AITA for telling my friend she’s not as smart as she thinks she is?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy movie night with friends, laughter filling the air—until one friend, fresh from an online film class, starts schooling everyone like they’re clueless. For weeks, she’s been dropping basic movie facts with a smug grin, and when she mocks a hometown movie pick, her friend snaps: “You’re not as smart as you think.” Ouch. Now, guilt creeps in, and the group’s vibe is off.

This Reddit tale is a spicy mix of bruised egos and friendship friction. The friend’s know-it-all attitude pushed buttons, but was the clapback too harsh? Let’s dive into the post that’s got everyone buzzing and explore what happens when enthusiasm crosses into arrogance—and how to fix it.

‘AITA for telling my friend she’s not as smart as she thinks she is?’

A friend of mine decided to take advantage of working from home by enrolling in an online class.. I thought that was great and we (her friends) were all of course nothing but supportive.. She ended up taking a class that has something to do with how big budget movies are made.

She was eager to share what she was learning and it quickly became apparent, based on the kinds of things she was saying, that this was a pretty intro level class. But she was excited and she’s already doing one better than me to be furthering her education so I feigned interest whenever she brought something up (not lying or anything just the usual polite “Oh, wow.

Did you learn that in the class? How’s that going?” Type of back and forth.”) But she started to get so uppity with the way she volunteered information. Where it was no longer her being enthusiastic, but more her delighting in knowing something we didn’t know. And it was things we actually all knew, which was the particularly frustrating part.

For example, we were all discussing what movies were good to watch this evening and I suggested a picture because it was set in our home town. The friend chimed in, “EEHH, wrong. I just looked it up and it was actually shot in Louisiana. Movies do that because it’s cheaper to shoot there with sets than in the real big name locations.

You seriously thought they actually shot them all on location? Hahaha.” And this is after weeks of similar incidents like this. So that was the final straw for me and I finally said, “I know, I said ‘set in’ not ‘filmed in.’ You know a lot of this stuff isn’t new information for the average person.

I’d think twice before presenting yourself as some film buff when most of us know about everything you’ve brought up so far.”. She turned to our friends for support, they tacitly supporter me but mostly opted to stay out of it.

After the conversation ended and we’d parted ways I felt badly about it because ultimately she was just trying to share something she was excited about with us and I could’ve approached the constructive criticism a whole different way.. But, she was being incredibly condescending, repeatedly.. Either way it is driving me mad. Just give it to me straight, AITA?

Friendship thrives on mutual respect, but when one person starts playing professor, things get dicey. The friend’s shift from excited learner to condescending critic rubbed her group raw. Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist specializing in friendships, says, “Condescension often stems from insecurity, but it alienates others by signaling superiority” (The Friendship Blog). Her corrections, like mocking the “set in” versus “filmed in” mix-up, weren’t just annoying—they made others feel small.

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The snap-back was a human reaction to weeks of irritation, but its sharpness escalated the conflict. A 2022 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that direct confrontation in friendships often backfires unless paired with empathy (SAGE Journals). The group’s silence suggests they felt caught in the crossfire, not fully backing either side. The friend’s hurt reaction shows she may not have realized her tone was grating.

This story reflects a broader issue: how new knowledge can inflate egos, straining bonds. The friend’s enthusiasm for her film class is admirable, but her delivery lacked humility. Dr. Levine suggests addressing such behavior privately to avoid public shame, which can deepen defensiveness. The person’s guilt is a good sign—it shows care for the friendship—but their jab about “not being as smart” hit below the belt.

To mend this, the person should apologize for the harshness, not the message, and explain how the friend’s tone felt belittling. A one-on-one chat, like, “I love your passion, but sometimes it feels like you’re talking down to us,” could reset the dynamic. The friend should be encouraged to share her knowledge collaboratively, not competitively. Both can learn to communicate with kindness, keeping the friendship’s spark alive.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out a mix of cheers and shade. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

VeryAngryCNA − NTA - There's only so much attitude you can take from someone before you snap. It's one thing to correct someone but its another thing to try your best to make sure they feel stupid in the process. If she can dish it out then she better be able to take it in my opinion. Perhaps try talking about it next time before you reach a breaking point.

BushyEyes − I mean on the one hand, NTA bc she sounds obnoxious...But on the other hand, have you tried bringing it up a little more nicely before? Like “hey, you don’t have to go and correct everyone all the time” sort of vibe? If you were playing into acting enthusiastic, she probably had no idea she was driving you insane. Just a thought. In general, NTA though.

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21cdelta − Eh, ESH. Sure, she was being annoying, but you could have politely explained that she was acting condescending instead of roasting her in front of everyone. And for the record: it quickly became apparent, based on the kinds of things she was saying, that this was a pretty intro level class. You seem condescending too.

thelesserdaughter − ESH. I think we can all agree that flexing knowledge is annoying. Sharing knowledge is fine, but being arrogant about it is where the flex comes in and it sucks. What you said to her was pretty damn harsh. It probably felt good being able to show that she was learning stuff and share it. It sounds like it started off as just being excited and she was gaining more confidence in herself. But the condescension she started to display is where the ESH part comes in.

DasSinaTier − ESH I guess you just snapped, but you could have told her about how you were feeling about her being condescending a whole lot earlier.. And in a much healthier way. Like 'I know you learn a lot right now and you just want to share. But it is very hard to listen to because I always feel talked down to.

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Could you help me here and kind of try to think about it?'. Now the s**t has hit the fan and she'll be a whole lot more defensive about the topic. I would try to apologize and talk about the situation with her. Tell her how she made you feel and that you know she doesn't mean to hurt anybody but that the ultimate result is that she

IS hurting her friends with how she shares her knowledge. And a side note: Don't think about her being stupid either. That is very condescending of you, even if you are smarter than her. Friends don't think they are better than their friends....just my opinion.

opheliasdinosaur − NTA unless you phrased it like the title and left that out the story 🤣 What you've said in your post seems stern but fair. If someone continually talks like this it is frustrating. Could you have handled it better? Yes. Could you have spoken to her alone. Yes. But you snapped at being talked to like you're stupid (which is what she did) and that's just a human reaction,which she deserved after multiple occurrences.

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Sendintheaardwolves − NTA, but for the future I find a much gentler way to convey that 'yes, I already know the thing you just told me' is with enthusiasm and interest, ie :. A: 'Actually, the slime in Alien is KY jelly Me: ' I know, fascinating, isn't it? I remember reading a really brilliant article about it a few years ago'..

A: 'When they do that thing with the camera it's called a dolly zoom, actually.'. Me: 'Yes! I remember hearing that phrase in a documentary. It was really interesting.' Be enthusiastic, like you're glad they've brought this topic up / reminded you of something you already know. Don't be patronising - be -100% sincere and kill them with keenness :)

hyperhurricanrana − ESH She’s kind of annoying but you sound wayyyy more condescending than she does.

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Revolutionary_Rub_76 − a lot of people are gonna say nta and say she totally deserved it but i say NAH, you two are fairly young and her getting backlash for that sort of behavior will teach her not to repeat it, could you have handled it better? yeah, but hindsight is 20/20

Specialist-Moment656 − YTA. Not for telling your friend that she's been annoying, but because as you put it for thinking that your friends excitement about things she's finding out now, when you've know them all along, makes her stupid or not as smart as you and your other friends are.

Your friend sounds like they've been annoying you for a while and while from the post it's clear that you tried to encourage her learning, you had opportunities when you weren't as frustrated to the your friend that her enthusiasm isn't shared but you're happy and excited for her to learning.

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These Redditors split on who’s the real culprit, calling out both the friend’s smugness and the harsh comeback. Are they nailing the vibe or just stirring the pot?

This story is a reminder that friendships can buckle under the weight of unchecked egos. The friend’s know-it-all act pushed buttons, but the sharp retort cut deep, leaving both sides bruised. A little humility and a heart-to-heart could patch this up, proving friends can clash and still come back stronger. Have you ever snapped at a friend’s annoying habit? How would you handle this movie-night mess? Share your thoughts below.

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