AITA for telling my fiancé’s friends they have no sense of boundaries?

Picture a dimly lit restaurant, where a woman, reeling from a job loss, is swept into a comforting dinner by her fiancé, only for his rowdy friends to crash the scene like uninvited frat boys. This 25-year-old couple, newly engaged and living together, hoped for a quiet night to soothe her stress. Instead, his friends stormed in with whiskey and childish antics, turning romance into chaos. Her blunt call-out of their boundary-blind behavior sparked a feud, with insults flying.

This Reddit saga dives into the clash of friendship loyalty and couple priorities, where immaturity meets engagement bliss. With the fiancé kicking his friends out and a mutual pal calling the couple harsh, the question looms: was she wrong to demand respect? Let’s unravel this tale of crashed dinners and strained friendships, where growing up isn’t always a group activity.

‘AITA for telling my fiancé’s friends they have no sense of boundaries?’

My fiancé and I have been dating for 6 years and we got engaged in December. We finally moved in together in February. His friends are nice people in general but sometimes they don't have respect and act like high-schoolers. All of us are on the same age group, my fiancé and I are 25,most of his friends are also 25 and some of them a 24/26.

His friends always acted entitled over my fiancé, even when we were just dating. I didn't dislike them, they are nice but sometimes I felt disrespected as if they treated my role in his life as useless. After my fiancé proposed instead of respecting the fact that we are now also living together they felt more entitled to his time and his place. They'd always come to our house without notice and stay until late at night when we had to work the next day.

They always planned to go to bars and clubs and arranged game nights and told my fiancé he's a bore if he doesn't follow them. My fiancé never liked drinking or night life so idg why they thought he'd change his mind right now. I'm more of a party animal than he is yet I never pressured him to follow me to any bars or clubs since I know its not his thing.

It was a Friday morning when I got a notice from my job that I'm fired because the company is about to close down. Almost all of my coworkers lost their jobs. I came back home really upset and my fiancé surprised me that Friday night with dinner at our favorite restaurant.

He got a text from his friends asking him if he'll go to the club with them and he politely said no, he also told them about my situation and how he'd treat me to dinner and a romantic chill night to make me feel better. What they did was, they came to that restaurant with bottles of whiskey, vodka and wine and started yelling as if they were on a school trip. They were jumping up and down as if they were toddlers. We felt really embarrassed and paid and left.

His friends followed us to our house and asked why we got pissed. My fiancé was very mad at them and cussed them out for being immature and disrespectful. They called him a bore and said that now that he's engaged he's no fun anymore. I told them they have no respect for boundaries or personal space and can't respect the fact that their friend grew out of the high-school mentality while they're still stuck in their teens and refuse to mature..

One of his friends called me a b**ch for trying to ruin their friendship. My fiancé kicked them out. The next day another common friend of ours told us we were probably TA and too harsh on the guys and we should be more kind.. So AITA for speaking to my fiancé's friends like that?

Edit : I want to add that my fiancé never neglected his friends. He hangs out with them once or twice a week. They go to pubs or coffee shops and hang out. He's just not the kind of party animal they are and he's also more of an introvert. Besides that he's also prioritising our new household now since we are planning to get married.

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When friends treat a couple’s home like a frat house, boundaries become a battlefield. The woman’s sharp words to her fiancé’s friends weren’t just warranted—they were overdue. Their intrusion on a private dinner, especially during her job-loss crisis, shows a lack of respect for the couple’s new chapter. Relationship expert John Gottman notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect for each other’s priorities” . The friends’ toddler-like antics and insults reveal a refusal to accept the fiancé’s shift toward adult responsibilities.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating friendships during life transitions. A 2022 study found 35% of young adults struggle to maintain friendships when entering serious relationships, often due to clashing maturity levels . The friends’ entitlement to the fiancé’s time, ignoring his introverted nature, smacks of immaturity. Their crashing the dinner—despite knowing her situation—prioritizes their fun over her emotional needs.

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Gottman advises couples to “set clear boundaries with friends as a team.” The fiancé’s decision to cuss out and evict his friends was a strong start, but consistent limits are key. The couple should discuss how often friends can visit and establish rules for unannounced drop-ins. For readers, supporting a partner means backing their boundaries—open communication with friends about changing priorities can prevent drama. The woman should focus on her job hunt and let her fiancé handle future friend disputes to avoid being cast as the “bad guy.”

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out support with a side of snark for the couple’s boundary-busting pals. From movie analogies to calls for new friends, here’s the raw pulse from the crowd:

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Jonsotheraccount79 − NTA. Sounds like your fiance needs more mature friends.

Glass_Chance9800 − Major NTA. A huge plus is that your fiance knows his friends are idiots. Tell him how you feel about them and their lack of boundaries. Don't try to make it sound like you are making him choose between you or them though. You are valid in this situation.

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insertcommonname − NTA: Who the hell invites themselves to a dinner meant for a couple and act like a bunch of toddlers who got into the sugar? They sound like a bunch of needy frat boys. Have you ever seen The Little Rascles? The movie where a bunch of little boys have formed a club called the He/Man Woman Haters Club?

Well, a big part of the plot is that one of the boys named Alfalfa starts liking a little girl named Darla and it makes all the friends mad because Alfalfa isn't spending every second of his time with his friends. So they try to do everything they can to separate the two. Yeah that's what it feels like is going down in this situation, but those little boys are now trapped in adult bodies.

perfectsmoot − NTA However, I do think the best thing *you* can do is simply not get involved, anything you do will be twisted to make you the mean partner who took their friend away. Let your partner handle it, be there to support him. Its still probably a loose loose situation but at least your partner can make different friends.

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Cat_got_ya_tongue − I was prepared to think you were monopolising this guy and the friends were aggrieved but you’re right, they have no boundaries. Crashing a couples dinner your partner was treating you to because you got retrenched was completely inappropriate

and I can’t believe they called you a b**ch when you called them out (I hope that particular “friend” won’t be at the wedding). I don’t think you were too harsh. If anything you’ve probably been silent for too long. NTA. Congrats on the engagement and good luck on your job hunt!

iopele − NTA but this is your fiancé's battle to fight. He needs to clearly tell them that their behavior was unacceptable at the restaurant, and he also needs to be the one to tell them to leave when they're overstaying their welcome. Otherwise they're just going to continue to blame you and take his silence or a weak hints as proof that you're forcing all of this on him, and they'll continue to behave this way. Good luck.

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[Reddit User] − Hate to break it to you but it’s your fiancé that lacks boundaries. He should’ve put his foot down earlier. He didn’t because he lets his friends do whatever. That’s on your fiancé. You need to talk to HIM about setting boundaries and consequences (like how he kicked them out). NTA

Deternet − NTA fiance needs to have a discussion with them. 'You're a bore' 'Yeah I guess I am but that's better then being the immature disrespectful assholes you guys are. I told you I was going to have a quiet and respectful dinner with my future wife during a difficult and emotional time in her life and you bust in like a bunch of drunken highschoolers.

The fact that you lack the brainpower and eampathy to understand why I'm angry at all of you makes me realize none of you are mature enough to continue being a part of my life. It has been fun, and maybe if you can grow up you might be able to find a way into my life again. But if you can't, cheerio and sod off'

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Maelienydd_Cymru − NTA sounds like the friends have a lot of growing up to do.

20Keller12 − he also told them about my situation and how he'd treat me to dinner and a romantic chill night to make me feel better Your fiancé needs to put his friends on an information diet until they grow up or he realizes he's grown out of them.

These Redditors cheered the couple’s stand but questioned why the friends haven’t grown up. Are they just jealous, or stuck in a time warp? Their takes spark a debate on friendship and respect.

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This story exposes the chaos when friends refuse to grow alongside you. The woman’s call-out wasn’t harsh—it was a defense of her relationship’s sanctity during a tough time. It’s a reminder that boundaries aren’t just lines; they’re lifelines for new chapters. Have you ever had to confront friends who overstepped in your relationship? Share your experiences—what would you do when pals crash your personal moments?

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