AITA for telling my fiancee to stop blaming our kids for ruining her body?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, where family photos line the shelves, a Reddit user’s confrontation with his fiancée over a “mom bodies” campaign has sparked a fiery online debate. The post, raw and emotional, unveils a clash of perspectives—her embrace of post-pregnancy changes versus his accusation that she’s blaming their kids for “ruining” her body. Readers are left wondering: is this a misunderstanding or a deeper rift?

This story pulls us into a whirlwind of body image, love, and the unspoken pressures of parenting. It’s a tale that resonates with anyone who’s navigated the choppy waters of self-acceptance after life-altering changes. The man’s blunt critique and the woman’s heartfelt response paint a vivid picture, inviting us to explore not just their conflict but the broader conversation about what it means to feel beautiful in a body that’s carried life.

‘AITA for telling my fiancee to stop blaming our kids for ruining her body?’

My fiancée (46F) and I (48M) used to both be fitness enthusiasts. She used to go to the gym with me all the time and we shared passions in mountain biking, CrossFit, and were competitive rowers from our college years onward. She used to take pride in the fact that she would push herself to the limit to keep up with me fitness wise.

However after our 4 year old and 3 year old girls were born my fiancée began saying that using the elliptical and treadmill at the gym already constituted “ pushing herself to the limit.” She was having trouble with her “miles” of extra skin ( her words not mine) and said her “gym rat” days are over.

She ended up gaining weight, had spider veins, and would say that she was now “ momma” to her kids and that I say I want a “ sexy partner” not just a “ momma” but refuse to plan a wedding. In these past 4 years, she’s bought more and more into what I saw to be very tacky “ mommy motivation” YouTube channels and online magazine subscriptions.

Started joining a bunch of support groups and attending working mother summits even though she hasn’t worked in six years. All that’s ok but one of her “ mommy” friends who runs a local women’s wellness magazine asked her to do a shoot about empowering “ mom bodies.”

She and about 19 other women ended up having pictures taken of their so called “ tiger stripes” and talked about embracing their mom bodies. I didn’t check out what was put out until I logged on to social media today and saw my wife tagged in her picture and I felt like what I saw was just a whole lot of indecent taste.

There was a picture where the two kids’ feet was resting near where my fiancée’s stomach’s “crepe” texture started. My fiancée wrote an excerpt about how she used to be an avid rower and never shy in a bikini but for the longest time after the kids she ached everywhere and could barely get her excess weight and skin into her leggings.

She says she felt undesirable, like she felt not valuable because she had lost her beauty and fitness. But then she tries to dispel it all by saying she realizes that her kids don’t care and think she’s beautiful and that her body made her proud to be a woman because it housed her kids for nine months.

I confronted my fiancée and said it was one thing to not feel like a woman but to essentially blame our kids for ruining her body when she made that decision as an adult with free will was horrible mothering. She yelled that this wasn’t what she meant and that she was saying she’s grateful her body gave us children.

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I said that obviously the picture with our kids’ feet around her stomach was pointing out the cause of her “ ruined body” and it couldn’t be more obvious.AITA for thinking that she needed to hear that she can’t blame others when if she really ruined her body that was her own decision, not my kids’?

This couple’s clash is a stark reminder that body image after pregnancy can be a minefield in relationships. The fiancée’s photoshoot was a bold step toward self-acceptance, yet her partner saw it as a slight against their children. Dr. Jessica Zucker, a psychologist specializing in women’s reproductive health, notes, “Pregnancy changes are not just physical; they reshape identity. Celebrating those changes can be empowering, but partners may misinterpret the narrative” (HuffPost). Her words highlight the fiancée’s journey to reclaim pride in her body’s strength.

The man’s reaction, laced with judgment, reveals a disconnect. He focuses on her physical changes—weight gain, “crepe” skin—while she’s embracing her body’s story. This tension reflects a broader societal issue: 73% of mothers report body dissatisfaction post-pregnancy, per a 2021 study (Journal of Perinatal Health). His scorn for her “mommy motivation” sources suggests a lack of empathy for her emotional shift, a common strain in relationships navigating parenthood.

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Dr. Zucker’s perspective underscores the need for open dialogue. The fiancée isn’t blaming the kids but celebrating her resilience. Partners should validate these feelings, not dismiss them. Couples can bridge this gap by discussing insecurities openly—perhaps over coffee, not accusations. Counseling or support groups, like those offered by Postpartum Support International (postpartum.net), can help both partners align their perspectives.

Ultimately, empathy is key. The man could support his fiancée’s journey by joining her in small steps—like family walks or shared meals—rather than critiquing her efforts. Understanding her empowerment doesn’t diminish their shared past but enriches their future.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as a summer barbecue. Here’s what the community had to say:

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babybella92 − YTA.. So much. Your wife is trying to feel secure in her body, which has changed after having kids. She's trying to be proud and feel empowered by her body. And you're being a jerk about it. At the end of the day, having your kids has changed her body and by the sounds of it, her mindset too.. Which isn't a bad thing.

StretfordEnderWiggin − Hahaha you’re about to get torn apart on this sub. Good luck a**hole.

[Reddit User] − YTA, and I'm pretty sure you know it. First of all, why are you calling this *her* decision when she didn't get pregnant on her own? Second, do you have a problem with her body or not? If not, then I don't know what the hell you're so upset over.

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She doesn't look the way she did pre-kids, and that may have been difficult for her to cope with, but that doesn't mean she's *lying* when she says it was worth the tradeoff the way you seem to think she is. If you do - and I think it's pretty clear what the case is from your fixation on her 'stripes'

and 'crepe' and all the other stuff that makes a pose you probably wouldn't have thought twice about before her pregnancy seem tasteless to you now - then *you're* the one trying to blame the kids for *your* issues, and you need to knock it off. Also, what's this about you not wanting to plan a wedding? You know there aren't any actual points in a**hole bingo, right?

Unlikely-Draft − YTA, She wasn't saying her kids ruined her body. She was acknowledging how hard pregnancy is on the body and that it messed with her confidence, that she is working on self acceptance because although her body isn't what it once was and she's proud of her body and the strength that helped her birth 2 beautiful babies.

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DaleCoopersWife − So she posts a pic embracing the changes of her body after having children, saying it doesn't matter what her body looks like bc the children she gave birth to love her, and she's proud of her body.... ...and you call that 'indecent' and 'terrible mothering'?

You seem resentful that she doesn't have the fit body she had before giving birth and that alone makes you a massive AH. And you say that having kids was 'her own decision' - wtf? Aren't they your kids too?!. Do you even like the woman who gave birth to your kids?. YTA!

Mompolar − Dude, YTA. I couldn’t even finish reading this. You’re so disrespectful and her weight/body clearly aren’t the only issues you have with her.

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CodenameBuckwin − YTA. And if you want her to work out more (though you should really accept her body the way it is), maybe your ass should step up and start caring for your children so she has time a energy to do that.

rationalstudent − YTA. I could hear your distaste through the post. Let me share: *'One of her “ mommy” friends who runs a local women’s wellness magazine asked her to do a shoot about empowering “ mom bodies.”'* Guess what? These human bodies are awesome, they don't need you to use little quotation marks.

And the scorn scorn with 'mommy'? Sorry your wife has friends, she has found people to recognize hey are badass and brilliant.. *'I felt like what I saw was just a whole lot of indecent taste.'* Yes, YOU felt. Your (ex soon perhaps?) fiancee wrote how she felt undesirable.

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This was with her and her body. Then she shared how her kids (yes, they are her and not yours because this way they can have empathy.) You bet she housed those kiddos. You didn't take long in that process.AND LOOK!

She says she is grateful her body gave us children. *'I said that obviously the picture with our kids’ feet around her stomach was pointing out the cause of her “ ruined body” and it couldn’t be more obvious.'*. Yes, it couldn't be more obvious that YTA!

unusualteapot − YTA. It doesn’t sound like she was blaming the kids at all. She struggling with her body image because pregnancy really does have a huge impact on your body - even if she did make the decision to get pregnant she is allowed to not be happy with every aspect of what followed. And I’m picking up a fair bit of scorn and condescension with your “mommy motivation “ comments. I’m sure she picks up on it too.

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rationalomega − You are an enormous a**hole. Holy f**k, women worry about ending up with guys like you. It’s nightmare fuel for women considering motherhood. I’ve been getting into shape since my kid turned 2. It’s slow going but rewarding. I can only do it because (a) we pay for a personal trainer and (b) husband watches kiddo while I lift. Try doing that for a year, eh?.

I can’t believe you denigrate the workouts she IS doing. You think that helps?! How often are you cooking? Healthy eating takes a LOT of work. Making healthy meals that kids will eat is trickier, and if you’re one of those gym bros who insists on X grams of protein, it makes meal planning for the whole family damn near impossible.. Oh, and it’s ten months of pregnancy, not nine.

These hot takes show Reddit’s passion, but do they capture the full picture? Some see the man as dismissive, while others might wonder if he’s grappling with his own frustrations. Either way, the comments spark a lively debate.

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This story leaves us pondering the delicate dance of love, parenthood, and self-image. The fiancée’s photoshoot was a love letter to her body’s strength, but her partner’s reaction shows how easily wires get crossed. It’s a reminder to listen before leaping to judgment. What would you do if you were in their shoes? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar clash, or how would you navigate this heartfelt mess?

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