AITA for telling my FIL to leave my daughter’s birthday celebration?

The backyard glows with fairy lights, pizza boxes stack high, and a teenage girl twirls in her carefully chosen dress, ready to celebrate turning 16. But the festive vibe sours when her grandfather’s sharp tongue targets her outfit, dimming her sparkle. A mother, caught between hosting a joyful day and shielding her daughter’s confidence, faces an unexpected showdown with her father-in-law’s outdated views.

This Reddit tale dives into a tense family moment, where one parent’s protective instincts clash with generational norms. The mother’s choice to confront her father-in-law’s remarks stirs debate: was she right to prioritize her daughter’s comfort, or did she escalate a minor issue? It’s a story of boundaries, family ties, and the courage to stand up for what’s right, inviting readers to weigh in on this heated birthday drama.

‘AITA for telling my FIL to leave my daughter’s birthday celebration?’

Today was my daughter’s 16th birthday, but due to everything going on we couldn’t have the party we had planned, so I told her she can pick 6 people to be there and I wouldn’t be offended as to who she wanted there. But she ended up picking my parents, my husband’s parents, her boyfriend and her best friend.

The plan was to have a small celebration in replace to her birthday party, with pizza and cake, and then a bon fire. My daughter wanted to wear the dress we picked out back in April (in hopes that things would’ve been normal by now) because it was really the only thing she could keep from her original plan. It was just a dress, it was really nice and I thought it was a decent length (not that it really mattered).

My in laws came over early, and when my daughter came downstairs my FIL said “don’t you think that’s a little short?” I looked at him and said that it was fine, and she looked beautiful. He shrugged his shoulders and said “I wouldn’t have let [my husband’s sister] wear that at [my daughter]’s age, but she wasn’t girly so I guess I didn’t have to worry about that” and then chuckled.

My daughter obviously looked uncomfortable, so I asked her to come with me into the kitchen to help get a fruit platter out and reassured her that she looked fine. My husband asked his dad to stop, and things were going okay. When my daughter’s boyfriend arrived and she introduced him to my in-laws (my parents had already met him), my husband’s father said “oh now there’s boys here?

I really hope there’s shorts under that dress” my daughter’s face got really red, and I asked my FIL to stop or I’m going to ask him to leave, as he was making my daughter feel uncomfortable. He replied with “well that’s just my opinion, I don’t think it’s appropriate to wear especially with boys around”. I then asked him to leave because at this point my daughter was getting even more upset.

My husband and his mother gave me an “are your serious look” and then my in laws just got up and left. My husband thinks I made a big deal out of nothing, and we’ve been inside arguing while my daughter is currently outside trying to enjoy herself. I feel like maybe what I did was unnecessary but he was also making my daughter uncomfortable and the way he was speaking to her was not okay.

TLDR; my FIL was constantly making comments about my daughter’s apparel on her birthday which we making her uncomfortable. I gave him a warning to stop, and he didn’t do I asked him to leave. My hid and is annoyed with me now, along with my in-laws. AITA?

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Family gatherings should be about love, not judgment, but this birthday took a sour turn. The mother’s decision to eject her father-in-law (FIL) after his persistent comments on her daughter’s dress highlights a clash between protecting a teen’s self-esteem and navigating family expectations. The FIL’s remarks, implying the dress was inappropriate around boys, reflect a troubling tendency to sexualize young women’s clothing choices.

Dr. Peggy Drexler, a psychology professor and author, notes, “Comments that shame girls for their appearance reinforce harmful gender norms and erode confidence” (Psychology Today). The mother’s response was a stand against this, prioritizing her daughter’s comfort. The FIL’s refusal to stop, even after warnings, escalated the issue, while the husband’s inaction left the mother as the sole defender.

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This situation mirrors a broader issue: 62% of women report experiencing sexist comments in family settings, per a 2019 Pew Research study (Pew Research). The FIL’s mindset, tying a girl’s clothing to male presence, perpetuates a culture of blame. Dr. Drexler’s insight suggests such remarks can harm self-image, especially in teens.

For solutions, the mother could initiate a calm family discussion, emphasizing respectful boundaries. Encouraging the husband to address his father’s behavior directly could foster unity.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a fiery mix of support and outrage. Here’s what the community had to say, with a dash of humor—because nothing says “family drama” like a Reddit roast!

Nnyletak27 − NTA I’m so sick of older men sexualizing teenagers; it’s not okay even if they’re family. It teaches women and girls to be afraid and ashamed of their bodies. I’m glad you’re protecting your daughter’s right to feel beautiful and safe in her own home.

[Reddit User] − NTA! Your husband needs to get on board here! You absolutely were not making a 'big deal out of nothing,' your FIL was saying disgusting, retrograde, sexist nonsense about his own granddaughter (ew!) at her birthday party (c'mon!) and you were the only one in the family doing the adult, responsible thing and shutting this kind of garbage down!

The days of this kind of stuff being dismissed as 'that's just Grandpa' or 'he's from a different time' are OVER. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing, and the effect it is going to have on the people around him. He wants to push boundaries and make the women in his family uncomfortable, because he enjoys it. Period. His wife enabled his behavior and your husband did not do nearly enough to address this.

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Personally, I would not invite FIL back until you and granddaughter have received a written and/or verbal apology. Your husband should also speak to your daughter and apologize sincerely for not doing more in the moment. He should let her know that her grandfather's behavior was sexist, demeaning, and wrong, and that he should have stepped up but faltered in the moment, that he loves her and cares about her, and that he will try to do better.

This is not for you to just handle because you are the mom and a woman yourself. The men in this world need to step up and handle sexism coming from other men. Otherwise, the next generation will also have to endure this toxic cycle of degrading commentary and passive bystanders. NO sixteen year old should ever be s**ually harassed at their own birthday party, by their own grandfather!. Edit: Thank you so much for the awards. :)

desert_to_rainforest − NTA - your FIL was sexualizing your 16 year old daughter - his granddaughter - at her own party, after she chose to have him there instead of her friends. You repeatedly asked him to stop. He didn’t. I would’ve told him to leave too.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. That 'I really hope there are shorts under that dress' comment was *extremely* inappropriate.

ElleHopper − NTA. Your husband will probably never understand how those kinds of comments make girls and young women feel.

Spare_Hornet − NTA First of all, you’re her parent. If you deemed the dress appropriate, your FIL shouldn’t have commented on it openly especially after his original comment has already made your daughter uncomfortable. If he had concerns, he should have told you in private. Second of all, his mindset of not allowing girls to wear a dress around a guy is sick.

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He basically says, “if something happens to my granddaughter, it’s because she was wearing a short dress and not because a guy couldn’t control himself, her fault”. Third of all, continuing shoving down his opinion after being asked to stop is way more inappropriate than a 16-year-old wearing a short dress.. I am sorry your husband didn’t back you and your daughter up. He certainly should have.

Servantofbosco − Whoops! Somehow FIL just never gets invited to anything throwawayfil100 has aaaaaanything to do with planning. Don’t know WHY. It’s a MYSTERY. So strange.. Imagine, shaming a girl for her dress at her own home.

Really, now, has FIL been like this long? Perhaps a trip to the doctor for an evaluation. Old people get funny, sometimes. For example, strokes or mini strokes may, (significantly), change a personality. Good for you for standing up for your daughter. NTA

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NotSoSaintly13 − NTA! You taught your daughter that women can stand up for each other rather than shaming each other, and showed her that if someone is making her uncomfortable, you've always got her back. You handled this PERFECTLY!

Ok-Mode-2038 − NTA. Your husband and FIL are though. You had already established clear boundaries by telling your FIL not to make anymore comments. His opinion didn’t matter. He’s not the parent. You were standing up for your daughter and when he crossed those boundaries, he was asked to leave. You weren’t rude about it. You didn’t scream and rant at him and kick him out.

You had told him if he didn’t stop that it would happen and you stuck to your word. Good for you. I’m glad you had your daughter’s back. You husband is an AH for not having your and your daughters back. He should’ve been supportive, even if he didn’t fully agree. He’s also an AH for choosing to fight about right then. He could’ve been a decent human and let his daughter enjoy her day and discussed it with you later.

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doublestitch − You gave your daughter two wonderful gifts for her birthday: the role model of appropriate conflict solving and the security of knowing her mother has her back. Grandpa was completely out of line. He was at guest under your roof and he repeatedly insulted the person whose party it was, both in private and in front of the other guests and despite warnings.

More than that, his conduct was both sexist and a rebuke of your parenting. You handled it discreetly as long as you could, showing him the door only after he made it clear that he had no respect for your boundaries.. This shouldn't even have needed to come up. He's no stranger to the customs.

Your husband either doesn't understand the importance of the example you were setting or else he's so accustomed to that steamroller behavior that he doesn't know how to set boundaries with his dad.. Either way, kudos for doing the right thing. Absolutely NTA.

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These Reddit reactions are a whirlwind of applause and shade, but do they capture the full story? Is the FIL’s behavior a one-off, or a sign of deeper issues?

This birthday clash leaves us questioning how to balance family harmony with standing up to harmful comments. The mother’s bold move to protect her daughter’s joy sparked family tension but set a powerful example. When does defending your child outweigh keeping the peace? Share your experiences and opinions below—have you ever had to draw a line at a family gathering? Let’s dive into the discussion!

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