AITA for telling my friend that the food based gift card she bought for my birthday is wasteful and obnoxious?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A birthday bash takes a sour turn when a 23-year-old man, unimpressed by a $100 food subscription gift card, vents about its extravagance, only to find his words have wounded a close friend. Raised to pinch pennies, he sees the lavish gift as wasteful, but his candid gripe—shared with a mutual friend—reaches the gift-giver, sparking hurt feelings and a text silence. Now, he’s left wondering if his thrifty mindset crossed a line into rudeness.

This tale of clashing values and unintended offense pulls readers into a relatable social slip-up. A thoughtful gesture meets a blunt reaction, raising questions about gratitude and gift-giving etiquette. Was this birthday boy out of line for airing his frustration, or is his friend overreacting to his honesty?

‘AITA for telling my friend that the food based gift card she bought for my birthday is wasteful and obnoxious?’

I (23M) just had my birthday two days ago, I don’t care much for birthdays but my friends and family still celebrate it. One of my close friends couldn’t attend due to exams but she sent me a link for a food subscription box based gift card that was like g**damn 100 bucks and although it was supposed to be a nice gesture I just felt that it was wasteful.

Maybe it was the way I was raised but I just couldn’t fathom spending 100 dollars just on food itself , I complained or rather vented about it to our mutual friend during the birthday event and he snitched on me. The friend who sent the gift card was really disappointed

and texted me that she was sorry that I didn’t enjoy it but her reasoning was that because I liked food in general I could perhaps use it to treat myself. I told her while I appreciated it , it just seems excessive and that too just on something frivolous like food.

She also knows that I’m financially conscious and thrifty so I don’t know why she still did this. This just escalated the situation and now she hasn’t replied back. My mutual friend conveyed to me that I was being a bit rude and I should apologise but I don’t exactly know if I’m in the wrong for feeling this way.

A well-meaning gift turning into a friendship feud shows how easily values can clash. The man’s rejection of his friend’s $100 food subscription card as “wasteful” reflects his thrifty upbringing, but his public venting—caught by a mutual friend—turned a private opinion into a personal slight. His friend’s hurt stems from her effort to treat him to something special, based on his love for food.

Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman advises, “Gratitude is key, even if a gift doesn’t align with your preferences” (Gottsman Etiquette). Studies show that 70% of gift recipients value thoughtfulness over cost, per the Journal of Consumer Research (Journal of Consumer Research). The man’s focus on frugality missed the gesture’s intent, and airing his gripe publicly amplified the offense. His friend’s reaction, though strong, reflects the sting of unappreciated effort.

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Advice: He should apologize sincerely, acknowledging her thoughtfulness while explaining his perspective calmly. Re-gifting the card discreetly or using it to host a friend gathering could turn the gesture into a positive.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of shade and wisdom for this birthday blunder. It’s like a friend group chat where everyone’s got a hot take. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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[Reddit User] − YTA for complaining about a gift. You do realize that multiple trips to the market will eventually add up to $100. It's not like you were give $100 to spend on a single meal. It's a subscription service that will feed you over a period of time which I assume you'd spend a similar amount on food over that same time period.

GOgogle3 − Didn't realize food, something we all need to continue living, was a 'frivolous' thing. YTA -say thank you and re-gift it if you really don't want it

krubaisy − YTA. I couldn't imagine COMPLAINING about a thoughtful gift someone bought me. Why does it matter if you are 'financially conscious'? It's not your money. Just say thank you, eat the food and move on... if anything you could thank them and just kindly say it's not necessary to spend that amount next year!

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coffeecoffi − As a fellow sulphur based lifeform, I also find food frivolous as I exist entirely on energy from the sun and stray cell phone radiation. So you are fine.. I mean, unless you are a carbon based lifeform in which case YTA.

squirlysquirel − YTA. how ungrateful!. Those boxes are a great way to try new food...cook a meal,with some friends and all enjoy it.. 100 is not a lot to spend on food!

metal_bastard − YTA. Something frivolous like food? lol. I mean, try living without it. But seriously, YTA. It's your friend's money to spend how they want, so you really have no moral high ground here. You should apologize for being TA and thank them appropriately. It's a thoughtful gift. I mean, it's food, not a $100 paperweight. And the friend who 'snitched' was probably just so taken aback by your rudeness that they had to talk about it.

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Kyng5199 − YTA - I think that was a very nice gift she gave you. She probably saw you eating cheaper food, and thought (entirely justifiably) that you might enjoy the opportunity to eat nicer things that you otherwise wouldn't have got for yourself. Out of curiosity: if you think spending $100 on food is 'wasteful', then what's your idea of a gift that *isn't* wasteful?

OrangeCubit − YTA - but I’m sure you have spent more than $100 on food. This isn’t a single $100 meal, it’s several meals. Why do you think food is frivolous? It’s literally a requirement to continue living…

Jolly_Tooth_7274 − YTA and incredibly ungrateful. And who the hell 'vents' to someone about the gift they received from a mutual friend? What you were doing is trash-talking your friend for getting you a generous gift, based in her knowledge of your likes, that for some reason you felt was wasteful as if the 100 bucks came out of your pocket instead of hers.

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I'm not sure if maybe you're neurodivergent and this stems from not quite aligning with common social behavior, but the fact you even wonder if you're the AH and so far have refused to apologize, is weird otherwise. P.S: If you don't care for your birthday and don't like celebrating it, tell friends and family that so they can stop wasting their energy trying to show you love only to be punched in the face by your attitude. You're an adult.

[Reddit User] − YTA and it’s odd that you don’t recognize it.

Redditors called out the man’s ungrateful attitude, praising the friend’s thoughtful gift and urging an apology. Some poked fun at his “frivolous food” stance, while others saw his venting as a social misstep. But do these takes capture the full story, or are they just piling on?

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This birthday gift saga reveals how a thrifty mindset can clash with a friend’s generosity, turning a thoughtful gesture into a social stumble. The man’s blunt critique, though rooted in his values, stung his friend, and his public venting fanned the flames. As he ponders an apology, the path to mending this friendship lies in understanding and gratitude. Have you ever misjudged a gift or offended a friend by mistake? What would you do to fix this birthday blunder? Share your thoughts below!

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