AITA for telling my gf to stop making excuses and clean her apartment?

Picture a cluttered apartment, yarn spilling from baskets, and a 13-foot crocheted dachshund lounging like a quirky roommate. That’s the scene where Alex, a 22-year-old guy, lost his cool with his 19-year-old girlfriend, Lily, who’s hooked on crocheting stuffed animals. When he called out the mess—blamed on her roommate—and dismissed her creations as “toys,” Lily’s passion turned to tears, and now she’s gone radio silent. Was Alex just craving order, or did he unravel their relationship?

Alex’s Reddit AITA post is a tangled yarn of love, hobbies, and clashing priorities, with a boyfriend who might’ve snipped the wrong thread. Reddit’s knitting a harsh verdict, and it’s not in his favor. Let’s unravel this crafty drama that’s got everyone stitching together opinions faster than a crochet marathon.

‘AITA for telling my gf to stop making excuses and clean her apartment?’

My (22M) gf (19F) crochets quite a lot and I've encouraged her to start like an etsy shop or something but she hasn't. The issue is that she spends all this money on yarn (even though she always buys the really cheap big rolls at michaels), it adds up.

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Instead of making something that someone would actually want as a gift like a dish cloth, blanket, sweater, etc., she choses to make these dumb little stuffed animals. The other day she finished crocheting a 13 ft long daschund so she has these baskets and shelves of these stuffed animals that she refuses to give away or sell, but also hardly uses after they're done.

The other day, she was hanging around her apartment and it was a mess. She claims her roommate made the mess, but I guess she was just hanging out in it. Instead of cleaning it, she's crocheting. When I brought up the mess, she said her roommate would clean it up and proceeded to pull this binder she has full of polaroids of her finished project and each of their names and was talking about them.

I couldn't stand it and I snapped and told her she needed to focus on cleaning up and that I didn't care about her toys. She said her roommate would and I told her that she is acting like a child. By the time I left she was crying. It's been almost a week now and she isn't answering my messages.. AITA here for wanting her to live in a clean apartment?

Alex’s crochet meltdown is a textbook case of trampling boundaries. Lily’s passion for crafting stuffed animals isn’t just a hobby—it’s her creative outlet. Alex’s demand that she clean a mess she didn’t make, while slamming her work as childish, wasn’t about tidiness; it was control with a side of disrespect. This spat’s less about yarn and more about valuing your partner.

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Psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler, an expert in relationship dynamics, notes, “Respecting a partner’s passions builds trust; dismissing them breeds resentment” . Alex’s tantrum fits this pattern, risking a breakup.

Alex needs to apologize, pronto, and show genuine interest in Lily’s craft—maybe ask about her next project. Dr. Heitler suggests “active listening” to rebuild trust, like saying, “I see how much crocheting means to you.” If the mess bugs him, he can offer to help tidy, not dictate. Lily’s silence speaks volumes; Alex better start stitching up his attitude.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew swooped in like a yarn-bombed mob, tossing shade and support for Lily’s crafty corner. It’s a virtual stitch-and-bitch where everyone’s got a needle and no one’s holding back. Here’s the raw scoop:

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[Reddit User] − YTA. I hope your girlfriend dumps you and finds a nice boyfriend who supports her cool hobbies. And that you never have a girlfriend again until you change your fundamental attitude towards women, because you’re an a**hole.

ArcanTemival − It's been almost a week now and she isn't answering my messages.. ​. So what are you complaining about? She took out the trash, just like you wanted.. ​. YTA.

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fakemonalisa − YTA, and this post is all over the place. She obviously doesn't want to start an etsy shop and wants to let her hobby remain a hobby. Stop pushing her to do thing just because you think she should. You aren't her parent. And tbh, sounds like you aren't her boyfriend anymore, either.

HelpfulPuddle78 − A 13 FOOT long daschund?. YTA, big time.

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TheFunJun − I’m mainly confused about why you’re calling her your gf? I mean she’s obviously your ex now so

Charlie-Wilbury − I couldn't stand it and I snapped and told her she needed to focus on cleaning up and that I didn't care about her toys. She said her roommate would and I told her that she is acting like a child. YTA. Quite bold of bold of you to say someone is acting like a child after throwing a tantrum that their apartment wasn't clean enough for you.

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Hoop-dog24 − YTA. Sounds like you can’t let your girlfriend enjoy something that clearly makes her very happy. It’s not her mess, so why should she clean it?

author124 − YTA, big time. 1, you come off as controlling because your tone implies that she needs to make money from her hobby in order for it to be valid.. 2, you clearly don't support her interests by deciding that because she's making stuffed animals her skills are useless.

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3, she told you it's her roommate's mess and if that's the case, it really isn't her responsibility to clean it. 4, even if it is her mess, unless it's literally endangering her (like mold or similar) or is similar to a hoarding behavior, it's not your responsibility or place to intervene.

Username_taken_alre − YTA. Holy crap. If the mess bothers you that much, leave, but after you mentioned it one time and your gf said her roommate would be cleaning up roommate's mess, that should have been it. Like... do you think she's lying about it being her roommate's mess? Do you think she's lying about her roommate cleaning it up? Are you working on grooming your gf to see any mess as her mess, whether she made it or not?

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proteins911 − YTA for 2 separate reasons: 1) You are insulting your girlfriend over her hobby. Why cant you be happy that she has a hobby she enjoys? 2) It wasn't her mess to clean. You scolded her until she cried because you wanted her to clean up after other people. wtf.

Redditors skewered Alex for his controlling vibe, cheering Lily’s crochet kingdom and urging her to ditch him. Some called his outburst a dealbreaker, others a wake-up call. But do their spicy takes thread the needle, or just knot up the drama?

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Alex’s clash over Lily’s crochet chaos is a reminder that love means cheering your partner’s quirks, not clipping their wings. His snap about cleaning and “toys” unraveled more than a messy apartment—it frayed their bond. This tale resonates with anyone whose passion’s been dissed. What would you do if your partner trashed your favorite hobby? Share your thoughts and stories below!

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