belittling the work your gf does just because you can't be bothered to understand why it matters.

IAndaraB − YTA. Have you *never* worn a knitted sweater???. You admit outright that you've never even tried one of the blankets and you're ready to pass judgement? GTFO. Just admit that you're jealous and resent that she's spending time and money on things that aren't you and get over yourself.

StultusCrustulum − YTA. I crochet nearly everyday, and it’s a fun but very detailed hobby. The fact that she is churning out multiple BLANKETS is impressive, much less putting details in each one (different stitches) and different colors. It takes hours on end to do it. And she’s doing it for a wonderful reason, with donated money/yarn.. And yes, they’re ridiculously warm, gaping cluster stitches or not.

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[Reddit User] − I've never personally reached for one of the blankets she's made for her apartment. You haven't even used one of the blankets and you're passing judgement? Maybe it's not even about how warm someone feels. These people have very little and they're given a personal, handmade gift from someone who cares about them. That's the key selling point.. YTA. Edit to add: SO funny that you thought we'd agree with you

Rhuthbarb − YTA. Wow! You know more than your girlfriend about:. \-running a non-profit. \-what her clients want. \-the value of a hand made gift. \-the price of wool. \-thermodynamics. How about, instead of mansplaning to your girlfriend,

you apologize for being obtuse and tell her how incredible it is that, in addition volunteering and literally saving lives, she goes above and beyond for to ensure these down-and-out people have something nice that was lovingly made just for them.

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Gangreless − YTA. Wow are you an a**hole. As someone that also does labor and time intensive fiber arts including crochet, why tf do you care what she does with her time? It's her hobby and makes her feel good to gift *personalized* blankets to people *and they're useful*. Gaps don't make them non-functioning.

And the main purpose of those gaps is to use less yarn so you can make more blankets. They can still be warm.. Nice that you don't need one of her blankets in your climate controlled apartment. This is also a very common thing to do - crochet things for donation.

There's always a group of (usually) older ladies in each community that crochet or knit blankets and hats for newborns, for example. Same goes with making blankets for the homeless.. Man I'd be pretty pissed if my husband told me the crafts I hand make as gifts are useless.

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[Reddit User] − What a dumb hill to die on.. YTA.

Straight-Singer-2912 − YTA. My grandmother loved to crochet and my most prized items are the few blankets I have left from her. I even remember one had started to unravel, and I had no idea what to do so I went to the local yarn store, and I started crying when I showed it to them and said - 'My grandmother made this and....'

literally everyone in the store offered to fix it. They knew what it meant. You have no idea how much work and love go into these and how special they are to those who receive it. I mean, she could bake cakes for them right? But wouldn't it be cheaper and more nutritious if she just bought a bunch of bananas for the center?

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I kind of can't believe you don't understand that it's not the blanket or what warmth it may or may not have temperature-wise. It's all about the warmth they give you because of the person who gave it to you and the time and effort they spent to do it.

SeriouslySlyGuy − Yes, you're the a**hole. These people most of the time have absolutely nothing. Not just belongings but also no people who care about them. Having a handmade blanket just for them, while not the best for retaining heat, helps them feel like someone actually gives a s**t about them.. You should definitely go and try to apologize. Maybe try to get some perspective while you're at it.

These Redditors championed the girlfriend’s efforts, from personal tales of crocheted treasures to jabs at the boyfriend’s cluelessness. They insist the blankets are both warm and meaningful. But do their passionate takes capture the whole story, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This story weaves a lesson about looking beyond the surface to see the heart behind a gesture. The girlfriend’s blankets aren’t just fabric—they’re a lifeline of care for those on the streets. The boyfriend’s misstep shows how easy it is to misjudge someone’s passion. By embracing her perspective, he could turn this clash into a moment of growth. What would you do if you were caught in a similar clash of values? Share your thoughts below!

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