AITA for telling my friend to stop making jokes about hating my fiancé?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture two kindergarten pals, giggling over dreams of Hollywood stardom, their friendship a cozy blanket woven through years of shared secrets and silly plans. Fast-forward to their 20s, and one of them, now 26, is building a life with her fiancé—complete with a shiny ring and a new house. But the other? She’s unraveling, her “jokes” about hating the fiancé morphing into social media rants that sting like salt in a wound. The joy of a milestone moment dims under her friend’s tearful outbursts.

This story tugs at the heart, as a lifelong bond frays under the weight of jealousy and unspoken expectations. The woman’s attempt to set boundaries sparks a clash, leaving her wondering if she’s the villain for standing her ground. It’s a messy, relatable tale of friendship tested by change, pulling readers into the emotional whirlpool of loyalty and love.

‘AITA for telling my friend to stop making jokes about hating my fiancé?’

My (26f) best friend (26f) and I have been inseparable since we were in kindergarten. We grew up few houses apart and went to the same school throughout our childhood. We made these silly plans together about how when we grow up we will move in Hollywood and become pop stars. We were 14-15 at the time.

When we turned 18 and went to college, since our colleges were on the same town we rented our own place and lived together. In college I met my current fiancé (26m). My fiancé and I have been together since we were 19. 7 years in total. He proposed two years ago. I moved in with him after we both graduated college at 23.

My best friend did not like that at all and she made it clear how sad she was every step of the way. She made me feel guilty the whole time and I was always trying to comfort her. She started making jokes about hating my fiancé (then bf) and she promised me they're just jokes and at first it was truly an inside joke between the 3 of us.

After my fiancé proposed to me 2 years ago, my best friend started crying as soon as she saw the ring and I thought they were tears of happiness until she started sobbing. I tried to comfort her once again and I told her that her behavior is not normal and she's going to get sick if she keeps being like that so I helped her find a therapist to deal with it.

She went to therapy and actually had some progress. That progress lasted until now. My fiancé and I got a mortgage and bought our first house. We made sure to have a big house with rooms included for possible future babies or even guest rooms to host friends or family when needed.

When my friend found out she started sobbing on the phone again about how dare I do this to her. She was yelling and screaming during the entire call about how she felt replaced and tried to make me feel bad for valuing my fiancé more than her.

I had enough of this and at first I tried to comfort her once again until she started telling me she wishes my fiancé cheats on me and we break up. She claimed she's joking. I told her to never make jokes like that again since I feel uncomfortable.

The following days she was posting about it on Facebook and Instagram and was joking about how my fiancé ruined our friendship and how much she hates him. I told her that she's taking it too far and i want the jokes to stop right now. She tried to make me feel guilty about it again..

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She told some of our friends about how I told her to stop these jokes and our friends were conflicted and told me that they understand these jokes make me uncomfortable but how my best friend is allowed to make them and cope with her feelings and I don't have to be an AH about some jokes. And that what she posts on social media is none of my business. AITA here?

Navigating a friend’s jealousy over a romantic relationship is like walking a tightrope. The OP’s best friend, once a partner in childhood dreams, now lashes out with “jokes” that betray deeper pain, escalating to public posts wishing harm on the OP’s fiancé. This isn’t just playful teasing—it’s a red flag of unhealthy attachment.

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Dr. Irene Levine, a psychologist specializing in friendships, notes, “When a friend reacts with intense jealousy to life changes, it often reflects their own unmet needs or fear of abandonment” (The Friendship Blog). The friend’s sobs over the engagement and house purchase suggest she feels replaced, unable to reconcile the OP’s evolving priorities. Her behavior borders on emotional manipulation, using guilt to keep the OP close.

This dynamic reflects a broader issue: friendships can falter when one person resists the other’s growth. A 2019 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 62% of friendships face strain during major life transitions like engagement or homeownership (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). The friend’s refusal to respect boundaries exacerbates the tension, turning private pain into public spectacle.

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For the OP, setting firm boundaries is key. Experts recommend clear communication, like restating that the jokes are hurtful, and limiting contact if the behavior persists. The friend may benefit from revisiting therapy to process her feelings of loss. The OP should prioritize her mental health and relationship, perhaps by seeking neutral friends for perspective. This approach preserves self-respect while leaving the door open for future healing, fostering a balanced with empathy.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, dishing out a spicy mix of support and shade for the OP’s predicament. The community rolled in like a tidal wave, calling out the friend’s “jokes” as anything but funny and urging the OP to stand firm. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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BeaArt78 − NTA and you need a total break from her, no contact for a while til she gets herself sorted out. She needs time away and to get help. You shouldn't have to comfort a friend because of your normal, special events.

sashaopinion − NTA. These are not jokes, there's nothing funny about them. She's even past passive aggressive at this point. Her intense 'ownership' of you and dependence is very strange and she needs to go back to therapy.

You probably need to create some distance until she learns that you having a fiancé is not a replacement for her, there's no reason you can't have both in your life. She's the one creating the issue here because she can't handle not being the one and only person in your life.

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riquer − NTA her behaviour is not normal or healty. You and your fiance have shown a huge amount of pacience, but she really needs help.

syukimon − NTA. She's either in love with you or is obsessive. And about the constant jokes; there's a saying in my country that goes *de broma en broma, la verdad se asoma* which roughly translates to *from joke to joke, the truth pokes its head.*

Pondering-Out-Loud − NTA. To be fair, what she posts on social media IS none of your business. Her life, her accounts, her posts. But it is clear her 'jokes' are everything but, and I don't fault you for telling her to stop. If she keeps this up, I'd even argue 'No Contact' is on the table.

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'She made me feel guilty' is worrisome. Your guilt is misplaced unless you, as kids, promised to stay together forever and ever and ever, and even then... You were kids back then. Fact of life is: goals change and priorities change. Accepting that is part of growing up.

Rather than just telling her to 'stop the not-so-funny jokes' it may be time for another sit-down and difficult conversation. Your friend needs to accept that your life does not revolve around her and she needs to find healthier outlets for her loneliness and dependence on you.

MeloNurse3 − Yeah, no. This won't work, what is she gonna do when you guys are officially married and have kids(that's if you want kids), do you know how drastically kids change your life?? Hell, my sister lost her best friend of 10 years because she was no longer my sister's priority, it all started when my sister got engaged and it only got worse. NTA, but you need to stop this before it goes any further.

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typicalaquarius − NTA - I had a very close friend that pulled similar stuff. We remained friends for a good while after I got married, but eventually she became outwardly hostile toward my husband (and all of the other men in our mutual friends’ lives. And just men in general.)

We’re not friends anymore. I couldn’t stand the constant, caustic jealousy/man hating. (It really seemed as if she were angry that anyone besides her could be in a happy relationship, and that anyone capable of happiness deserved vitriol.)

Theemillershow − NTA. If she is posting on social media about you and your fiancé, it absolutely is your business. Your friend needs help, she is processing at the level of my five year old.

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Beck2010 − NTA. Unfortunately, it seems as if your friend needs some therapy. What she’s doing and saying is unhinged.. I hope you haven’t invited her to be a part of your wedding party.

GodShorts − NTA, it’s sad but it seems like your best friend has some serious attachment issues. It’s not your responsibility and establishing boundaries by asking her to stop making these jokes does not put you in the wrong.

These Redditors brought the tea, slamming the friend’s jealousy while cheering the OP’s boundary-setting. But do their blunt takes capture the whole vibe, or are they just fueling the fire?

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This tale of a friendship buckling under jealousy hits like a bittersweet chord, reminding us how love can complicate even the tightest bonds. The OP’s courage to demand respect shines through, but the friend’s clinginess casts a long shadow. As the dust settles, the question looms: how do you balance loyalty to a friend with loyalty to yourself? What would you do if a lifelong pal turned your joy into their pain? Drop your thoughts and stories below!

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