AITA for telling my friend her plan was tacky?

The soft glow of a bar’s pendant lights flickered over two friends sipping wine, their laughter fading as the conversation took a sharp turn. A 26-year-old woman listened as her newlywed friend, fresh from a 12-guest wedding, lamented her dream European honeymoon wilting from a lack of donations. The twist? Most “donors” never got a wedding invite, yet the bride was ready to email them again for cash, setting the stage for a blunt clash.

Wedding season often brings joy, but it can also uncork sticky social dilemmas. When the bride’s plan to nudge uninvited friends for gifts was labeled “tacky,” a frosty silence followed. This tale of friendship and faux pas, straight from Reddit’s lively threads, captures the delicate balance of honesty and etiquette in the glittery chaos of nuptial dreams.

‘AITA for telling my friend her plan was tacky?’

A friend (29F) of mine (26F) got married last fall, the wedding was tiny, only 12 people, mostly their parents and siblings, so I was not at the wedding. She sent out an engagement announcement/save the date thing, I'm not sure how to describe it since it was kind of a hybrid of the two, with a link to their registry,

which was just a honeymoon donation fund, she's also posted links to the registry several times on her social media and IG stories. We got drinks last week and she was complaining that almost no one had donated to the fund and they were having to scale their planned trip to Europe back.

At first I sympathized, but then she said she wanted to send out an email to the friends and family that she had sent the announcement to, but not invited to the wedding, that the registry was still up. I told her I thought that sounded kind of tacky, and that she shouldn't expect gifts from people she hadn't invited to her wedding.

She got offended and said that she shouldn't have to invite people to her wedding is she didn't want to, which I agree with... but I still think it's tacky to expect them to give you money for a trip to Europe.. Anyway, we haven't spoken since last week and I'm beginning to wonder if I was the AH?

Weddings can transform even the most grounded folks into etiquette adventurers. This bride’s intimate ceremony was her choice, but soliciting gifts from uninvited friends feels like inviting them to a party that’s already over. Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman notes in Southern Living, “Gift-giving is a voluntary act, not a subscription fee” . Her words underscore that registries are for guests, not a crowdfunding pitch.

The bride sees her registry as a joyful share; others see a bold overreach. A 2023 The Knot survey reveals 68% of Americans cringe at gift requests from non-invited folks . The OP’s “tacky” jab may have stung, but it echoes a widely held view on wedding courtesy. Both sides have a point: the bride’s free to dream big, but expectations shouldn’t outshine invitations.

This dust-up mirrors a growing trend of honeymoon crowdfunding, a modern twist that can charm or chafe. Gottsman advises focusing on gratitude over entitlement, suggesting the bride thank donors without prodding for more. A softer approach could keep friendships intact while still funding that Parisian café crawl.

For the OP, a quick “sorry for the harsh word” might thaw the chill, while standing firm on her view. Navigating gift expectations is trickier than a three-tiered cake, but open dialogue can keep bonds stronger than a garter toss.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind buzzed with cheeky takes, serving up opinions spicier than a wedding buffet. The consensus? The bride’s gift grab was a bold misstep, with most siding with the OP’s blunt call-out.

From quips about “rubbery chicken” to rants on entitlement, the comments painted a clear picture: uninvited guests shouldn’t fund a European jaunt. These hot takes, dripping with humor, highlight how wedding etiquette sparks universal gripes.

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onelonelystringbean − NTA - As someone who is currently planning their wedding this blew my mind. 'We aren't close enough to invite you to our wedding, but we're definitely close enough to ask you for money for our wedding/honeymoon.'. You don't get to have it both ways. Tacky AF.

Timmetie − NTA,. I mean, it *is* tacky and even if it wasn't it's not like you screamed it at her.

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Shr3kk_Wpg − NTA No one should expect to throw an extremely small wedding but expect gifts and money from people who were not invited. That is very tacky. You may have hurt your friend's feelings but it was the truth.

630017331 − NTA. If I'm not even invited to your wedding, you're not getting a gift from me.

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LucyWritesSmut − NTA. At least feed me rubbery chicken if you’re gonna mug me.

[Reddit User] − NTA...just because someone decided to sign a piece of paper with their partner doesn't mean they're entitled to a damn European trip. In fact I think that is being entitled.

proteins911 − NTA. You're correct and it was good advice. I mean maybe you shouldn't have shared your opinion but I would want a friend to be open with me about these things. If you are close friends then being open and honest is good.

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I eloped. 5 of my closest friends were there. We sent out marriage announcements but intentionally left registry info off it. A few people contacted us directly asking for it and I happily gave it! It's rude to push people into giving you gifts. At this point it sounds like she is basically nagging/begging people for gifts which isn't cool.

BLINDEDBYTHEPIPE − NTA and this is some prime r/choosingbeggers thinking.

jayelltea − NTA. Bride needs to research wedding etiquette.

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ArdvarkMaster − NTA - if she is your friend, she should be able to handle you giving her a honest opinion.

This saga of honeymoon hopes and friendship friction serves a reminder that wedding bells can ring in etiquette headaches. The OP’s candid “tacky” remark may have sparked a feud, but it shone a light on gift-giving norms. Have you faced a similar wedding conundrum? Drop your stories or tips below—what’s the smoothest way to dodge these social snags?

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